Archives for posts with tag: penis

Taking a Twitter break is not a good idea. I took off a few weeks months, and came back and tweets go from 140 characters to 280 characters and now Trump is starting to make sense. This may shock you but I have zero pull with Twitter and have a better chance of Lake Bell liking one of my tweets (which she totally did btw!) than convincing Twitter to edit back their decision. #bitchtweet

If you watch the news through the bottom of an empty tequila bottle, things don’t look half bad. Read the rest of this entry »

bananas

This post is bananas.

Welcome to a special holiday edition of the report. Or, as dad liked to say, “A day late and a dollar short.”

Happy Father’s Day!

Since none of my kids are talking to me, I decided to cozy up to the computer and pound out some drivel to pass the time. As a lover and aficionado of social media, I hope you’ll enjoy the following true story. You might want a full body condom, though.

Enjoy!

Read the rest of this entry »

Today on The Nudge Wink Report, I take a look at some of the stories that made the news this week. One headline is fake. The rest are not. I wrote up a possible scenario for each headline. See if you can spot the outlier.

The app that helps you CHEAT! Headline: HideMyPhone lets you rent mobile numbers for secret lovers – and all evidence can be wiped at the touch of a button.

"I can't hide my cheating heart but I CAN hide the phone calls it makes."

“I can’t hide my cheating heart but I CAN hide the phone calls it makes.”

Steven M. from Lexington: As a chicken farmer, I’m constantly approached by women looking for a good piece of meat. I’ve developed a bit of a reputation around these parts as a man who can deliver but I have to be careful. One misdial on my phone and my business would hit the deep fryer. Thankfully, there’s now an app for that. Read the rest of this entry »