The more alert among you may have noticed that I posted absolutely nothing when it was my turn the last time here at The Nudge Wink Report. I would’ve written, but I’ve stumbled onto something that’s bigger than mere humor bloggery.
It began innocently enough. As you may know, I’ve begun brewing beer in earnest, and blogging much less. The inherent risks of moving ten or eleven gallons of very hot, sugary wort without burning or breaking myself were becoming more and more clear. Not wishing to suffer a scalded hernia, I knew it was time to look into getting a pump. As a quick aside, my long-suffering wife has been a saint in tolerating my frequent expenditures for all sorts of Teutonic-sounding gizmos. I’ve learned that it’s always best to at least attempt buying used stuff before whipping out a credit card ordering from BeerBruerAddiction.com.
Thus I found myself on Craigslist looking for a pump. What I uncovered there gave me chills. There’s a massive surplus of used breast pumps out there! We’ve once again created a technology which by its very nature outlives its useful years with virtually no resale value. Is it a stretch (mark) to wonder what may become of all those valves, vacuums and anatomically-designed nipple saddles? The technology just gets cooler – I see your Dick Tracy two-way wrist radio and raise you my noise cancelling head-phones with Bluetooth compatibility and scalp massage function.
Clearly the stage is set for the coming man-versus-robot war for planetary dominance. The discarded breast pumps will likely become foot soldiers in an army which will include Mr. Coffees, non-oscillating oscillating fans, cassette decks and everyone’s last five cell phones. I’m giving up on humor – big loss I know – and using my massive following of readers to sound the alarm. Stop worrying about the jack asses in Washington and focus on the real threat.
I’d write more, but my blender has been sizing me up the entire time I’ve been typing. Better hit “Publish” before the router mysteriously turns off.