Posted in Peg-o-Leg's Ramblings

Merely A Slip Of The Tongue

arianagrandedonut

 

An apparently famous person, Ariana Grande, set off a minor firestorm last week when her tongue came in contact with a tray of donuts. Said donuts were on the counter of a donut shop at the time. Her tongue had a busy day indeed as it followed this up by leading the rest of her mouth in saying a rather filthy curse word, then “I hate Americans. I hate America.” Her tongue finished up its Tacky Tour by tangling with her boyfriend’s.

What at first glance appeared to be an unbelievable lapse in good manners made by someone who thinks she is above the rules that govern the rest of society, was actually a protest statement. Adriana was motivated solely by concern for America’s children. When she said “I hate America” what she really meant was “I hate (that so many children have had their health negatively impacted by the scourge of obesity which plagues this great land that I love so much,) America.” She merely left out a few words because she was stunned to be confronted by several trays of freshly-made donuts while innocently minding her own business in a donut shop. Who wouldn’t be shocked and appalled to learn this type of establishment is notorious for shamelessly SELLING the Devil’s Fry-cakes?!

Ariella, who, it turns out, is a pop singer with quite a large and loyal following among young people, explained her motivation to her fans in Facebook posts, Tweets, Insta-snap-a-roos and other social media communiques. In the end, she did have the grace to apologize for her lapse in judgement.

Reaction among those asked about the incident was mixed and seemed to be divided based on age.

Teens and tweens said, “We still love you! Anybody could make such a mistake!!!! LOL OMG!!!!!!” This response prompted some, as concerned as Adrienne about the welfare of America’s children, to ask what they are teaching kids in our school nowadays. Apparently they don’t know that a “mistake” is usually defined as something that is NOT done on purpose.

Those over 40 responded with, “Arabella who? Who the hell is that?”

The shop owners are still trying to decide what to do with the Display of Drooled-on Delights. Some options being considered are:

  • follow Health Department guidelines and toss the donuts because, you know, spit
  • sell them on Ebay to sicko fans who would be thrilled to own Arizona’s spit
  • expand the shop’s offerings to include a new line of pastries that have been pre-licked by celebrities. Selections will include:
    • Donuts licked by A-list stars for $5 each called, The Sweet Spit of Success
    • Donuts licked by reality show participants and celebrity has-beens for only $2 each called, Day Old Spit

It should be noted that the donut shop employees did not know about the alleged tongue lashing until they played back the security tape after Areola had left the shop. That means that some of the doubly-glazed donuts in question were sold to and eaten by unsuspecting customers.

Did you purchase a donut from this shop on the day in question? Have you since been plagued by the lingering aftertaste of something spoiled? If so, you may be entitled to compensation. The crack legal team at Dewey, Cheatum and Howe is gathering evidence for a class action lawsuit against the Pampered Pop Princess.

I think I have a case. Even though I was nowhere near that donut shop, this incident with Andalasia still left a bad taste in my mouth.

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Author:

R-A-M-B-L-I-N-G-S, Ram...Blin!

53 thoughts on “Merely A Slip Of The Tongue

  1. How I missed this story is beyond me (Perhaps I saw the name Arrielle and assumed it was about The Little Mermaid and decided to skip it). I think that her problem was that as a Skyping Tweeting Instagramming Hashtagger, she has become so conditioned to keeping things to 140 characters or less, that she left the middle part out her statement because of habitual editing. I’m a little surprised she didn’t refer to the country as “Merica” to save herself a vowel, or USA to really trim the letters down.

    Liked by 4 people

  2. Sadly I know who Annabella is. And in my daughter’s eyes she only went up a notch in admiration because donuts. I always suspected she was playing everyone this whole time and it looks like her true bratty diva was finally caught on tape. Can you imagine knowing you ate in one of her spit-covered donuts? Blech phooey phooey time to wash your mouth out with bleach. As always Peg you made me giggle over my coffee this morning and I thank you for that (no donut for me today because childhood obesity)

    Liked by 2 people

    1. Thank you for caring about the poor children more than your own desires of the flesh here, in the greatest country on earth, the land of the free and home of the brave, which I hate, Murica

      Like

  3. Imagine what were to happen if me, as a mere commoner, would spray spittle at my local Puffy Bunz Donut Shop. I’d probably be arrested! But Ariana can spray with impunity, her spoils sold on eBay. What is this world coming to? Once again, Peg, you’re on it!

    Like

  4. Hilarious, Peg! I ordered a pastry at Starbucks this morning and saw the barista unwrap it from its cellophane with my own two eyes. Of course, I’m in the Maryland suburbs, so they probably didn’t contain any starlet spittle anyway, but still! 🙂

    Liked by 1 person

  5. Thanks to Armande, doughnut licking is a thing now, and for that, I am grateful.

    Her tongue certainly had a busy busy day. Where have you been, busy little tongue?

    So much goodness in this coverage of the story. All the news that’s fit to spit and so forth. Devil’s Fry? LOL! Snap-a-roos? LOL! “Apparently famous person.” Squee. I just piddled myself a little.

    Liked by 1 person

  6. Reblogged this on upside of sideways and commented:

    This week on The Nudge Wink Report, Peg talks tongues and donuts. There’s a faint whiff of legal compensation and lots of talk about drool. This girl knows the different between donuts and doughnuts. Head on over to NWR and give Peg a lick. Or maybe just shake her hand.

    Like

  7. Jeezum Crow (to quote a Glazed Maineac)! I take a little break from the computer and you stick a pin in Appalacia! Now I have to Google Maps “Tonguing,” which must be the capital, in order to find this donut shop! I will never go on vacation again!

    Like

  8. Although I have no idea who Ariana Grande is, I am shocked by this senseless assault on a couple of innocent doughnuts. I hope the cops throw the book at her, having first made sure, of course, that she’s a safe distance from their Krispy Kremes.

    Like

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