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Hello from Earth!

NWR is on life support right now. We’re not posting often, but we’ve been in mourning for a while.

I’ll begin by saying it was a sad day when our founder disappeared into the universe. If there’s a heaven for sarcastic people, she’s sitting on the throne.

She’s one of the lucky ones, being in a place where she can look down upon the stressed, regressed, blessed, and messed up people of Earth and laugh at our inability to rise up to her level of sarcas-attude.

Earth has to be the oh-pity-me of sarcasm. Oh, I just looked it up and it’s spelled epitome. Same thing. Where else can you find a bunch of politicians who’ve convinced an entire populus that it’s perfectly normal to go into politics a pauper and leave as a billionaire 30 year later?

Our present civilization can be represented in this picture:

Can a pressure cooker explode? why do pressure cooker explode?

If you don’t spend time in the kitchen, that’s a pressure about to explode.

My home economics teacher once described the sound of a bomb going off and a kitchen full of lima bean goop. She said it took days to clean off the concrete-like residue.

I, for one, do not one to be the remains that must be cleaned off the Earth in the aftermath. All the aliens wanting our planet will, in all probability, simply build over it.’

I’ll try to post at least once a year, until the rest of our reporters wake up and write something.

“I woke up still not dead again today.”  A song Willie Nelson wrote when he woke up to his obituary slathered all over the news.

So…I went on our illustrious founder’s Facebook page to wish her a happy birthday and it says she passed away.

I had the flu for 2 weeks, so maybe I’m just delirious, but when someone named Susan says her friend passed away, I believe her.  Susan is an honest name.

While I look for my cat that mysteriously disappeared, even though he never leaves the house, I will ponder Schrödinger’s cat, which is dead unless it’s not, until someone tells me which kind of box I can find Jay/Janet inside.

Okay!  I admit it! I haven’t written anything for NWR in…in

Dear God! 


Where did the thyme go?

Ah, the spice of life; hair today, gone tomorrow. If you don’t believe it, you haven’t seen what’s left on my head.

Over-dramatic representation

What’s new in the news world? 

Not much. 

Same old stories about rape gangs in Europe, civil war in Africa, famine, garbage islands the size of Australia in the Pacific, radioactive tuna, people of all races/colors/creeds fighting over wrongs that happened centuries ago while human trafficking happens right in front of them.

In other words, we never learn a D@%&#d thing.

Hmm…what do I want for breakfast?

That has to wait until I feed the cats, or they’ll be trying to steal my turkey ham and eggs.

Hey…something interesting on social media.  Poor woman!

I know, I know, what’s wrong with me, us, the world?  I actually found the non-medical term for it:

Yes, we are suffering from a bad case of OCD:

Other Countries Deficits

….and ADD

Any Distraction (will do) Disorder.

One day, I’ll donate the 20 blankets I don’t use to charity.  One day, I’ll go through my fridge and find the remains of that apricot cobbler I couldn’t finish.  Someday I’ll give $10 a month to help fight female genital mutilation…

Oh, look!  I don’t have to be concerned about 3rd world problems any longer!

I’m sooooo relieved!