Hilarious comic-tary on news, views, and attitudes. Publication days are bendy. We're creative and love the sound of deadlines as they…are those pretzels?
For those of you who missed me last month…you are all very sweet 🙂
And for those of you who didn’t – go take a hike, you’re banned for life!
(Sure hope there is more of the former and less of the latter).
OK, so I decided to take a impromptu break last month…(excuse me for a moment while I go take another break to look up what impromptu means…Ah yes, good, splendid, that makes sense, even if my sentences are borderline incohesive nonsense).
Now then, where was I? Yes, I decided to take a brief sabbatical to recharge my creative batteries and as it so happens, something came up in the news this week that brought into perspective what I thought I should be focus on for this article.
So, yesterday was the finale of the Eurovision Song Contest 2017 and I’m sad to say that the United Kingdom didn’t place very highly at all (as for the winner, well done Portugal!)
In honour of the musical masterpieces displayed this year (and every year) in the Eurovision Song Contest, I thought it would therefore be fun to sum up some of the biggest news articles of the last week from around the world in musical numbers 🙂
Hold on to your hats, glasses, purses and umbrellas folks, here we go.
Bruce Dickinson – Laughing in the hiding bush – Sean Spicer, Not So Bright Eyed and Bushy Tailed
When it comes to delivering daily (mis)information (including the biggest and best whoppers that any press pool has ever witnessed. Period!) Sean Spicer is not one to beat around the bush or to hedge his bets. His attempts to explain and justify the daily horrors that spew out of the current US Administration are admittedly tricky business. He plants his words carefully, even when they are laced with seeds of doubt announcing the daily nefarious actions of his flip flopping boss.
This week however, Sean found himself in a bit of hot water and lost in the wilderness, as Trump laid waste to FBI Director Comey on Tuesday evening, in a move that left many people in the press reeling as to why Comey was being fired in the midst of the investigations into Russian collusion in the 2016 Election.
As for poor old Sean…well, he was pretty much doing this when the press came knocking at his door for answers…
The Bangles – Walk Like An Egyptian – Ancient Mummies and Improving Tourism
Yesterday also happened to be Mother’s Day in the US, so it seems fitting to have a story about Mummies in this ‘playlist’ too.
Egyptian archaeologists have discovered an ancient burial site holding at least 17 mummies, most of them fully intact, which could date back two millennia. The mummies themselves are believed to be approx 2,300 years old, which is exactly how old Mothers feel after dealing with their toddlers for a day.
Nowadays though, with shows like the The Walking Dead surging in popularity, I think that there is a much more appropriate term for our tireless (and very tired) Mothers who do everything for their kids.
Foo Fighters – Learn To Fly (because if not then in Japan it’s going to be death from the skies)
Over in Japan, things are very much turning into The Fifth Element, Back To The Future and possibly even Chitty Chitty Bang Bang (if you are old but still young at heart like me).
Flying cars are becoming a reality? Cool, I guess that means we can strike one of these off the official list! Also, don’t get me started on time travel, I’d probably go back and change so much that it would be a full time job and I’d have to uninvent it just to lead a normal life. Hey, maybe that happened already and that’s why we don’t have time travel right now. I think I will put “Invented Time Travel” on my CV, now that I have the rationale for why it doesn’t currently exist. Genius! 🙂
Flight of the Conchords – Foux Du Fafa – Macron defeats Le Pen and he writes her out of the big picture
It was nail biting stuff in France this week, as Emmanuel Macron squared off against Marine Le Pen in an election that could have resulted in another potential political disaster with a female Trump equivalent from the far right taking up the reigns of France.
As with Trump and Brexit, I thought that this result would end up going pear shaped too and bring on an early heart attack for me and rest of the free world.
However, Macron went on to have a two thirds vote landslide victory, which is heartening to see, I honestly think that it will be for the benefit of the country and the European Union to have Macron steering the ship, particularly since he is very compassionate in a lot of his policies. It would also appear that two thirds of the voting population of France agrees with me.
My Doctor is going to be happy now that I can cancel my anxiety medication prescription for a week at least (or until the next Trump Executive Order gets drafted up).
Weird Al Yankovic – Livin’ in the Fridge – Food safety at home and abroad
Nice try Time magazine but you aren’t going to scare me away from my fridge! Also the filthiest place in my kitchen is actually the kitchen (until I’ve tidied it up).
Want more musical inspired news? Or just want to suggest other songs that I should check out myself? Then drop me a line with your suggestions and maybe it can become a regular feature 🙂
Thanks for reading, hope you had fun and until next time, keep dancing friends.
