It ain't easy to run in heels.

It ain’t easy to run in heels.

Dear Travelocity,

It’s over between us.

I stopped by your site last week to look at hotels for a possible weekend getaway in Chicago.  Now you won’t leave me alone.   I got two emails from you just this morning asking about my Chicago vacation plans.   I don’t HAVE any such plans.  Those emails arrived in the same batch as one from TripAdvisor, their 15th in the last 2 weeks suggesting not-to-be-missed B & Bs in the San Francisco Bay area.  My mouse must have accidentally hovered over that option on their site a couple of weeks ago.

You’re chasing me like a starving lion after a wounded wildebeest.  Before you can get to me, though, you’ll have to elbow aside the relentless stalkers from Staples.  Their ads hawking paper shredders have been following me throughout the internet ever since I made the grave mistake of buying one from them almost 2 months ago.  Now there’s no escaping them.

I logged onto Facebook today and there, in the margin, I beheld the same sparkly, rhinestone bracelet I had looked at on Ebay the day before.   It winked at me: dazzling, tempting, but also confusing.  How had it got HERE, when I had looked at it THERE?  The tag line under the picture coyly asked, “Still interested?”

You’re stalking me, Travelocity.  You and TripAdvisor, Staples and Facebook, Ebay and Amazon – you’re ALL after me.  It’s a conspiracy.

You’re an army of hookers in red satin dresses, slouching on every street corner of the interwebz.  When I pass by, you flaunt your wares and suggestively smirk, “Hey sailor, see something you like?”

No, I don’t see something I like.  I’m not that kind of girl.  WHY CAN’T YOU JUST LEAVE ME ALONE?

Don’t call me, Travelocity…I’ll call you.