What Do Kim Kardashian & Batman Have In Common?

They both wore white. But if you’ve been reading the news you already know this.

It was all party, party, party around the NWR office this week. Sure, there were a few tears (mostly from Dave) but the rest of the staff gave a huge collective sigh of relief when reports were confirmed.

Kim Kardashian as you’ve never seen her before. With covered cleavage.

Kim Kardashian is officially off the market.

And thanks to our swarm of CI’s (Celebrity Informers) who spent hours with their eyes to keyholes and bourbon glasses pressed against bathroom walls, we can now share reactions from guests and party planners, and other “real” guests from the wedding.

*Due to legal requirements, we had to put quotation marks around the word real. Because celebrities. And their plastic surgeons.

How to react to a James Franco event

My goal today is to write about something other than celebrity. I’ve been to that well far too often. After much soul searching I have settled on the topic of James Franco. Don’t worry. He’s a performance artist, not a celebrity.

I’ll also try to stay away from politics and religion. Of course, that presupposes you might be polite company. Call it a leap of faith on my part. Besides, this is purportedly a fun humor kind of blog. I’m still not sure what I’m doing here. This place is advertised as “Hilarious comic-tary on news, views and attitudes. Every Saturday morning.” I guess I better wake up and start writing. And two of out three ain’t bad.

Long story short: James Franco is chagrined. He is embarrassed. He is contrite. He’s currently appearing on his personal apology tour and saying things like, “I used bad judgement.”

Selfies are something new to me, but as I have become increasingly addicted to Instagram, I have been accused of posting too many of them. I was called out on the “Today” show, and have even been called the selfie king.

I am actually turned off when I look at an account and don’t see any selfies, because I want to know whom I’m dealing with. In our age of social networking, the selfie is the new way to look someone right in the eye and say, “Hello, this is me.”

Source: James Franco, “The Meanings of the Selfie,” The New York Times, December 26, 2013

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Actors have been lashing out against their profession and its grip on their public images since at least Marlon Brando. … As an actor, you are often in the uncomfortable position of being the most visible part of a project while having the least amount of say over its final form.

Source: James Franco, “Why Actors Act Out,” The New York Times, February 19, 2014

Before I could have a voice about this subject, though, I had to educate myself about the scandal. So I went to the Google News and searched for “james franco.” Hmm, only “788 more articles.” I hate it when the internet goes dry! Why, just the other day I searched for something really important and only got two results. It’s nice to see that some things still work like they should. Because, priorities.

Biebalypse

Bieber ahead

Look, I get it. I really do. I can fire up my social umbrage with the best of them.

A celebrity did something stupid?

Oh, goodie! Was it a tweet that they’ve since deleted but 50 million people saved as screenshots and is now being freely distributed on Tumblr so they’ll be forced to issue a quasi-apology absolutely devoid of any possible meaning?

No. Well, is it the next best thing? Does it involve sex and drugs? Criminal activity? Is it a scandal?