Posted in Carla Louise, Humor

Welcome To Australia

I know that Australia is confusing to a lot of people. I mean, we speak a different language (and we like to shorten everything, especially names):

  • Straya
  • Stubbies (could mean footy shorts or beers)
  • Which brings me to the next one … footy
  • G’day (hello)
  • Bikkie (biscuit)
  • Maccas (McDonald’s)
  • Acadaca (which is weird, because normally we like to shorten things, but this time we decided to lengthen something!)
  • Devo (devastated)
  • Arvo (afternoon)
  • Din-Dins (strangely, I only ever say this to my dog …)
  • Brekkie (breakfast)
  • Servo (service station)
  • Bottle-o (liquor store)
  • Garbo (garbage man)
  • Postie (postman)
  • Smoko (smoke break)
  • Rego (registration)
  • Agro (aggressive)
  • Preggers (pregnant)
  • Cabbie (cab driver)
  • Prezzie (present)
  • Vinnies (St Vincent’s)
  • Salvos (Salvation Army)
  • Cuppa (cup of tea)

I could go on, but the point is, we clearly have our own, awesome language. (Also, despite the fact that I’m an English teacher – and actually quite good at English, I’m known to have the best words – I actually kind of forgot some of the “real” names, because I’ve become so accustomed to using slang.)

However, despite our awesome made-up language that really is totes real, so are our warnings about our deadly fauna and flora.

Seriously.

Like, I know Australians like to tell everyone about drop bears because it’s funny to scare foreigners (well, to only those of us who lack compassion, which has never been me *cough*), but seriously, half our animals and plants will kill you.

Image result for beware drop bears

Or at least try to.

Like Koala Bears. They’re called bears for a reason, people.

And there was that time we had a war with emus. Yes, you’re not reading that wrong.

I would also like to take the time to bow my head in shame and say that we lost that war.

Emus literally beat us.

Fucking emus.

Image result for war with emus

But don’t believe me that everything here wants to kill you?

Well, last week a spider ate a mouse.

Yes, you read the sentence right and no, that wasn’t a typo. A fucking spider ate a fucking mouse. (Also part of Australian culture – swear excessively. To be honest, I’m on the low end of the swearing spectrum. We also don’t consider ass, crap, damn or hell to be swear words, either.)

Anyway, you can Google the spider eating a mouse if you want, but I’m not including it on account of a fucking spider ate a fucking mouse.

And that shit’s just fucked.

But, if that doesn’t sound scary enough for you, I’d like to show you a video of a snake eating a crocodile.

Yes, you also read that sentence right.

A snake literally ate a fucking crocodile.

Welcome to Australia.

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Author:

My name is Carla Robinson and I’m 26 years old. I love fashion, cooking, travelling and animals. I’m an English & History teacher, and have taught at three different schools in the past five years. If you’re interested in following me more closely, please check out my Instagram page: https://instagram.com/carlalouise01/ Or my Facebook page: https://www.facebook.com/melodramaticconfessionsofcarlalouise/

21 thoughts on “Welcome To Australia

  1. It’s a strange land, down under. But full of people and things I’d one day love to meet. *grin*

    Except for that spider. Oh. And maybe I’ll take a pass on the snake, too. If I ever come visit, maybe they can plan to be the elsewhere where I am not. 🙂

    Liked by 2 people

    1. I have, but other than some slang words, I don’t speak that way. To be honest, because I don’t, and I enunciate my words, most Australians think I’m from England or something. I could write it, but it wouldn’t be “me”, if that makes sense? Although, I’d probably throw in a few things every now and then. Like, I’d have to write “I wore thongs” and not flip-flops, because bloody Americans. It’s definitely thongs. 😉

      Liked by 1 person

  2. That snake-eating-crocodile video is about my worst nightmare come true. And people were standing around videotaping it? Why? In case the combatants decided that fight was too exhausting and it would be a whole hell of a lot easier if they each snagged a stupid tourist or two?

    Liked by 2 people

    1. Nah, a tourist wouldn’t be big enough 😉

      And they’re videotaping it because it’s Australia. While snakes don’t eat crocodiles every day, it’s also not that shocking for us. We have spiders that eat birds. Hell, we have spiders that eat snakes. Everything eats everything here.

      Like

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