Posted in Attitudes, Floridaborne, Humor, Views

Life Sucks, Then There’s Thanksgiving Dinner.

Yes, I admit it.  I wrote this post BEFORE looking at what someone else had written.  I have a good excuse, writing a 68,373 word novel in the first 19 days of November for NaNoWriMo and still keeping up with my day job.

Life sucks, and then there’s Thanksgiving dinner. What’s the best way to stay calm in the culinary storm?

calmturkey

<_><_><_><_><_><_><_><_>

Yes, it’s Thanksgiving tomorrow in the USA.  Time to

  • burn the turkey,
  • whip up a quick gravy mix with more chemicals in it than a science lab,
  • open a can of mystery cranberry product, and
  • put so much brown sugar in the sweet potatoes that the token diabetic goes into sugar shock.
sweetpotato casserole
Only 1000 calories per teaspoon.

 

From what I gleaned from my usual 5 minute search of the Internet,  a poll says that Turkey is the favorite food for Thanksgiving, and the least favorite dish is green bean casserole. 

greenbeanjpg
Vomit is more appealing

Who knew?  HINT:  Anyone who has ever been invited to the bosses house on T-day and felt obligated to force it down their throat.

That poll was from 2005, leading me to believe that Thanksgiving polls are not all that popular. 

Personally, I rank Thanksgiving one notch higher than New Years Eve. Why the hell does any woman want to spent 10 hours in the kitchen while the men watch football, and people yell at each other for 20 minutes as they shovel food into their mouths, then spend 2 hours more cleaning up the mess?  Not me!

Turkeymax

The best Thanksgiving starts on Saturday so that I can have Turkey and the trimmings all week at my leisure!  Then I have an entire turkey-free day to polish my attack plan for Cyber Monday.  I think I’ll start with Puritan Pride this year.  I need more Vitamin D.

tofurky
How about some delicious tofurky to go with your green bean casserole?

Today, I have a poll of my own to conduct.  Just write your answer in the reply section below and feel free to vent your turkey heart out!

  1.  What is your favorite Thanksgiving activity?

a.  Cooking, baking and cleaning.

b.  Listening to relatives fight over dinner.

c.  Forget the relatives! I buy turkeys on sale for 59 cents a pound, boil the hell out of them and freeze the meat in packets so I’ll have meat for the next 3 months.

d.  I’d rather have a root canal without anesthetic than be within 100 miles of a relative at Thanksgiving.

e.  Other (this includes going out to eat alone or with someone who isn’t going to remind you of how many ways you’ve disappointed them over the years).

burrito
Quick, delicious, and easier to throw at your relatives than a turkey.

 2.  What is your favorite Thanksgiving dinner?

a. Turkey, dressing, gravy, sweet potatoes—you know…the usual.

b. Tofurky and vegetables (anything from Artichokes to Zucchini)

c. Burritos, burgers or barbecue.

d. Ham, macaroni and cheese, and don’t forget the green bean casserole.

e. Skip the dinner and go straight for the pie.

 optimistturkey

  1. How much weight do you gain between Halloween and New Year’s Eve each year?

a.  People hate me because I never gain a pound.

b.  1 – 10 pounds.

c.  11 – 20 pounds.

d.  21 – 40 pounds.

e.  Just shut up and pass me the entire bowl of egg nog!

That’s all the questions I have for you at this time.  I look forward to your answers….I think.

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Author:

Crabby person who likes to rant. Reading it is free so remember-- you get what you pay for. Well endowed with the multi-layered weirdness that lurks inside a not-quite-right-mind. That's how I write SciFi. Crabby, weird, and to make matters worse, I write poetry. Some of it is even...shudder...nice. I feel like a sandwich that went on a journey of self-discovery just to find I was pastrami with Maraschino Cherries, hot peppers, the contents of an MRE and broccoli on gluten free cheese bread. After that kind of trauma no 'wich is the same again.

36 thoughts on “Life Sucks, Then There’s Thanksgiving Dinner.

    1. That belongs on NWR! I laughed all the way through it. I despise how the turkey neck is jammed into the cavity that is meant for stuffing. No matter how long the turkey thaws, it’s an Olympic feat to get the D@mned thing out.

