Hello, and welcome to The Nudge Wink Report!
I’m Nudge and slouching beside me playing jacks with all the discarded hypens from Jay Z’s name, is Wink. Together, with the assistance of our intrepid Field Reporters, we write The Nudge Wink Report. Mind-blowing, in-depth analysis of news, views, and attitudes from across the country, and around the globe.
If you think I’m wrong for Batman…I’m playing James Bond next. (image via crowdact.com)
Only it’s not your usual reporting. Unlike other news blogs, The Nudge Wink Report is out to prove that most news stories have a humorous side. And Ben Affleck agrees:
As an actor, I’m used to criticism. When the news hit that I was the new Batman, superboys and supergirls across the country experienced an outrage orgasm that shook the foundations of Hollywood. It felt good, and left me wanting more.
So I’ve decided I’m playing Batman as gay.
Robin and I agreed it was time to come out of the closet and into your bedrooms. We plan to spend Saturday mornings together, reading The Nudge Wink Report, and poking fun at everyone who’s outraged I’m portraying a fictional comic book character who thrives on brutal vigilantism, wears black leather, and fondles bats in an underground lair filled with really cool shit you’ll never get to play with.
Personally, Ben, we can’t wait to see what you do with the role. The Nudge Wink Report will be monitoring your bat-blog: IamtheGayBatman.org.
Through the eyes of our Field Reporters, the humor here may be sarcastic, ironic, jocular or just plain offensive. It will always be opinionated. Re-posting from other blogs is probable. Especially if one of us calls in sick.
And yes, there will be opportunity for guest writers to thrust their way into the conversation. If you think you have what it takes, send us a brief write-up on the topic and send it along from the Ask Nudge / Wink page. When you’re writing up your teaser, remember the single most important ingredient will be your ability to make us hate you for your writing talent.
Our reports will be served up weekly, on Saturday mornings. Just in time for coffee. However, special editions may appear here at a moment’s notice whenever the mood strikes. So make sure your device is fully charged and with you at all times.
The only thing we know for sure is we have no idea where this blog is going to go.
We hope you’ll follow and we encourage you to comment freely, without fear of stalking or prosecution.
Nudge / Wink
nudge. wink. report. 
And, yeah, we’re live on WordPress! Can’t wait to see what’s up next. More pictures of shirt-less guys, please.
LikeLike
We’ll send a memo to Dave, Tom, and Oma along with a copy of the movie “Burlesque” so they can practice their bump & grind for the photo shoot.
LikeLike
Congrats on your new beginnings … hope it goes better for you then it has been doing for Ben.
LikeLike
Hey there. Thanks!
I think we’ll do just fine. And Ben can always go back to Matt.
LikeLike
“… playing jacks with all the discarded hyphens from Jay Z’s name …”
Stop the presses! This Wink character sounds super cool. It the role of Batman still open? Because, seriously, this is a no brainer.
I don’t follow the flappings of the Batman too closely. The first I knew something was up was when I noticed an unusual blip of Afflecks on the Twitter. It took a few days for me to catch on. Wait. What? There’s going to be another Batman movie? Isn’t that the real story here? What’s left to be told? Batman in diapers? Batman uses social media for good? Batman gets a walker?
Apparently, and thanks to the intrepid reporting here, we now know it’s going to focus on his Navy days in San Diego at a little bar on Point Loma called The Hole. (At this point you should politely refrain from wondering just how I know so many pertinent details about this sort of thing.)
Early buzz says the movie will be entitled Ben Gay.
LikeLike
Wink naps a lot but when he’s awake, he’s super juice on steroids. He turned down the role of Batman. He’s got a phobia about butlers.
Thanks for the info on The Hole. Next time I’m in San Diego, it will be my first port of call.
Even better title: Ben Gay and Robin – two old geezers looking for a rubdown.
-Nudge
LikeLike