Posted in Humor, Views

Are Cats Really The Cat’s Meow?

Hello all. NWR Field Reporters here with a special report “views” post.

One of our readers, Darth from MeerKat Musings, took time out of his busy schedule to read some of what we write about here on The Nudge Wink Report. As Darth hails from the U.K. we need to remember to pronounce schedule as shh-ke-dule, and make Darth feel at home and welcome and not like we are ignorant layabouts. Except between the hours of 10am and 3pm, because with the time difference, we start our lunch early then curl up for our daily naps. So restorative, naps.

We’re not sure why Darth sent in this question but he’s a discerning chap and realized that we always have an answer to any question put forth by our readers. We don’t guarantee to always provide the correct answer but no one ever said we had to and we’ve checked out the 40-page employment contract management insisted we sign and, nope, an answer, any answer, fulfills our obligations under the letter of the law.

Darth asks, “What do we all think about cats?” And we’re fairly sure he means felines and not the Broadway show, CATS.

Tom: I did not anticipate this question. But, as a cat lover and an atheist I feel I am uniquely situated to field it. Cats are the clearest evidence we have yet that a malevolent designer was behind the creation of everything and/or the universe. (Whichever is bigger. I forget.) Not even Cyberdyne Systems T-800 (Model 101) was as cleverly designed. Witness the oddly shaped, pink, and quivering nose which is obviously intended to make us void our kibble. The outer coverings, or fur if you will, which lulls most humans inexorably into a false sense of security. And, of course, the hypnotic “purr” modulations which fiendishly distract our attention. That’s when we discover the claw, distant cousin courtesy of genus velociraptor. Such destructive power hidden in a cute little package. That can’t be an accident. That claw that perfectly split my fingertip in two and brought forth the most vivid shade of red I’ve ever seen. What do I think about cats? I think they are awesome! (And I didn’t even mention the litter box yet.)

Dave:  Many years ago, I decided that cats are wonderful, but only if properly cooked.  Since then, the internet has supplied me with enough cute cat videos to make my eyes itch.  In recent weeks, a male cat in the neighborhood has decided that my left front tire is part of his territory and has vigorously marked it as such.  Acceptable names for cats; Fritz, Felix and Bill.  Unacceptable names for cats; any name beginning with “Mr.”, any article of clothing, including but not limited to Mittens, Socks, Tighty Whitey, Boots or Peignoirs. So I guess my answer is that cats are not, in fact, the cat’s meow – which is ironic to say the least.  If you don’t like my opinion, go crap in a box.

Darla:  As Dave said: Cats – they’re what’s for dinner.

(Haha- fooled you.  I’m not Darla – I’m Peg!  HAHAHAHAHHA!!!!!. boy, howdy, I slay myself sometimes.  Like now.)

From The Real Darla: I approve the above message. Mainly because the original comment I spent hours on was deleted after my cat Mr. Piddles sat on my laptop and glared at me. I think maybe he’s trying to tell me something?

Molly:  I have owned cats, or should I say, they owned me. I thought I had the upper hand when I declawed Vinnie, the destroyer-of-all-things-upholstered. He plotted his revenge, however, secreting allergens that made ragweed look like roses, littering outside the box, and staring at me with those haunting, yellow eyes. I made a ‘mistake’ one day and left the window open with the screen unlocked. I haven’t needed an allergy pill since, and the bouquet of ragweed looks great on my windowsill.

Oma on the move, dog.
Oma on the move, dog.

Oma: I am currently freezing my tail off in tryouts for the Iditarod Dog Race and unable to file a report at this time. (Management: by this we can guess Oma’s feelings about cats.)

Blogdramedy: I lived for four years with two cats. If you apply cat math to those numbers and factor in the nine lives they seem to not be able to stop meowing on about, that time of my life lasted 22 years. Over what often felt like two decades of under-the-sofa fur balls, paper bag fights, an unknown number of lint rollers used so I didn’t leave the house looking like Sasquatch, and a nightly ritual of removing cat litter from between my toes before getting into bed. Those were good times. But since joining The Nudge Wink Report and seeing what goes on around the office? At least cats are clean.

Peg:  Judging from the inquisitor’s blog title, he’s primarily interested in our opinion of meerkats.  The only one I can think of is the one from The Lion King who chummed around with Boomba the wartyhog, singing Hakuna Potato all the live long day.    He was a bit of a smart-ass.  That’s normally a quality I admire in any species, but since that movie was big when my kids were little, I was forced to watch it approximately 5,437 times.  That inspires me to ask Dave for his favorite recipe for Meerkat A L’Orange.

Floridaborne:  This time I volunteered to wipe up the bottom of the page.  Why?  Because I’m going to show you what I think about cats–in pictures–and being the wonderful person that I am, I didn’t want to interfere with anyone else’s commentary.

Cats sleep on your work, giving you an excellent excuse to laugh at the latest Facebook posters without guilt:

cattered desk

Cats teach us how to say awwww in ways we never expected (and alleviate the guilt of laundry avoidance):

laundry day

Cats show their love for you in so many different ways:

loveu

AND…

They fit right in with the rest of the family:

family

Can cats be infuriating?  Absolutely!  I’m often awakened by the 7:30am alarm claw–on a Saturday.

But…the same cat that just scratched “FEEEEED ME! (ow)” on my chest, climbs onto my lap while I’m writing:

otherbro2

And he starts to purr a lullaby to me.

Thanks, Darth, for this question. Hope at least one of us gave you an answer that makes you want to bark. (Oh. Wait. Wrong animal.) *group grin*

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7 thoughts on “Are Cats Really The Cat’s Meow?

  1. Many of you seem to be clamoring for my kitty recipes. I’m not going to divulge too much here, lest I upset the cat-likers out there, but keep in mind two things: seasoning and tenderizing. PETA insists that no tenderizing begin until the cat is already deceased. The seasoning will vary, depending upon whether one is preparing Tex-Mex Tabby Tacos or Puddy Tat Parmesano.

    Liked by 6 people

  2. Very funny!!!!! I am a cat magnet. Cats love me. They follow me down the street, they sleep on my front doorstep and hang out under the camellias in the front garden. Is there something I should know? Why do they do this?

    Liked by 3 people

  3. After reading what everyone else had to say, I found myself batting around stray Cheerios that fell out of my bowl while eating breakfast. Now I just want to stare at a blank wall then maybe take a nap. What’s up with that?

    Liked by 4 people

  4. My husband always insisted that you were either a dog or a cat person, and he was definitely a dog person. Then a stray adopted us and wormed his way into Bill’s affection. He was dumbfounded to learn that cats, too, could be fun and loving.

    We had to put our cat, Beebee, down a couple of years ago and I still miss her.

    Liked by 2 people

  5. I’m partial to cats, when I’m not around my dog, but enough about me.

    This editorial exploit is on target. A winner! Consider the sources, each one comes with baggage. Their commentary explains it all. Although I am a bit concerned about the cat eater and the prospective wannabe. Geez-Louise, the mere thought of going “there” feels a wee bit confusing to me. I thought those two were vegans. Oh well, to each their own, unless of course they knock on my door and request “interviews” with my three cats. I live in Texas, gun-toting, Texas. We live mean and nasty here. Mess with my cat(s) and I’ll go get my neighbor to shoot you!

    Like

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