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Survivor kicked off its 30th season last month with Worlds Apart set off the coast of Nicaragua. Once again I was glued to the TV like a contestant’s soggy underwear to their nether regions in the sweltering tropical heat. A few Mainers have competed on the show over the years, with one actually winning the grand prize. (Anyone remember BobBest season evah.)

This year we have this man to cheer on: Dan from Gorham.

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image: survivorfandom

Wow. Ayuh, he certainly looks like a true Maineiac. Some highlights of his quest for the million dollars: Nobody on his tribe can stand him, he peed on his own jelly fish sting and he’s free-balling it because he lost his undies in the ocean. Yee-ouch! Looks like he’s all chafed up with no place to go. I have no idea what that means.

Watching this middle-aged postal worker slog around the beach with his sweaty furry belly hanging out made me think, Dammit, if HE can do it, so can I! As luck would have it, I ALSO have a giant gut, and yes, it’s very furry and I can bitch and sweat like nobody’s business! (And if I had balls, you’d better believe I’d go commando, too.)

But before I send in my application, the rules of Survivor have to change slightly to accommodate me. Read the rest of this entry »