As you may be aware, I hail from England. Right now, we are preparing for a major football tournament – the European Championships! A summer of footie!

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Yes, I can be flamboyant. Football does that to even the most straight-laced man, but I digress slightly. It’s at this stage of events, shortly before a major tournament begins, that the nation is transformed. We go from being office workers, salesmen, painters, carpenters, plumbers and more, to being pundits, with learned and expert opinions. In short, we become Supreme Authorities on football (I of course, am a Supreme Authority on football*).

*this statement may be a small lie**

**alright, it’s a whopper.

So, everyone is now a master of tactics and team selection. We are all absolutely certain we can do a better job than this man:

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Sorry Roy, but this picture was too good to pass up.

Why am I a Supreme Authority? Well, I, like millions of fellow menfolk, have watched a football match or two. I’ve played Football Manager, which is a frighteningly realistic simulation of the sport (though still missing things, like ‘player seen snogging supermodel at 3am outside nightclub’ or ‘player seen snorting unsavoury substance’). I’ve even been known to win trophies on Football Manager – so come on, my opinion obviously counts for more, right? Right?!

As and when England crash out (probably during the group stage), my armchair opinion will be proven right. Meanwhile, a lot of us will be doing this:

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Coincidentally, given the shock outcome of England actually contriving to win the Euros (do the planets align this year?), the above images also apply.

So what does it all boil down to? Well, if anyone at the FA wants my ideas, feel free to write to me. Supreme Authority, 123 Imagination Land. Oh, and can I have millions of pounds now?

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