Hello from Earth!

NWR is on life support right now. We’re not posting often, but we’ve been in mourning for a while.

I’ll begin by saying it was a sad day when our founder disappeared into the universe. If there’s a heaven for sarcastic people, she’s sitting on the throne.

She’s one of the lucky ones, being in a place where she can look down upon the stressed, regressed, blessed, and messed up people of Earth and laugh at our inability to rise up to her level of sarcas-attude.

Earth has to be the oh-pity-me of sarcasm. Oh, I just looked it up and it’s spelled epitome. Same thing. Where else can you find a bunch of politicians who’ve convinced an entire populus that it’s perfectly normal to go into politics a pauper and leave as a billionaire 30 year later?

Our present civilization can be represented in this picture:

Can a pressure cooker explode? why do pressure cooker explode?

If you don’t spend time in the kitchen, that’s a pressure about to explode.

My home economics teacher once described the sound of a bomb going off and a kitchen full of lima bean goop. She said it took days to clean off the concrete-like residue.

I, for one, do not one to be the remains that must be cleaned off the Earth in the aftermath. All the aliens wanting our planet will, in all probability, simply build over it.’

I’ll try to post at least once a year, until the rest of our reporters wake up and write something.