sirisaacundertheappletree

I’ve spent half my life looking for an effective diet plan that doesn’t require any real willpower, and now the search is over. Introducing…the SCAT plan!

Inspiration came to me just as it did to Sir Isaac Newton: an apple fell on my head. OK, it wasn’t exactly an apple; it was a can of Glade Apple Pie Air Freshener. But that still qualifies as falling-fruit-induced-brilliance in my book.

I was in the air freshener aisle at the Dollar General looking for something to handle the odor situation in the office bathrooms.   Those can be total stink-bomb zones, as anyone who works in an office knows. Looking through the vast assortment of air fresheners it occurred to me that we humans commit an awful lot of shelf space and money to products designed to mask how stinky we are.   None of these products truly eliminates the bad smell, however. It just morphs into a new smell that combines the stinky and the sublime into something even more objectionable. Put a Wild Rose plug-in in a gym locker and you create Bouquet of Sweat. Spray Fresh Linen in the urinals and you have Crisp Laundry Sprinkled With Stale Urine.  These combinations just taint the nice smells.

At about the same time the can struck me on the head, so did the realization that we could use such disgusting combined scents as a diet aid. The idea for SCAT developed right along with a big goose-egg and a massive headache.

SCAT stands for SCent Aversion Therapy.  A dieter selects an air freshener that mimics the scent of a favorite diet-busting food.  When confronted with an obnoxious smell (ie 13-year-old boy sneakers, a port-a-potty) the dieter merely sprays their downfall scent into the stink-laden air and breathes deeply.   After just a few times, the brain will come to associate the yummy smell with the noxious.  Next time the dieter smells that former binge-inducing food, she won’t want any part of it.

Spray the office bathroom with a SCAT Mister in Apple Pie right after Bernie from Accounting has completed his morning constitutional, and the resultant smell will be Apple Pie a la Poop. It won’t take long for that scent combo to taint your enjoyment of apple pie forever. Whenever you are tempted to dig into a nice, warm slice of pie, the scent will trigger your memory of Bernie and Apple Pie a la Poop, you will feel slightly nauseated, push away from the pie and, ipso, facto, ergo, you will lose weight.

SCAT Misters are available in various pie scents, pizza, brownies, barbecue and a bevy of other fattening food triggers.

With SCAT in hand, the deadly combo of devil’s food and doo-doo will drive your diet-busting desires away!

Call now – operators at PegCo are standing by to take your orders.*

*PegCo is a division of Peg-O-Leg Industries.  PegCo is not responsible for any bad stuff that may happen to anyone at any time for any reason.   At PegCo, our motto is:  Buy it…because we need your money.

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