Which came first? Bad polling or Donald Trump? Perhaps that’s a question best left for philosophers and besides, this isn’t a post about He Who Must Not Be Named. (I can’t promise he won’t come up again, though.)
Actually, this post is about polls themselves. As a little piggy who built a house out of straw, I feel I am eminently qualified to discuss and conduct polls of my own. I find the arcane craft of polling science to be an art form.
What is a poll? It’s basically just a fancy word for asking a lot of jerk faces about their opinions.
On an episode of Seinfeld, a comedian wakes up in the middle of the night and laughs. He’s thought of a joke. He scribbles it down on the handy notepad he happens to keep on his nightstand. The gag, of course, is that the next day, he can’t read the note and can’t remember the joke.
Yes, this is Tom’s second Star Wars post in less than a year. According to our sources, he also once wore Star Wars shirts every day for an entire year. Try not to humor him. -Ed
When I heard that Disney was purchasing Star Wars for $4.05 billion, I paused for a contemplative moment of reflection:
Incidentally, that’s remarkably similar to my reaction when I learned that George Lucas decided to go back and “improve” the original movies.
And, as a special treat for any completists out there — and let’s be honest, if we’re talking about Star Wars there’s a veritable bantha’s dozen of you — here’s how I responded to the shock and awe that there would be a sequel trilogy, and that the first of them would be directed by storyteller sock puppet J. J. Abrams.
Writer’s workshop: I wasn’t sure of the proper spelling and grammar of the word “no” here. In the end, I went with 16 cheery O’s and three exclamation points. And scene.
Momma always said, “when life give you Ammons, make ammonade.” Goes well with the blood of tyrants, I reckon.
I want to like the Bundy clan, I really do, but I find them a little standoffish. Yeah, I said it.
When I saw the Nudge Wink Report schedule and that I had been assigned October 29th, I resigned myself to the wacky Halloween episode shtick. I mean, c’mon! Pumpkin spice pancakes?! Again? Amiright?!
Luckily, though, fates intervened and gave me even scarier fodder. I’m not one to back down, so here goes. I’m birthing a post of pith and wisdom regarding the Bundy Clan. (Wacky birthing episode is my second favorite shtick.)
Bear with me. What you are about to read is not exactly cohesive. It’s going to flit about. I’m going to hop around. Jump up, jump up, and get down. Face down. On the ground. Buried in a mound. This is a blues riff in ‘B’, watch me for the changes, and try and keep up, okay?
Abyss is filmed before a live studio audience with the men and women of law enforcement. All suspects are innocent until proven human in a court of law.
Tomorrow, Sunday, September 11, 2016, marks the fifteen year anniversary since planes crashed into the twin towers of the World Trade Center or, as Wikipedia likes to call it, the “September 11 attacks.”
Now then… I wonder? Hmm. How to commemorate such a date? I’m not sure. I don’t know much but I do know this: It’s gotta be classy. It’s gotta be sensitive. It’s gotta maintain a certain level of decorum. It’s gotta be enlightened. It’s gotta have panache, style, and aplomb.
I know! 💡 There’s only one time-honored quintessentially American way to do this right. With a sale!