Archives for category: Humor

Hold me!

Ahem, so, it’s been a minute since anyone posted here, on the Nudge Wink Report, and I refuse to let that stand. I have fresh(ish) art to inflict upon the masses, and a number of dad jokes to torment you with. Let’s start there.

If you have a helpful ant, is it your assist ant?

Have I told you my bad memory joke?

There are three types of people in this world. Those who can count, and those who can’t.

Bad spellers of the world, untie!

My wife is leaving me because I’m going bald. Oh well, hair loss.

Have I told you my bad memory joke?

Whilst I think of witty observations of recent events (recent events that somehow don’t set off an existential crisis in everyone), I will have to leave things there for now. Hopefully this can kickstart proceedings here, given them a Nudge (Wink Wink), and we can all Report in the right direction.

Hello from Earth!

NWR is on life support right now. We’re not posting often, but we’ve been in mourning for a while.

I’ll begin by saying it was a sad day when our founder disappeared into the universe. If there’s a heaven for sarcastic people, she’s sitting on the throne.

She’s one of the lucky ones, being in a place where she can look down upon the stressed, regressed, blessed, and messed up people of Earth and laugh at our inability to rise up to her level of sarcas-attude.

Earth has to be the oh-pity-me of sarcasm. Oh, I just looked it up and it’s spelled epitome. Same thing. Where else can you find a bunch of politicians who’ve convinced an entire populus that it’s perfectly normal to go into politics a pauper and leave as a billionaire 30 year later?

Our present civilization can be represented in this picture:

Can a pressure cooker explode? why do pressure cooker explode?

If you don’t spend time in the kitchen, that’s a pressure about to explode.

My home economics teacher once described the sound of a bomb going off and a kitchen full of lima bean goop. She said it took days to clean off the concrete-like residue.

I, for one, do not one to be the remains that must be cleaned off the Earth in the aftermath. All the aliens wanting our planet will, in all probability, simply build over it.’

I’ll try to post at least once a year, until the rest of our reporters wake up and write something.

Well, it doesn’t exactly rise, and we’re not quite in the ashes… yet. 2020 has pummelled us, squeezed us, mocked us – but we are still here. It’s been difficult for some, life-changing for others, and for many people around the planet, it’s been an anxious, scary time.


We need a release, a valve we can open to let our tension spill out. We’ll definitely reach an end to this, where life will return to a relative normal, and the bars and pubs will make a fortune to rival the biggest mountains of gold. I mean come on, we all know most of the human race will flock to such venues right?


Lockdown has brought with it some… experimentation. No, nothing like that (get your minds out of the gutter). This meerkat has been doing some artwork. I sincerely apologise for what I am about to inflict upon you all, but it’s my way of letting out that nervous energy.


I call this one ‘Vacant Expression’. It’s seen a lot of use over the past few weeks.


Don’t ask.


Timon smash! And yes, he has nipples.

I think I should be sorry for inflicting these images upon your retinas, but I’m not 😛

So, to end this rather brief post, I want to tell you all, that I love you, I hope you are all save, and I hope when this ends we can all be thankful for our families and loved ones. Stay safe everyone!