Posted in 1 Point Perspective, Humor

If I Ran The World – A Photo Essay of Sorts

Don't hate me because I'm beautiful.  Also, don't hate me because I'm king.
Don’t hate me because I’m beautiful. Also, don’t hate me because I’m king.

These days it seems like every time you turn on the boob tube, there’s another millionaire tossing his or her expensive, designer hat into the ring for the next go round for the presidency.  No self-respecting White House wannabee would jump into that race without throwing around some big promises.

Their grand, empty words have inspired me to make a few campaign pledges of my own.  My first promise is to keep this post to under 500 words to appeal to those who don’t want to spend too much time reading.  As an added bonus, I’ll sprinkle it with lots of pictures, so I can call it a photo essay.

Here now, in no particular order, are my promises if I was somehow put in charge of a variety of things:

  • If I ran the local pharmacy, I’d either do something about this stain on the floor, or at least rearrange the products to keep this from looking as unfortunate as it does.
 Photo by the author
Photo by the author

 

  • If I ran the the underwear division of Adidas, I’d question the wisdom of packaging men’s underwear in Zip-lock style, “stay fresh” pouches. I can tell you from personal experience, these things don’t work. It turns out you have to launder these undies after 3 or 4 days of wearing them, just like their competitor’s products.
Photo by the author
Photo by the author

 

  • If I ran the arts-in-public-spaces office at the Tampa International Airport, I’d have nixed the use of this accent of tile work on the floor just outside the entrance to the bathroom.
Photo of the floor outside the men's room at Tampa Intl by the author
Photo of the floor outside the men’s room at Tampa Intl by the author

 

  • If I ran the Small Business Administration, I’d encourage more entrepreneurs to trick out company vehicles, making the highways and bi-ways of this fine country look a little more like the back straight at Daytona.
Photo by the author
Photo by the author

 

  • If I ran the Department of Transportation, I’d pass legislation to force airlines to stop making seats smaller and just skip ahead to allowing the transportation of human beings in individual vertical pods.  Airlines can offest the costs of retrofitting their fleets by upcharging pod-flyers for claustrophobia medications and catheters.  There will loopholes in the laws to allow for the stacking of pods like cord-wood if it significantly improves efficiency.
Photo of the author's lap while seated in an airline seat.
Photo of the author’s lap while seated in an airline seat.  I thank my lucky stars that I don’t possess child-bearing hips.

 

  • It I ran the Buffalo Bill Cody Center of the West Museum in Wyoming, I’d encourage changing the policy to include checking concealed firearms as well.

 

Museum door photo by the author.
Museum door photo by the author.

 


 

  • If I ran the Department of Agriculture, I’d look into the Canadian coconut market.  The tropical fruit trade is competitive enough without having to include countries whose southernmost border is north of Detroit.

coconut

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Author:

I used to write a fair amount here on my blog, but then I got lazier and now I only manage to write over at The Nudge Wink Report once every month or so.  I only write there because of assigned deadlines and my unflagging allegiance to a woman I've never met but love anyway, the lovely Blogdramedy herself.  My current profile there is a 30,000 word run-on-sentence and ends up keeping people from scrolling all the way to the comments section.  As any blogger will tell you, posting without getting comments is like kissing your first cousin - and not in a hot, West Virginia sort of way.  I'm hoping this little blurb can take the place of the other profile and allow people to actually reach the comments section.

26 thoughts on “If I Ran The World – A Photo Essay of Sorts

  1. Reblogged this on 1pointperspective and commented:

    Every time I turn around, I’ve got another freaking post due over at The Nudge Wink Report. Thankfully, I had a few pics on my cell phone so I wouldn’t have to think too hard. I suppose you could say I phoned this one in. Yuk Yuk.

    Like

  2. You have a good point on every one of these but I’m especially curious about those Canadian coconuts too. Do they have to put antifreeze in them because they are from that far north? Check out those the ingredients.

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    1. As you know, it get’s very cold in Canada, so I’m assuming the propylene glycol is added to keep the coconut from freezing. I’m not sure about food being Kosher and containing anti-freeze.

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    1. When I see “Steelcity” it usually conjures up Pittsburgh, PA, but that’s across the Keystone State, not the pond….but hey, I appreciate all three of my groupies, regardless of where they may reside! Glad you liked the post.

      Liked by 1 person

      1. I’m guessing that there used to be something entirely different on that aisle, like antifreeze or mascara, but they decided to change around the displays and no one thought to strip the floor before displaying adult incontinence protection there.

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  3. I nearby nominate you king of the world so you can implement every one of these fabulous ideas!

    I suggest you appoint a Pee Tsar immediately though, or else you will spend most of your time in office absorbed with yellow stains, neglecting all your other important work.

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    1. Peg-O, I’ve always valued your wisdom and consistent readership. All that love I have for you, and you have nothing to show for it but a print of a pig in a dress. Your patience and loyalty is now rewarded: I nearby nominate you as Pee Star! I’ll send you the paperwork.

      Like

    1. I’m considering running on a platform which will require all floors to be painted a pale yellow. This should take care of the stain problem. It may also benefit the yellow paint industry, who coincidentally donated copious sums to my campaign to be king

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  4. If i ran the world I would make certain that coconuts were only used for their intended purposes, mermaid bras, extended swallow trips, stooge-related injuries, making horsie noises and expertly constructing everything from a movie projector to a maritime radio when you are shipwrecked on a tropical island with a movie star,the girl next door , two idiots, a millionaire and his wife.after a three hour tour. Although why you would want one when you are clearly the hottest guy on the island and you could be having a Ginger and MaryAnne sandwich for breakfast , lunch and dinner every day if you just hung around on the island long enough and loosened up a bit and maybe took your shirt off once and a while is beyond me. He’s not very smart for a professor , is he? See? I do think about science and hard stuff like that, SO THERE! Next week’s lessons: A study in Physics and Anatomy. When we attempt to establish once and for all, for posterity ” If i were rubber and you were glue would it bounce of me and stick to you ? “

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  5. Ha! This was too funny. I completely agree with you on the airline seats and most definitely those pimped out rides with advertising, I bet Don Draper would take that up a notch.

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