Posted in 1 Point Perspective, Humor

My Dog Ate My Blog Post…and other lies

There’s the culprit. She took my blog post off the coffee table and ate it as she sat under this Leyland cypress. She had the runs for three days after – my writing is not easily digested.

The more alert among you may have noticed that I posted absolutely nothing when it was my turn the last time here at The Nudge Wink Report.  I would’ve written, but I’ve stumbled onto something that’s bigger than mere humor bloggery.

It began innocently enough.  As you may know, I’ve begun brewing beer in earnest, and blogging much less.  The inherent risks of moving ten or eleven gallons of very hot, sugary wort without burning or breaking myself were becoming more and more clear. Not wishing to suffer a scalded hernia, I knew it was time to look into getting a pump.  As a quick aside, my long-suffering wife has been a saint in tolerating my frequent expenditures for all sorts of Teutonic-sounding gizmos.  I’ve learned that it’s always best to at least attempt buying used stuff before whipping out a credit card ordering from BeerBruerAddiction.com.

Thus I found myself on Craigslist looking for a pump.  What I uncovered there gave me chills.  There’s a massive surplus of used breast pumps out there!  We’ve once again created a technology which by its very nature outlives its useful years with virtually no resale value.  Is it a stretch (mark) to wonder what may become of all those valves, vacuums and anatomically-designed nipple saddles?  The technology just gets cooler – I see your Dick Tracy two-way wrist radio and raise you my noise cancelling head-phones with Bluetooth compatibility and scalp massage function.

Clearly the stage is set for the coming man-versus-robot war for planetary dominance.  The discarded breast pumps will likely become foot soldiers in an army which will include Mr. Coffees, non-oscillating oscillating fans, cassette decks and everyone’s last five cell phones.  I’m giving up on humor – big loss I know – and using my massive following of readers to sound the alarm.  Stop worrying about the jack asses in Washington and focus on the real threat.

I used this doodle covered handout in a post back in December of 2015. I’m like the Nostrildamos of techno-phobes.

I’d write more, but my blender has been sizing me up the entire time I’ve been typing.  Better hit “Publish” before the router mysteriously turns off.

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Author:

I used to write a fair amount here on my blog, but then I got lazier and now I only manage to write over at The Nudge Wink Report once every month or so.  I only write there because of assigned deadlines and my unflagging allegiance to a woman I've never met but love anyway, the lovely Blogdramedy herself.  My current profile there is a 30,000 word run-on-sentence and ends up keeping people from scrolling all the way to the comments section.  As any blogger will tell you, posting without getting comments is like kissing your first cousin - and not in a hot, West Virginia sort of way.  I'm hoping this little blurb can take the place of the other profile and allow people to actually reach the comments section.

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