This week as we approach the final few days before Armageddon (alright, I’m kidding but it’s not far off), there is a lot of brouhaha going on over in Britain about the EU Referendum and whether we should all vote to either stay or leave the European Union. The voting deadline is this week on the 23rd June.
Usually for me, I find politics about as dull as filling in tax returns for the entire Osmond family and about as thrilling as staring at the wall, while deciding what shade of grey I am going to paint it after the forty-ninth coat dries.
Any time someone opens their mouth about politics to me then this is generally what tends to happen.
However, this is such a big deal that I’m forced to consider the debate whether I like it or not, mostly because it is all up in my grill. Sorry The Walking Dead and Game of Thrones but I will have to stop binge watching you for a few precious moments while I ponder this tug of war conundrum.
There are a lot of compelling arguments for both sides of the Stay/Leave camp, with some pros and cons being bandied about for what is one of the biggest historical and most impactful decisions this country has faced in a long time. I’m talking bigger than Batman. Bigger than the Beatles. Bigger than Jesus. Bigger than Jesus dressed as Batman playing in The Beatles. Now that is a band that I would pay good money to see. Where was I? Oh yes, back to the referendum. Let’s stay focused people.
Various pundits and experts are extolling the virtues of either decision and are telling us how much money we could save (or lose), what benefits or services we could win (or lose) and the dire consequences that we could face if we don’t pick the right choice.
Britain has become one gigantic roulette wheel and I don’t know whether to bet on red or black!
I’d rather just retreat to a tropical island and bury my head in the sand. Actually, I jest. I do know which one to bet on, thanks to Wesley Snipes in Passenger 57.
So in between bouts of lamenting about why I don’t have Facebook Live on my phone yet like all the other cool kids, so I am forced to slum it and record video like a prehistoric caveman that is not in ‘real time’ (Oh the humanity! The children! Think of the children!) and what type of breakfast cereal I could try combining with each other to achieve a truly unique flavour (as long it is not banana, if it’s banana you can go to hell), I suddenly pull myself together and remember that we are on a collision course crashing head on into this monumental event and I need to make a decision.
And then it hits me right in the feels.
We need to vote Leave.
And why should we do that?
I will tell you why.
Escape From New York, that’s why.
Where are you going? Please don’t go! At least give me the chance to explain.
Just think of the possibilities! We could turn this country into an island that houses criminals and convicts (admittedly that is a downside but they will all be in one place and will therefore rob each other blind, which is technically a positive so bear with me on this).
We could have a mandatory John Carpenter soundtrack playing in the background all day every day. Have you heard the new version of Escape From New York that he recorded in May 2016? The guy is as old as my Pops and still has mad skills at 68. And I can get to wear an eye patch and live out my fantasy as modern day pirate Snake Plissken. I mean come on – who wouldn’t want to do that?
Therefore in conclusion, based on my very sound advice and judgement, I think we know the obvious choice.
Vote Leave and allow me to cosplay permanently as Snake Plissken. It’s the sensible thing to do.
Then again I hope we don’t piss off the French ministers by leaving because I am a wine and cheese fiend. So Vote Remain to keep them sweet and let’s give cheese a chance.
You see what I mean – choices are hard!