Posted in Humor, She's A Maineiac

How thankful are you? Take this quiz!

Slide1

Well, gobble-gobble and Holy Carcass-Stuffing!
Thanksgiving is almost here once again!

Time to slap on some roomy sweatpants, mosey on over to the dinner table, grab the nearest shovel,
and find out if you are thankful enough!*

What is Thanksgiving?

A) Thanksgiving is a tradition that began when Pilgrims sat down to break bread with Native Americans.
B) Thanksgiving is a tradition that always falls on the fourth Thursday in November.
C) Thanksgiving is a tradition of gathering all those people you tried like hell to avoid the rest of the year.
D) Thanksgiving is a tradition that involves large groups of bloviating idiots getting together to methodically tear each other’s egos to shreds. (Oops! Sorry, that was the last few presidential debates, my bad.)

ANSWER: C and D. Mostly D.

On Thanksgiving, people like to:

A) Eat turkey.
B) Watch the Macy’s parade on television.
C) Spend time with family.
D) Casually inform Aunt Ethel at the dinner table that Uncle Earl was spotted last night slipping a fiver into a stripper’s G-string.

ANSWER: D. Sorry, Aunt Ethel. After you’re done crying, please pass the gravy.

00701-C Tofurky Roast & Gravy

Tofurky is:

A) A vegetarian turkey replacement.
B) Made of organic tofu and wheat protein.
C) Delicious.
D) Served with a Rich “Giblet” gravy, a special blend of herbs, spices, and finely-ground arrogant yoga instructors.

ANSWER: D. Mm-mmm! Yoga instructor tastes just like chicken!

After granting a turkey a pardon, former President George W. Bush was overheard saying:

121118-president-turkey-pardon-bush-jr.ss_full

A) Well, golly gee willikers. That sure was entertaining.
B) Be well, Mr. Turkey. I love you.
C) Well, heh heh heh…at least let me buy you dinner first.
D) Okay, are we done? We good? Camera’s off? Time to slice this bitch up! I call drumstick!
E) All of the above.

ANSWER: E

Before dinner, people spend time:

A) Watching football.
B) Filling up on appetizers.
C) Visiting with relatives.
D) Placing bets on how many turkey sandwiches it would take to get Matt Lauer and Al Roker to shut their pie holes.

ANSWER: Always D at my house.

TRUE OR FALSE

A spooked turkey can burst into flight approaching speeds between 50-55 mph in a matter of seconds.

TRUE.  Last week I was driving my tiny Prius down a country road when I came upon a gobble of about a dozen wild turkeys attempting to cross the road. As I approached, the turkeys suddenly launched into flight, several of them soaring across the hood of my car while the rest continued flying down the road. Sadly, I was unable to catch up to them long enough to snap a photo for Instagram.  New Toyota slogan: Prius — Even Turkeys Are Faster.

Thomas_Jefferson-AB

Thomas Jefferson thought celebrating Thanksgiving was, “the most ridiculous idea I’ve ever heard.”

TRUE. He also went on to state that Ben Franklin “liked to wear nappies and cry for his mama” and John Hancock was “the world’s biggest jackhole.” Thomas Jefferson was then asked to kindly put down the wine bottle and put on some clothes because he was scaring the children attending the White House egg roll.

_________________________________________________________________

So, how’d you do? Yeah, that’s what I thought. HAPPY THANKSGIVING! Enjoy the can-shaped cranberry sauce!

_________________________________________________________________

*According to my mom, you will never be thankful enough.

Advertisements

Author:

Just another plaid-wearin' java-sippin' girl...

55 thoughts on “How thankful are you? Take this quiz!

  1. Well, I answered C for all, so I guess I didn’t do too well. These days, our Thanksgiving is spent avoiding the step in-laws by marriage. I’d rather just sit home, eat a turkey sandwich and call it good. Besides, I’ve been remodeling my kitchen this fall, and it’s not done. (Getting close though).

    Liked by 2 people

  2. Darla, you’ve given me a brilliant, diabolical idea.

    This year, when my husband’s entire family descends for four days, with 5 different food requirements* who do not assist with the cooking, I will make a tofurkey instead of turkey and 439 other dishes to meet the requirements.

    They will NEVER COME BACK!

    Darla, I think I love you!

    * I wish I was making up those dietary restrictions, but they are: vegan, gluten-free, fish-eating vegetarian with sugar restrictions, “I don’t like it”, and normal.

    Liked by 1 person

  3. I’ve been searching Pinterest for the perfect way to decorate my Thanksgiving Rules sign for the front door. I thought if I made it all cute and cuddly the quests will read it! No Politics, No mention of the “T” word (Trump), and of course No Fuckery it’s a HOLIDAY.

    I’m thankful I have jury duty next week so I can be reminded just who will hold my fate in their hands if I commit a crime. Perfect timing!

    PS. I LOVE can shaped cranberry sauce!

    Liked by 1 person

  4. Late coming to the table. I was hoping to avoid having to help peel potatoes. If all the Thanksgiving turkeys in the entire world died of Avian Flu I would not serve Tofurkey for Thanksgiving dinner. I am somewhat of a cranberry sauce snob, however. I have a killer recipe for cranberry sauce that is so easy anyone could make it. I’ll never admit it, though, and get a lot of milage out of the effort it take to make my sauce from scratch.

    Like

  5. I can’t even imagine eating Tofurkey. I am gagging as I write this. Our Thanksgiving should be low stress this year. No traveling and only 6 people to feed. I will miss the drama and fights with other relatives. 🙂

    Like

  6. This year will mark the lowest attendance at Thanksgiving dinner at my house in recent memory. That being said, dinner should only take me 14 hours to prepare.

    From a historical perspective, many people didn’t know about Tom Jefferson’s tendency to drop britches after slugging down a bottle or two of Monticello Limoncello.

    Liked by 2 people

  7. Fortunately, the RESTAURANT where we will partake of Thanksgiving dinner does NOT have tofurkey on the menu! Blech! At least this year, if someone doesn’t like the dressing, no one’s feelings will get hurt. 😉

    Like

  8. Wanna guarantee that all those pain-in-the-ass relatives won’t come to YOUR house for Thanksgiving anymore? Go vegan! Two boxes checked: no more turkeys…or turkeys. 😀

    PS – Tofurkey = yech

    Like

Nudge us with a comment

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out / Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out / Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out / Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out / Change )

Connecting to %s