A Letter To America, My Bigly Sad Friend

Dear America,

Hi there, girlfriend! How you doing? It’s been, like, forevs since we’ve had a chance to get dishy with it and go all sharesies with some hard-core alternative facts. *big wink*

Mea culpa, I take full responsibility for not checking in. Been busy reinventing my entire life, in the aftermath of finding out I was involved with a cheater and his Danish married girlfriend (how do you say sad sausage in Danish?)…which made me think of psychopath, which led me to personality disorder, and of course, THAT reminded me about you and the new addition to your life!

Huh, the way our minds work, eh? Swipe left, swipe right…like Tinder only not gross and creepy. Mostly.

It was just last year you were talking about expanding your family to welcome in someone “emotionally-challenged” and it’s been, what? Almost four months now with whatshisname…Dingle, Dongle, Doofus…oh, I remember! Donald! How’s that working for you, sweetie?

I so admire you for spit-balling your personal integrity and just going for it. Oorah, Marine! 

Banned?! Oh Brother!

Sure; it’s all fun and games till someone pokes an eye out, or gets sick from eating undercooked meat. Seriously, these things are raw! (Image from seriouseats dot com)

Sometime back, I wrote a post poking fun at the government’s campaign to ban bullying.  Both of my loyal readers at the time must have tolerated my political incorrectness, because a full week after posting it, I didn’t receive one scrap of hate mail.  The fact that my loyal readers then, as now, tend to be website owners from the Sudan with limited mastery of the English language may or may not have been a factor.