Posted in 1 Point Perspective, Humor

Potty Talk

Perhaps you’ve seen the commercial for Movantik, the special medicine for opioid induced constipation.  For those of you who might not be in the know, one of the unfortunate side effects of opioid use is constipation.  If the advertisements are to be believed, the usual laxative choices are simply inadequate for sphincter-cement due to OxyContin.  To put it bluntly, milk of magnesia is no match for milk of the poppy.

A wiser path to regularity for opioid users might be to stop taking them and eat a balanced diet with sufficient fiber.  Of course, that advice is complicated by a more well-known side effect, known as addiction.

Unofficial side-effects of Movantik may include staying addicted to opiates - but at least you can drop a deuce now, amiright? Image from pinstopin dot com
Unofficial side-effects of Movantik may include staying addicted to opiates – but at least you can drop a deuce now, amiright? Image from pinstopin dot com

I know what you’re thinking; this is a humor blog, and while (someone else’s) constipation is worth a chuckle or two, opioid addiction is no laughing matter.  You’re right of course, and I’ll try to stay off the addiction aspect of this and focus on other things.  Take for instance, the recent public service outreaches from New Jersey’s Governor Chris Christie.  The man who allegedly forced massive traffic snarls as petty retribution for a political slight and who regularly goes on rants about professional sports teams and their fans – has suddenly taken interest in giving drug users somewhere to turn instead of overdosing.  Many believe Governor Christie has a food addiction problem, so it’s understandable that he might have sympathy for others struggling with Chunky Monkeys on their backs.

We want a pitcher, not a bellied bitcher... Image from ar15 dot com.
We want a pitcher, not a bellied bitcher…
Image from ar15 dot com.

Here’s a thought; instead of helping people deal with opioid induced constipation, maybe the pharmaceutical industry could work on getting people off of opioids in the first place.  A more cynical blogger might point out that getting people off drugs doesn’t help drug company profits.  Everything comes back to the almighty dollar.  If it’s not about money, why would US troops in Afghanistan be guarding poppy fields? Perhaps they’re just defending the poppies rights to freely elect their own leaders and to not grow up to hate America.

You were right all along – aside from the photo of C.C. in a rather snug baseball uniform, there’s no funny here.  Maybe next time.

 

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Author:

I used to write a fair amount here on my blog, but then I got lazier and now I only manage to write over at The Nudge Wink Report once every month or so.  I only write there because of assigned deadlines and my unflagging allegiance to a woman I've never met but love anyway, the lovely Blogdramedy herself.  My current profile there is a 30,000 word run-on-sentence and ends up keeping people from scrolling all the way to the comments section.  As any blogger will tell you, posting without getting comments is like kissing your first cousin - and not in a hot, West Virginia sort of way.  I'm hoping this little blurb can take the place of the other profile and allow people to actually reach the comments section.

3 thoughts on “Potty Talk

  1. Question: If we’re #1, why don’t we have our own poppy fields? Maybe Trump will slap a tariff on the Afghanistan stuff. USA! USA! USA!

    That might not be Christie’s wisest outfit choice. Yes, I am doubting his fashion sense!

    Favorite mascot of all time? The opioid pill that walks around on two legs. I love that little guy!

    These days, I hear there’s a new thing where only a single pill can kill users by overdose. That’s when you know for sure that things are not going your way.

    Like

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