      You are, most definitely, out there with originality. Brilliance? After consuming all that WD-30, are you still coherent?

      Liked by 1 person

  1. I like all the cooking and cleaning. I’ll wait a minute while you pick yourself off the floor. I still get uber-stressed about it, in fact my 26-year-old just posted a Facebook video of some mom going totally postal about the day in homage to me.

    But there’s about 1/2 hour before everybody comes when the house is spotless, the china and crystal and my mother-in-law’s sterling are all gleaming on the table, and I sit back with a glass of wine and pretend I’m Martha Stewart. It’s all worth it for that moment.

    Happy Thanksgiving, all!

    Liked by 4 people

    1. Some people like gardening, too. I, on the other hand, can kill anything that grows just by trying to take care of it. If it doesn’t thrive on neglect, it doesn’t have a chance.

      My cooking skills are a lot like that.

      Here’s hoping you get through another Thanksgiving with your sanity intact. 🙂

      Like

  2. (deep sigh) I am all about being thankful, still I have FINALLY convinced my sister to start the cooking, as far in advance as possible. Pies.. DONE Mashed potatoes… DONE… Okay, it’s not everything but hey, it’s a start. Me? I’d be happy with board games, snack foods and coffee lattes!

    Liked by 3 people

    1. Is the Saturday before Thanksgiving far enough in advance? 🙂

      Yep. I’d take scrabble and a tube of French onion pringles any day of the week. But I’m partial to chai tea with the evaporated milk left over from mixing the pumpkin pie filling.

      Like

  3. Having four kids, Thanksgiving dinner has always been the time they tell me the truth about something they lied to me about..found out that they put a M80 in my new toilet, it wasn’t the skateboard that bounded off the tub by accident. So now when I don’t believe something I just say, OK I will be waiting for Thanksgiving!
    It’s funny how Americans have a whole day to be thankful and share time together and the next day go out and beat people up for a deal to give a “loved one” a gift a month later.
    This is my first year I’m going to a friends house to listen to them all fight with each other, my time limit is two hours from door entrance to good bye…lol

    Like

  4. I love green bean casserole! But I will never ever eat tofurky. Blech.

    This is the best thanksgiving ever for me. I’ve been invited to two thanksgiving festivities, so turkey for lunch and turkey for dinner. And the only cooking I had to do was bake a cheesecake and make some fudge today. Now I’m just sitting back with a glass of wine. I’m in heaven I tell ya!

    Hope you have a great thanksgiving!

    Liked by 2 people

        1. Actually, I like to cook. I like doing all the stuff. But John’s family each have their own food issues — vegan/gluten-free/fish+veggie/diabetic … so I end up cooking 2-3xs what I would normally do. Which is OK, too.

          But every single year, someone who hasn’t lifted a finger announces at the table that all of this was no trouble. And then I contemplate murder!

          Liked by 1 person

  5. This little piggy went E-E-E all the way home! And I’m asking my congresswoman to sponsor a bill making green bean casserole illegal. Want to sign a petition anyone? It’s a Thanksgiving breakfast for us this year followed by a movie marathon. So popcorn. It’s what’s for Thanksgiving dinner. Yum!

    Liked by 1 person

  6. My husband, newly retired, decided to help this year, and his contribution, announced with pride? A great tradition, he said. Hint: His recent ancestry hail from Chicago and Kalamazoo., i.e., midwest. OK, I’ll tell you. Green bean casserole. Ta da! Our son accommodatingly took off for the grocery store and bought all the ingredients, and now there are cans of beans, cream of mushroom soup and fried onions on the counter next to my awesome, handmade pumpkin pie. Oh wise one, must I eat the casserole? Too cooked out to answer more than #2 above– E.

    Liked by 1 person

    1. Sorry for the delay in answering your question, Great answer! You went straight for the pie, too.

      After politely eating their rendition of salmonella surprise, are you out of the hospital yet? 🙂

      There’s nothing like the taste of rancid oil and canned green beans to ruin a dinner. I have no doubt that your pumpkin pie was a great success.

      Hopefully, revenge came in the form of leftover GBC that they were forced to look at every time they opened the fridge.

      Liked by 1 person

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