What the fucking fuck?
I could write this week about politics and plagiarism but I’m having a moment.
Just over a year ago, Ashley Madison users were “outed” after a major hack of their database. People who thought they were in a loving, mature relationship discovered they were actually living their lives with four-year olds who happened to have credit cards.
This was followed by a busting of their CEO, along with some dubious billing practices, which came to light after the hack.
The company’s tagline was, “Life is short. Have an affair.” In the months after the massive media fucklistfest, numerous relationship imploded when betrayed spouses discovered that their supposedly loving partners were getting a little something something on the side. That side usually came with a plate of STD followed by a “to-go” order of lawyering up.
Now the company that brought us AM is back after slapping a fresh coat of lipstick on the lizard.
They hope you have it in you to forgive and forget they were a company that gleefully encouraged the cheater in your life to slap down what was probably some of YOUR hard-earned money so they could bang a bit of strange.
Because, hey! Life is short. And it’s too scary to go to your partner and say the relationship isn’t working. For whatever reason. Nope, that would be too hard. Your partner might *gasp* get pissed off and haul off and smack you one. They might sit you down and make you *eye roll* talk. OUT LOUD. Instead of being a mature adult, you decided to sign up with AM so you could have get your cake baked, and eat it, too.
This refresh of AM comes backed with a $10 million media buy. I guess if you throw enough money at something, you can buy a bad memory. Oh, wait. I don’t have to guess. I know. Just look at what the RNC had going on this week. Do people really find it easy to forget when they’ve been fucked with?
Part of the rebranding (oh how I’m coming to intensely dislike this word) is divorcing themselves from the tagline, “Life is short. Have an affair.” and trying to find your sweet spot with “Find your moment.”
Isn’t that cute? Doesn’t that make you go “aww?”
Anyone who’s been cheated on knows there’s more than one moment.
There are many moments. Really special moments. Like the moment you discovered his secret email account. Or the moment you saw the credit card bill listing hotels you never stayed at. Or the moment your doctor suggested you go for an Aids test.
Or the moment your son asked why Daddy was kissing your best friend.
Those are some pretty special fucking moments. Moments like those you don’t forget in a hurry. I wonder if any of these moments made it to the talking points at any of the focus groups put on by the marketing company who came up with this frankly disgusting piece of fuckfoolery.
Not only does AM hope you have a short memory, they hope you’re stupid, too. Because if you watch these videos and think any of these couples are in a happy marriage, you really are dumb. And if you are, in fact, in an unhappy marriage and think finding your moment with a stranger will magically change all that, then you really are a dumb fucking unicorn.
Monogamy is not for everyone. Casual sex is not for everyone. If you want to have a third (or forth, or fifth) person in your relationship, that’s cool.
As long as you can afford to buy enough condoms, fuck away and have fun.
But if you agree to be in a committed relationship, be in a committed relationship. Don’t fuck around with the people who love you. Because there is nothing worse for your partner than discovering they are in an open marriage, only you forgot to tell them. It disrespects the other person and makes you a really pathetic excuse of a human being.
Someone with the emotional depth of a shot glass.
Don’t be the guy that turns out to be “that guy.” Don’t be the girl who turns out to be “that girl.”
Take a breath. Take a moment. Take back your self-respect and have the courtesy to be honest with the people in your life.
In other words, don’t be a fucking douchebag.
nudge. wink. report. 
Hear hear!
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*high fives then does jazz hands*
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Ashley Madison? Isn’t that what Charlie Brown liked to eat? Sigh. Good grief.
Wait. Oh yeah. It’s all coming back to me now. And all this time I thought “getting hacked” was something kinky found in the Urban Dictionary. Kids these days.
When I go out extra-marital style I want to do it the old-fashioned way. With my wife hiring a beautiful woman to seduce me in a bar to test the strength of our relationship. Right when you think you’re about to get lucky for the last time in your life, your wife jumps out of the closet with a video camera and yells, “Gotcha, sucker!”
Of course, that wouldn’t work on me. I’d smell entrapment the moment a woman paid any attention to me. That’s my fail-safe.
Ashley Madison is wrong on so many levels. First, it’s spawned from the juicy loins of Satan. Secondly, it’s been hacked. “Trust us,” they said. “This time we’ve got security.” Thirdly, and perhaps most importantly, I wouldn’t be caught dead touching anyone who actually used the service. Because, cooties. That’s the real Catch-22 of Ashley Madison.
