Sitting here this morning and looking at the title of this post, I’m thinking I should have gone with things I know to be false. Call me contrary but I’m drawn to the downside of life. It’s a quirk. But today I’m breaking out of that box and embracing some truthiness.
Another quirk is not changing the title of a post once written. When I commit, I bring a sleeping bag and a change of underwear.
Here’s what I know to be true (I limited myself to ten otherwise we’d all still be sitting here next Saturday):
1. Coke is better than Pepsi. I won’t get into a big debate. It just is. Because I was told this and I believed. It was the mid-seventies…when Coca Cola came out with their “new” formula for Coke. I took one sip and immediately made my Dad drive me 12 miles into town to snap up every available case of the “old” formula Coke. They got me bad. Just stencil “sucker” on my forehead but make it in a pretty color, okay?
2. Every woman should embrace the lift and separate. Ladies, don’t listen to the men. It doesn’t matter how small your cup size, every woman can benefit from the support. Your future self will thank you. (Occasional unfettering…in the right clothes…with the right person…can be nice. I’ll leave it to you to decide where and when. I don’t need that information.)
3. An apple a day does not keep the doctor away. Look at the statistics. Do you know how many people are rushed to the E.R. after an unsuccessful Heimlich maneuver attempt by the person standing next to them in the kitchen when they choked on a bite of Granny Smith? Lots.
4. Everything is either good for you or bad for you. Studies seem to come out every other month about something that is good for you that you never eat or bad for you that you’ve done in ignorance for two months before the study came out telling you it’s bad. But if you wait long enough there’ll be another study that tells you it’s okay. In the end, you’ll be hit by a bus and what’s good or bad won’t matter because you’ll be dead.
5. Sarcasm is not for everyone. Some don’t get it…they think it’s a “spiteful” or “hurtful” form of humor. It’s really not. It’s a concise, and usually accurate, form of communication. Yes, really mean people will use sarcasm to wound. But then, really mean people are usually bullies who don’t know any better and lash out with badly judged sarcastic comments because they’ve got nothing else in their verbal arsenal. They go with the gut swipe and completely miss out on the finesse it takes to deliver a sarcastic comment or query that cuts to the heart of the matter. Their humor is usually pretty lame, too. In the right hands, sarcasm is the pinnacle of wit.
6. Reality television is here to stay. I finally realized this when I saw Bethany whatshername showing her bits & pieces on some talk show recently. She was smiling like she didn’t know anything was wrong with what she was wearing. How stupid is that? She’s a “real” housewife although she is neither real nor no longer a wife. But she’s on tv so she must have something. Right?
7. Very few stand-up comics are funny. We just think they are. You’re at a club listening to someone rant on about something stupid and every other word is a bleep word. Everyone around you is laughing so you laugh along, too. It’s only after you leave that you realize the only thing funny about the evening was the smell coming from the men’s room.
8. The only way to cook a steak is on the rare side of medium-rare. Bloody but not too bloody. Tender and juicy and butter-like in texture. Rubbed in olive oil, sea salt and fresh black pepper. Seared in a hot skillet for three minutes a side then placed in a hot pan in the oven at 450 degrees for six minutes. Trust me.
9. Nothing looks better through the bottom of a glass. Have you held up your cocktail glass and looked through it lately? Everything is all squishy and out of proportion. Downing your drink then looking through the bottom hoping to see something nice is never going to work. What you need to do is down your drink, order another, drink that one, then order a double and THEN look over your glass…I promise you’ll like what you see. Whether you’ll like it in the morning is another question.
10. Eating chocolate cake by yourself is not as much fun as you’d think. I thought it was a good idea yesterday. I had all the fixings. The cake turned out all moist and delicious and the caramel icing…oh, my. That first slice stopped time. And then I ran out of milk.
And that’s a few things I know to be true*. What’s true for you?