Posted in Humor, Meerkat Musings

Customer Wars Episode II: The Bulldog


We all know the human equivalent of a Jack Russell (read, small yappy dog with a Naepoleon Complex). They’re aggressive beyond their standing, making demands and picking fights to prove their worthiness in the eyes of… well I’m not too sure who they’re trying to impress. Other people.

Confession time, I made a bit of a mistake here. I meant to phone someone and I didn’t, so the swift replacement of some damaged unit legs wasn’t arranged. Ho hum. My bad. However, said damaged legs were collected from the store some 7-10 days before they were fitted, but within that time they weren’t checked!


I mean, come on. I get what you’re saying about the quality control at the factory (because it’s perfectly reasonable to expect 100% quality control across thousands of goods), and sure, we could have checked it in the store – but then again, so could you! So no, we won’t be reimbursing you for time lost and other jobs lost because of the hassle over one set of legs you didn’t check whilst in your possession for several days (and breathe). In fact, seeing as you told me you will deliberately not do those jobs just so you can invoice my employer, I don’t think you have any credibility.

I wish I could say this is an isolated incident, but it’s really not. I had another experience at my previous job with the human equivalent of the bulldog. A big, burly man whose vocabulary was limited to a collection of four letter words. Ok, so he had cause to be slightly aggrieved (but neither myself nor my colleagues can bend technology to our will for a customer’s benefit). Does this grant him the right to launch into a sweary tirade? No! In fact, swearing at me is less likely to achieve the desired outcome.

See, here’s the thing. You might think your rant at the salesperson or floor assistant is so epic and so devastating that you’ll get exactly what you want, but if you’re wrong, you’re wrong. By all means, quote the name of whatever Act covers consumer law in your country – it might help if you understood it as well? Just a friendly suggestion. You can be bullish and threaten to cancel orders (oh no guys, our multi-million pound business is going to lose a thousand pounds – we’d better bend over backwards for this guy who is in the wrong – that was sarcastic by the way). In the end, we won’t help you and we’ll actually mock you savagely once you’re out the door (and I mean brutally, as in your moustache is badly clipped).


Don’t let the door hit you on the way out!



Self-professed sci-fi nut, massive Formula 1 fan and Nintendo junkie. Most importantly though, a proud father and devoted husband! Through my website,, I am to express myself. I hope to let people see who I am and where I stand. I am not afraid to say that I support the LBGTQ community in their fight for equality, that I oppose creationism being taught as a science, and that I believe religion should not interfere in affairs of state. One of my passions is Liverpool football club. It's not easy being a supporter, but I wouldn't change it. It's my hope to live to see the day we find alien life. That would be amazing! I am unashamedly a lover of both Indian and Chinese food, though sometimes you can't be a good old Sunday roast! If someone could arrange for me to meet Nigel Mansell, that would be great.

4 thoughts on “Customer Wars Episode II: The Bulldog

  1. That old gambit? Trying to get millions in damages blamed on the $42. Customers are always trying to pull that classic gag. Always good fun! “Hey, your Britney Spears scented air freshener hanging from the rear view mirror caused me to wreck my Bentley. You owe me $1 million + $1.29.”

    Liked by 1 person

Nudge us with a comment

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in: Logo

You are commenting using your account. Log Out / Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out / Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out / Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out / Change )

Connecting to %s