Now I’m a pretty open-minded guy. I don’t care who does what to whom and for how many cookies. If consenting adults want to do things to each other, no one objects, and no one gets hurt, I say, “Cry havoc and let slip the horndogs of whore.” Whatevs. But, there is one nitty fly in the ointment.
What was the promise you made when you got married? Did you promise to mutually mount everything in sight? If so, fine. If two non-monogamous horny people want to be “married” and both are fully aware of the arrangement and voluntarily consent, I see no problem. At least no one is being deceived. Maybe it works out, maybe it doesn’t. That’s their fucking problem. (Pun intended.)
Methinks, however, that most marriages are decidedly not founded on that sort of thing. Most, I think, include vows of fidelity and such. At least one person in the marriage is under that impression. If so, infidelity is not the real problem. It’s the breaking of the promise that is the ultimate sin.
If you don’t want to be monogamous, why lie your way into a marriage? Be honest about who and what you are and don’t make a promise you never intend to keep. Because, that’s not a marriage. That’s the willful hurting of another life.
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As always, you pounded out the perfect response to a post. You nailed it!
The point about being hacked again? Good one. But I guess if you’re willing to fuck up your marriage for something new and sparkly, and think you’ll never get caught, hacking is not going to even cross your small, narrow mind.
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You had me at “What the fucking fuck?”! Great post and now I’m off to lose my breakfast. This is a sick world we live in.
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Hey hey! Thanks for the say so, Mrs. A. How you been?
I was going to write about the RNC this week then saw a blurb about AM and their “rebranding.” The only sane response to this IS what the fucking fuck. *grin*
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I can tell you are more than enraged, and i can certainly understand why.
What kind of excuses can a man give his wife to explain away a hotel room? Unless he’s the kind of guy who travels for work, that’s like screaming to her, “I’m having affairs!”
Maybe you could make a fortune creating bumper stickers for women to put on an ex-husband’s (or soon-to-be-ex) car that says, “I cheated on my wife. She got the house. I got chlamydia. 🙂
If all goes well, he won’t find it for a few weeks.
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There are no excuses. I’m done hanging with people who lie about everything, even when it’s in their best interest not to lie. Cheating seems to be the new black and frankly, it’s getting a bit boring. There’s a website called “Chump Lady” and she writes about cheaters. What was so shocking at first was how unoriginal they all are. The same stories over and over, just switch out the cheater’s name. PS-Zazzle.com could probably do you up those bumper stickers no problem. *grin*
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When you’ve spent over a decade of your life in the clutches of someone like that, it feels good to be free. I’ll have to look up chump lady.
Glad to see you back at NWR, and bouncing back from betrayal.
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*boing*
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So you’re saying I shouldn’t have an affair?
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I guess in a round-about, totally vague, not at all serious, just joshing you kind of way. Yes.
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Whenever I hear Ashley Madison, I immediately think of Billy Madison. And in doing so, I offer up this summation as the Principal of Good Sense:-
“Ashley Madison, what you’ve just said in your Ad is one of the most insanely idiotic things I have ever heard. At no point in your rambling, incoherent slogan were you even close to anything that could be considered a rational thought regarding relationships, let alone finding your moment to ruin them. Everyone in this room is now dumber for having listened to your bullshit. I award you no custom, consider this a divorce, don’t let the door hit your ass on the way out and may God have mercy on your soul, even if you’ve already traded it in to the devil for a quick sweaty grope in your pants.”
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Concise and seriously to the point. Well done, you! It’s amazing how easily some people can justify exploding their lives just to bang a bit of strange.
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The first time I saw their ads I didn’t quite understand what they were selling. When I did, I had to pick my jaw off the floor. I know this isn’t the main point, but what struck me most was that such a scumbag organization could get networks to sell them airtime.
People have always cheated and it has always been wrong. What seems to have changed is our new response to bad behavior is a societal shoulder-shrug. “Wrong? schmrong! Do whatever the hell you want.”
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Remember the line, “if it bleeds, it leads?” Shocking and salacious feeds the monster — both networks and those people who get some weird thrill from reading/watching this crap. Networks will sell time to anyone as long as their money is green so I expect their reason why would be, “Hey! Don’t look at us…we just report the news. We don’t make the news.” Yeah. Right. Our collective lives would all be much improved if we all just stopped the lies. Just. Stop. Why are people so afraid of the truth? Okay, enough. Now I’m pissed. Again. Is it too early for a cocktail? *grin*
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