Archives for posts with tag: robots

There’s the culprit. She took my blog post off the coffee table and ate it as she sat under this Leyland cypress. She had the runs for three days after – my writing is not easily digested.

The more alert among you may have noticed that I posted absolutely nothing when it was my turn the last time here at The Nudge Wink Report.  I would’ve written, but I’ve stumbled onto something that’s bigger than mere humor bloggery.

It began innocently enough.  As you may know, I’ve begun brewing beer in earnest, and blogging much less.  The inherent risks of moving ten or eleven gallons of very hot, sugary wort without burning or breaking myself were becoming more and more clear. Not wishing to suffer a scalded hernia, I knew it was time to look into getting a pump.  As a quick aside, my long-suffering wife has been a saint in tolerating my frequent expenditures for all sorts of Teutonic-sounding gizmos.  I’ve learned that it’s always best to at least attempt buying used stuff before whipping out a credit card ordering from BeerBruerAddiction.com. Read the rest of this entry »

Advertisements

Howdy peoples.

It’s that time of the month again where things start getting strange, as I delve into the weirdest, wackiest and most inventive news stories I can come up with and give them my own particular twist of haiku infused justice for you, the masses.

Did I ever tell you that you guys and gals are bonkers, just like me?

But then we like it that way – never change!

So, would you little devils like some more Haiku News Commentary to brighten up your weekend?

(You don’t? Well tough, that’s all we got!)

This time round I’ve decided to focus specifically on news stories that feature technological developments, so hold on to your lunch and let’s blast off!

 

Car in a bag

What will Japan think of next

Copter in a hat?

inspectorgadgethat

(Original News Story – WalkCar: Hands-on with Japan’s car-in-a-bag / Pic:- Inspector Gadget)

 

Introverts unite

Pizzas delivered by drone

Never leave your home

spongebobtechnology

(Original News Story – Pizza company offers drone deliveries and other news / Pic:- SpongeBob Squarepants)

 

Chain smoking robots

Where have we seen that before?

Ah! Futurama!

futurama

(Original News Story – The chain-smoking robot and other tech news / Pic:- Comedy Central/Futurama)

 

Human head transplants

Too freaky, like Frankenstein

Replace brains instead

man-with-two-brains-quotes

(Original News Story – Human head transplant moves a step closer / Pic:- The Man With Two Brains)

 

Preserving bodies

Cryonics is expensive

Turn thermostat off

freezing

(Original News Story – How cryonics works: Process of freezing bodies explained / Pic:- Austin Powers)

 

Fired by text message

You’re delivering bad news

Not fast food, you jerks!

getting-fired-by-text-message-500x300b

(Original News Story – Firing by text message: taboo or the way of the future?)

 

Robot dinosaurs

That learn, evolve and adapt

Run? Can’t, pooped my pants

sciencedinosaur

(Original News Story – Robotic dinosaurs at U.K. theme park upgraded with cognitive software)

 

Tricked by some click bait

Fake news in your Facebook feed

Tip – facts are not fun

facebookabrahamlincoln

(Original News Story – CNN – Here’s how to outsmart fake news in your Facebook feed)

And that’s your lot for this time round, thank you for stopping by and if you have any ideas or suggestions that you want me to tackle for next time then feel free to leave a comment below 🙂

What do you do when you wake up and realize it’s your day to post to NWR and you forgot to add the date to your laptop calendar?

First, you freak. Then, you seek out some really cheesy photos, throw a few words on the page and call it breakfast. This would never have happened if I’d gotten that iPhone for my birthday. LIKE. I. ASKED.

— Nudge

What says love to man’s best friend better than capturing their most intimate moments on film? Yes, making the front page of Huffington Post this week was a slideshow of dogs squatting and getting busy. The caption?

Dramatic Portraits Of Dogs Pooping

How do you turn an average, everyday photo of your dog (doing what comes naturally) dramatic? Wait until he’s suffering from constipation, then drag him to the park and wait. And wait. And wait. Then take the shot, hike back home and photoshop his face mid-spasm over the original image. Then wait for him to come up and lick off your face. He’ll be that pleased you care and decided to share with the entire world.

If they don't make dog laxatives, maybe they should.

If they don’t make dog laxatives, maybe they should.

This dramatic pictorial led to clicking on another story of animal pageantry. The annual bacchanalia of tits & ass called the “Victoria’s Secret Fashion Show.” Famous for its sexy lingerie and cosy pajamas, this year VS stepped so far outside the box there’s not enough duct tape in the world to put the box back together again.

This year’s design team had a muse. Her name was Wal-Mart.

One face looks particularly happy. Tongue and all.

One face looks particularly happy. Tongue and all.

The next time I’m in Wal-Mart I’m going to ask the greeters “when do you get your new uniforms?” and “does it also come with a frowny face for when you’re working the customer service desk?”

With those shoes she'll want to get off her feet.

With those shoes she’ll want to get off her feet.

A $750-million syndication deal to bring The Simpsons to online streaming. And really, I have nothing more to add.

The Simpsons score huge syndication deal. Bart plans to buy a brewery.

The Simpsons score huge syndication deal. Bart plans to buy a brewery.

Take this banana and split. Pointillism by the Japanese artist, End Cape.

Is this art? Or is it acupuncture?

Is this art? Or is it acupuncture?

Some milk and a spoon and voila…TurtleBerry Cereal.

This could take a while.

This could take a while.

Looking for a hostess gift? How about some Mapkins? Only $79.00. For a set of four. I have to go laugh my ass off now.

Just don't wipe you mouth on one or you'll never find your way back.

Just don’t wipe you mouth on one or you’ll never find your way back.

Being President comes with all sorts of perks. Like personal hand delivery of your Christmas wish list. Number 1 on the list? Finding John Boehner an elsewhere to be.

I think we all know what President Obama wants for Christmas this year.

I think we all know what President Obama wants for Christmas this year.

The Mayor of Toronto has been dealing with a few personal issues lately. Nothing that smoking a little crack can’t fix.

Goose. Cooked.

Goose. Cooked.

And then there’s CB-X, a company that makes male chastity devices. This is what they say on their website:

Male chastity devices restrict a man from touching his genitals for sexual pleasure. The male chastity device gives the Keyholder control over the sexual fulfillment of both partners by denying the wearer the touch he has had all of his life. His focus is now on when he can experience sexual gratification, and the Keyholder has complete control over the wearer’s pleasure. This denied access means the wearer must please the Keyholder in order to receive the pleasure he craves.

I’ve been told to not even think about getting one for my partner this Christmas. I’m forever losing my keys.

Comes in small, medium, large, and ouch.

Comes in small, medium, large, and ouch.