Posted in Humor

Ammonade

tom-bundy
Actual photo of your intrepid reporter impersonating a Bundy.

Momma always said, “when life give you Ammons, make ammonade.” Goes well with the blood of tyrants, I reckon.

I want to like the Bundy clan, I really do, but I find them a little standoffish. Yeah, I said it.

When I saw the Nudge Wink Report schedule and that I had been assigned October 29th, I resigned myself to the wacky Halloween episode shtick. I mean, c’mon! Pumpkin spice pancakes?! Again? Amiright?!

Luckily, though, fates intervened and gave me even scarier fodder. I’m not one to back down, so here goes. I’m birthing a post of pith and wisdom regarding the Bundy Clan. (Wacky birthing episode is my second favorite shtick.)

Have you met Ted?! Oops. Wrong Bundy. Or is it??? Is it?!?!?

Sometimes I sits and thinks and ponder things like the existence of Bundies. It tends to make me feel creative and I frequently burst into song.

When Cliven Bundy was a little baby
Settin’ on his mammy’s knee
Picked up a rifle in his right hand
Said, “Ain’t gonna pay no grazin’ fees!”

When Cliven Bundy was a little baby
Settin’ on his daddy’s knee
His daddy picked him and threw him on the floor
Said, “This baby’s done wet on me!”

Meanwhile, though, back at the ranch, things were gettin’ a little more serious.

So I guess it’s legal when ya got a beef
To grab your guns and ride herd in the streets
With your Constitution on your left breast
You’ll win the day when the prosecution rests

Does the apple ever question the tree? “No,” replied a Bundy.

Cliven Bundy is a rancher. That often makes me wonder. Is he past his #prime? Probably #Utility grade or lower based on estimates of carcass maturity and ossification. #meat

Seen the bumper stickers that shout, “It was never about a turtle.” What does freedom look like? Turns out it looks like little toy motorbikes made in Japan.

In the beginning, the BLM discovered an illegal ATV trail that ran through Native American ruins and burial sites. The BLM banned motorized vehicles in the canyon. That’s when the Bundy clan donned their camouflaged apparel, assault rifles, American flags, hopped on their ATVs, and gunned it into that canyon. Because, of course they did. Burial sites are so politically correct.

This week the Federal Government badly bungled the Bundy brouhaha. Great. They just energized the Bundy clan. Thanks to all involved during this fracas for helping me to become a vegetarian.

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Author:

The Guru of Negativity

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