Hello good morning and good evening! I’m sitting here at my keyboard, working out in my head the best way to introduce myself. If this were a public setting, I might shake your hand. I might awkwardly mumble my way through saying hello. I might even approach you with confidence and say ‘I’m Ben, nice to meet you!’ Not likely.

Then again, I work in retail sales, so I can usually button down my more nervous self and for a few hours each day I become a functioning human being, capable of exuding charm and wit, encouraging customers to make purchases. I dare say I can do this quite well; the masquerade of my exuberance and confidence serving me enough to put food on the table and keep bricks and mortar around my family and I.

It is via retail sales that a lot of my stories come from. It goes without saying that I have experienced the good, the bad, the ugly and the monsters from Hades in my time spent on the front lines. If someone says to me ‘the customer is always right’, I have to resist the urge to punch them in the throat. As time goes by, you’ll firmly discover just now much I despise this mantra.

I hate mushrooms. I just thought I’d flesh out this post with little details about myself, that being one of them. They look weird, smell bad and taste even worse. They even have a texture that is grim.

I am also a father. This does not define me, but it certainly offers a perspective on the world. It is remarkable how much mess a young child can make in an hour, let alone a day.

In case you’re wondering, I haven’t arrived at The Nudge Wink Report by accident. You can blame Tom from Shouts at the Abyss for my arrival. I declare him responsible for any of my shenanigans and posts from this point onward.

I run a site of my own – Meerkat Musings. It’s a largely irreverent, British perspective on the world and the people in it, and I hope you like it. I also hope I can provide you all with some thought-provoking posts. If that fails, I can post rude jokes.