Archives for posts with tag: news

reporter-1“The storm is here,” said the governor. Everyone looked out their windows and said, “Hey, he’s right!”

Bulletin, bulletin, bulletin! Bulletin, bulletin, bulletin! The sun did not come up this morning, huge cracks have appeared in the earth’s surface, and big rocks are falling out of the sky. Details twenty-five minutes from now on Action Central News, kids!

–George Carlin, Take-offs and Put-ons, 1967

First Harvey, now Irma. Leave it to a woman to be forced to pick up after a man, even though an unimaginable gulf exists between them. What else is new? Read the rest of this entry »

Hey there everyone.

Since it’s still technically the weekend for a few more hours (at least in the US anyway), why don’t we all unwind with some fun stories about my favourite subject.

No, not cake!

Although that would be an excellent idea come to think of it, I’ll bear that in mind for the next thrilling installment 🙂

cake

Get ready for some animal news, views and commentary from around the globe.

(Why animals you say? Because they are freaking adorable! And usually good for a laugh too – OK, let’s go!)

 

African elephants may be shortest-sleeping mammals

elephantnose

African elephants are one of the largest mammals on the planet and you would think that with that comes plenty of time spent under the blankets.

Researchers have found out however that African elephants in the wild sleep an average of two hours a day and regularly go nearly two days without sleep.

Are you kidding me? Two days? And only two hours kip? I want to take a nap every ten minutes and doze for at least twenty hours at a time like my spirit animal the sloth or there will be hell to pay. Two days without sleep and I’m going to be trampling people underfoot and not even notice they were there. No wonder wild elephants are angry. I’d be flaming furious.

What about the old phrase an elephant never forgets? Of course they flaming forget, they forget to go to sleep!

(News Source:- BBC Newsround)

 

April the pregnant giraffe has been up the duff for fifteen months

The internet is going absolutely bonkers and doolally over a gorgeous giraffe named April, who resides in the Animal Adventure Park in New York, as she patiently gets closer and closer to the very special day that she is due to give birth.

aprilgiraffe

(Picture source – Animal Adventure Park Giraffe Cam / YouTube)

giraffewatch

(#GiraffeWatch – with Brian Fantana)

Fifteen months with child, eh? Blimey! Whoever invented that sequence of events wants to drive this poor beast completely mad with the wait and boredom. I guess you can’t rush perfection in such a magnificent creature. You know those jigsaw puzzles with many bits and the difficult corners? That’s what nature is putting together in this womb, a giant, intricate, long-necked, tessellating jigsaw puzzle. Also, allegedly giraffes use their necks for sex. But that’s another story entirely. Which can be found here if you are feeling curious, horny or curiously horny.

http://www.bbc.co.uk/earth/story/20160629-giraffes-did-not-evolve-long-necks-to-reach-tall-trees

At any rate, it looks like it going to be at least April before the magic happens, as her due time is still uncertain but it is meant to be really close now. I can’t take the suspense any more, it’s killing me! I guess I can fit in a few more episodes of The Walking Dead and the entire season of Iron Fist when it comes out later this month on Netflix  to stop my sweaty palms messaging April’s zookeepers every day with:-

“Is it ready? Is she there yet? Deliver it already, puhleease! Ohhhh she must be close now! Squeeeeeeeeeee!”

I really need to get some better hobbies. And many years of therapy.

(News Source:- Today.com & all over your Facebook feeds in the little gaps not dominated by Trump)

 

Paternity leave and beer? A winning combination

Brewdog brewery are offering paternity leave for employees who have just adopted a dog.

brewdogbeerdog

(Picture source – @BrewDog/Twitter)

Yes, you heard that correctly. Those kind folks at Brewdog are offering their employees a week’s paternity leave to allow them to look after their newly adopted furbaby.

This is fantastic. In that case I will try to get hired by them and adopt a new dog every week. I cannot lose!

drinktothat

(Actually now that I come to think about it, that’s a lot of pooper scooping. I may have to adopt a new dog every other week or I’m going to run out of plastic doggy bags).

