Archives for posts with tag: government


It’s Wednesday?  Already?




***????SPECIAL REPORT????***

If this report were any more special you could buy it at McD’s.

And I’m not clowning around!




Today’s  addition to the Nudge Wink reports is about working for government

Any government.

 I don’t care if it’s the USA, Canada, Russia, or Lower Sloboviya, there’s paperwork.


hand.jpg                                                 …and I need this filing done in an hour!

My cat and every government in the world have one thing in common:  The same mantra

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After a month back on my job, it felt like this:


Just when I thought that paperwork and I had come to an understanding…


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…I was presented with the horrible truth:



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The people at the non-profit organization are fantastic!

It started out simple enough.  Once upon a time there were groups of parents all over the USA who wanted to give their forgotten children something to do during the day.  They relied on volunteers, bake sales and donations to run their local non-profit organizations. 

Then the state of Florida said, “We will give you money.”

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It wasn’t much, and often didn’t come in at a reliable time.  But a group of advocates worked very, very hard to get more money and have it doled out each month, not whenever a social worker got around to doing it.

So then the state of Florida said, “We will partner with the federal government and both of us will give you money.”

People from other states heard about Florida’s windfall.  They didn’t try to get this program in their state.  Noooo.  They flocked into Florida like a cloud of vultures to benefit from the money that was supposed to be used for Floridians. 

What was meant to help 5000 people IED’d into an explosion of need that threatened to kill the program and everyone associated with it.

Instead of the state saying, “You have to live here 10 years before you’re eligible for this program,” they said…

“Let there be forms,”

And there were forms.

Then they said, “Let there be rules and regulations.”

And there were enough rules and regulations to kill off the dinosaurs.

And behold, the plan to plan to do the plan was created.

I was hired to write over 200 of these a year, get them completed before the deadlines, and send them out in quadruplicate.

Oh, but it gets bitter better.

  1. LEVEL 1:  The government generates a program and puts paperwork into rule.  It means they make laws instead of congress, which is unconstitutional.
  2. LEVEL 2:  The government subcontracts with one giant agency to monitor the entire program.  The state monitors the monitors.
  3. LEVEL 3: For the next level under that, the government hires other subcontractors to oversee ALL the subcontractors who provide direct care services to the people who are receiving services.
  4. LEVEL toilet bowl (4):   Level 3 sends Level 4 the paperwork out of which 100+ different types of forms are generated.  
  5. Why 100+ different forms?  Because the F@#&*%$ government can’t get their act together and make the 10+ agencies — whose laws we have to follow– CONSOLIDATE THEIR PAPERWORK!


Level 1, the state & feds

Level 2, monitors

Level 3 sub monitors


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<—I am here….level 4



I wish it were as simplistic, but this system puts the pyramid scheme to shame.

In the scheme of things it’s a lot more like this.


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I’m somewhere near the vanishing point…I think.

Subcontractors at level 3 who haven’t done their job right will walk into my office at times, and I’m supposed to do this:

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They have learned to avoid me because my face will become indelibly paired with this:

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I know I shouldn’t be catty, but…some days I just can’t help being sar-cat-stick.

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Did I mention how hard it is to get 100 overworked, underpaid, and rarely appreciated people to get paperwork into the office at the right time…and how greatly it resembles trying to herd 100 terrified cats? 

It helps to be a professional nag armed with a healthy dose of OCD.  

The non-profit recently had an audit.  I just found out that my insistence on doing paperwork that my former boss said was unnecessary saved 2-months of payback.

I’ll be smiling about that for days.

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If you ever experience temporary insanity and think you can trust ANY government, always remember this truth:

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Hello everyone.

Who would like something different for a Saturday evening?

(No! Not that! I’m not climbing into a cake for you no matter how much you are willing to pay me. And I really like cake but there are some things a man just won’t do to pay the bills.)

Where the hell was I? Oh yes, on with the show!

May I present to you all, a Weekly News Round Up & Commentary made up entirely of haikus!

(If you don’t know what haikus are then I suggest you hurry up and find out before all our teas and coffees get cold – hurry up, chop chop! Here’s a handy guide for you:-

Wikipedia – Haiku

I thought it was about time to combine my love of poetry with the news, so here we go! Read the rest of this entry »

It’s Wednesday!  It’s, like, actually Wednesday at 2 in the morning and I, like,  


Ms. Anal Retentive does NOT forget when it’s time to write a post for NWR!  

No!  Ms. Perfection has to have said post written a minimum of 3 days prior so that she can look at it 600 times before it’s published.

Scooby Doo,  like, where are you when I, like, need you?  

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From Wikipedia, because I’m, you know, like, in a rush??

Why, you might ask, would I forget something this mind-bogglingly important?

As Kelly Bundy would put it:  




In case you missed that series segment of “Married with Children,” because it was aired in 1994, here is an explanation of Kelly Bundy’s brain:

Bud Bundy: You have to understand, Kelly’s brain can hold anything. But there are some things you have to know. One: that it’s totally empty.

Al: Woudn’t you know it.

Bud Bundy: And two: that you can’t just shove information into her head. You have to be careful. Feed her information slowly, bit by bit, drop by drop, until she’s full.

Al: Full?

Bud Bundy: Oh, yeah. Kelly’s brain can actually get full with information. And then you got to be really careful. Because each new thought after that will totally replace an old one. That’s why Kelly forgot to wear a blouse on the day she went to take her drivers ed exam.

(My thanks to for this dialogue)


Is there a support group for that?  

If so, would we forget when we were supposed to meet?  

Worse yet, is it the precursor to ALZHEIMER’S (a word more dreaded in the English Language than KARMA) ?????

The reason for this particular foray into forgetfulness is easy to explain:


(the place where anal-retentive people go to die).

Because I’m in such a D@mned hurry, I’ll expand on that explanation by stealing from the post I made on the day that bureaucracy walked into the office to tell me how to cross my t’s and dot my i’s.


Drowning in a sea of paper today.

Here’s a question for you:  Why is government bureaucracy NOT like writing fiction?

Answer:  Because when you write fiction, it has to make sense.

No one in government considers the repercussions of creating rules that turn your job into a script idea for Mission Impossible. 

I’ll be spending the next few days getting over a bad case of Frazzled.  Once I emerge from this hideous state, I’ll come up with a way to cope with the newest in a series of bureaucratic blunders.

But not right now.  

Time for several games of Rummy 500 that I play every night with a dinosaur, an alien and Jack.

In case you’re interested in playing cards with me, the Rummy 500 I speak of is Hoyle Cards on a used disk from around the time Kelly Bundy was learning to drive.

That’s all I have in me for today.  It’s time for me to post on my own blog.  Fortunately, it’s Wordless Wednesday.