If like me whenever you look at the news nowadays at what horrible atrocities have been dreamed up on a daily basis by The Trump Administration, or where we are headed with Brexit negotiations, or when April the giraffe is going to deliver her baby (come on, I can’t take the suspense!)Â or are simply a creative type and therefore sleep is usually an optional luxury at the expense of writing something down then let it be known that you are not alone, if you too are having trouble sleeping at night.
Thankfully, I have a solution for you all and it is cheap at the price. (Come back, it’s free!)
Check out this guest post written by a friend of mine to help you sleep much better at night. Or double your money back. (Remember, this is free so you get double of nothing but it is good advice all the same).
Health News Special Report – 10 Eazzzy Wayzzz to Fall Azzzleep
Sleep. That monosyllabic, five lettered word that consists of two vowels and three consonants that strikes fear into the creative as it means waste of productivity. But just how much sleep is sufficient for the average individual? For babies, it seems five minutes and thirty-one seconds is enough, but for adults, it is a different story and we should aim to get a decent slumber of around eight hours preferably at night time. However, sleep is an individual thing so it comes down to your needs in the end and no medical journal will tell you this – believe me. If you do find yourself overindulging in sleep especially at work where this is a common occurrence, a career change could be in order and is something the Doctor cannot prescribe you. However, excessive sleep does not mean laziness (but it does if you are a student) and there could be a medical condition at play here so get yourself a Doctor referral to the nearest Premier Inn (or Holiday Inn in the US).
What follows is a look at 10 Easy Ways to Fall Asleep. There are only ten and let no-one tell you different. Remember how Moses came back with Ten Commandments? It wasn’t Eleven was it?
As I am writing this, I should be asleep, but I chose to educate the nation with my definitive, foolproof plan.
1. Bin your relationship.
Seems obvious doesn’t it, but time and again, people make the mistake of getting into a relationship only to encounter nights of sleepless worry about whether a partner will WhatsApp in the next 30 secs and if they don’t, well clearly they are cheating. It’s the same with the removal of ‘Last Seen.’ Eradicate the need for a relationship and watch how life becomes calmer and chamomile tea becomes your natural beverage of choice and cats naturally enter your domain without you having to capture them for comfort.
2. Kick partner out of the bedroom.
You do enough in your day and the last thing you expect is coital relations after cooking an elaborate three course meal or just dinner in a microwave. That’s why the spare room was invented because you never know its significance until you are in a relationship. Moving your partner out of the bedroom means quality you time. Take it from someone who knows.
3. Read a book.
Here I recommend that you read a genre you are truly uncomfortable with and one that contains highfalutin text that only the page numbers make sense. Books that have made me fall asleep include the Constitutional Law, 13th Edition (first paragraph), Equity & Trusts (cover) and Being Reem by Joey Essex (foreword).
4. Learn a language.
This is a definite must before bedtime. They key to learning a language is listening to audio so by the time your brain has realised this fact, you’ve nodded off. However, I do realise I haven’t specified the language and that is of course, Mandarin. Standard.
5. Counting sheep.
Without a shadow of doubt, counting sheep has to be the biggest old wives tale out there. Counting cows is a much better option.
6. Turn mobile off.
Thank God, Adele never did this otherwise we would never have her albums. You on the other hand are different, so switch it off because it will only add to the despair that is life.
7. Exercise.
A rigorous routine before bedtime will ensure that all you will desire is bed. I do mean a full work out though and no running on the spot for one minute. Admittedly, for some people this does have a reverse effect and may accidentally release endorphins, but this is the brainwashing we have to come to expect from a Personal Trainer, so take what they say with a pinch of salt like life.
8. Incense.
I don’t know why it’s called this, because it causes nothing but calm. However, sometimes, it can be quite costly depending on the brand, so if you can’t afford the flight to India to buy good quality incense, light a match and the fumes of the fire will knock you out.
9. A sedative.
Not celebrated enough in my opinion. The advantage of taking this is sleep is brought on anytime, anywhere. The obvious disadvantage is getting a P45 or pink slip in the mail without realising what caused it. It’s a shame there are no clearer warnings on the packaging.
10. Lavender.
The best piece of advice was given to me by my grandmother who told me that ingestion was completely wrong and to inhale it through my nose. It’s nature’s own Chloroform or Rohypnol, however you want to view it, and you’ll be out for the count before you know it.
News Source:-Â 
nudge. wink. report. 