(News Source:- Today.com)

 

It’s plane to see a tiny mouse causing big trouble for a recent British Airways flight

A London to San Francisco flight earlier this week was delayed for four hours after a mouse was spotted inside the plane causing mischief and scurrying around like he owned the place.

The passengers were swiftly moved to another gate and then swiftly left to wait for hours to board the new plane leaving many people feeling ratty.

micememe

(Of mice and meme)

For those of you who are old enough to have seen the film ‘The Abominable Dr Phibes’ with Vincent Price (made in 1971, crikey!) and the disturbing rats/plane scene in particular (the whole film is ridiculous and they made a sequel, which is also terribly over the top funny and gruesome too), it is completely understandable that you would not want to be on a flying machine miles above the ocean floor when Mr Mousekawitz decides it would be an excellent time to chew through the engine cables because he is a little peckish.

Unconfirmed reports claim that Samuel L. Jackson was on board the plane itself and has bought the rights to the screenplay.

He is thinking about making a sequel to his B-Movie hit “Snakes on a Plane” and plans on calling it “Rats Going Nuts On A Runaway Train”.

rattrain

Yeah, the title needs work and is a bit cheesy but the sequel is definitely going places.

(News Source:- Nature World News)

 

I did think about doing more but then I got tired and decided to go take a nap. For 20 hours.

sloth

Want more animal news stories? Got any stories that you want to share with us? Or just want to tell me how much you hate all of my puns? (But they are the best bit! That makes me furrious) then don’t forget to leave a comment below and join in the fun, we’d love to hear from you 🙂

Until next time friends – keep smiling 🙂

boop

Howdy peoples.

It’s that time of the month again where things start getting strange, as I delve into the weirdest, wackiest and most inventive news stories I can come up with and give them my own particular twist of haiku infused justice for you, the masses.

Did I ever tell you that you guys and gals are bonkers, just like me?

But then we like it that way – never change!

So, would you little devils like some more Haiku News Commentary to brighten up your weekend?

(You don’t? Well tough, that’s all we got!)

This time round I’ve decided to focus specifically on news stories that feature technological developments, so hold on to your lunch and let’s blast off!

 

Car in a bag

What will Japan think of next

Copter in a hat?

inspectorgadgethat

(Original News Story – WalkCar: Hands-on with Japan’s car-in-a-bag / Pic:- Inspector Gadget)

 

Introverts unite

Pizzas delivered by drone

Never leave your home

spongebobtechnology

(Original News Story – Pizza company offers drone deliveries and other news / Pic:- SpongeBob Squarepants)

 

Chain smoking robots

Where have we seen that before?

Ah! Futurama!

futurama

(Original News Story – The chain-smoking robot and other tech news / Pic:- Comedy Central/Futurama)

 

Human head transplants

Too freaky, like Frankenstein

Replace brains instead

man-with-two-brains-quotes

(Original News Story – Human head transplant moves a step closer / Pic:- The Man With Two Brains)

 

Preserving bodies

Cryonics is expensive

Turn thermostat off

freezing

(Original News Story – How cryonics works: Process of freezing bodies explained / Pic:- Austin Powers)

 

Fired by text message

You’re delivering bad news

Not fast food, you jerks!

getting-fired-by-text-message-500x300b

(Original News Story – Firing by text message: taboo or the way of the future?)

 

Robot dinosaurs

That learn, evolve and adapt

Run? Can’t, pooped my pants

sciencedinosaur

(Original News Story – Robotic dinosaurs at U.K. theme park upgraded with cognitive software)

 

Tricked by some click bait

Fake news in your Facebook feed

Tip – facts are not fun

facebookabrahamlincoln

(Original News Story – CNN – Here’s how to outsmart fake news in your Facebook feed)

And that’s your lot for this time round, thank you for stopping by and if you have any ideas or suggestions that you want me to tackle for next time then feel free to leave a comment below 🙂