Perhaps you’ve seen the commercial for Movantik, the special medicine for opioid induced constipation. For those of you who might not be in the know, one of the unfortunate side effects of opioid use is constipation. If the advertisements are to be believed, the usual laxative choices are simply inadequate for sphincter-cement due to OxyContin. To put it bluntly, milk of magnesia is no match for milk of the poppy.
A wiser path to regularity for opioid users might be to stop taking them and eat a balanced diet with sufficient fiber. Of course, that advice is complicated by a more well-known side effect, known as addiction.
I know what you’re thinking; this is a humor blog, and while (someone else’s) constipation is worth a chuckle or two, opioid addiction is no laughing matter. You’re right of course, and I’ll try to stay off the addiction aspect of this and focus on other things. Take for instance, the recent public service outreaches from New Jersey’s Governor Chris Christie. The man who allegedly forced massive traffic snarls as petty retribution for a political slight and who regularly goes on rants about professional sports teams and their fans – has suddenly taken interest in giving drug users somewhere to turn instead of overdosing. Many believe Governor Christie has a food addiction problem, so it’s understandable that he might have sympathy for others struggling with Chunky Monkeys on their backs.
Here’s a thought; instead of helping people deal with opioid induced constipation, maybe the pharmaceutical industry could work on getting people off of opioids in the first place. A more cynical blogger might point out that getting people off drugs doesn’t help drug company profits. Everything comes back to the almighty dollar. If it’s not about money, why would US troops in Afghanistan be guarding poppy fields? Perhaps they’re just defending the poppies rights to freely elect their own leaders and to not grow up to hate America.
You were right all along – aside from the photo of C.C. in a rather snug baseball uniform, there’s no funny here. Maybe next time.