And now for some pretend news from yesterday today on MNN, Maineiac News Network.
All news. All snark. All the time.

Defiant Kentucky clerk and triple-divorcee Kim Davis claims she won’t authorize marriage licenses to gay couples despite a judge’s order.
Coincidentally, I hereby revoke Kim Davis’s license to wear what is clearly a poorly-made wig from the Michelle Duggar “Burn in Hellfire!” Collection.
Two words for you, Kim: More poof.



However, Kim Davis does score fashion points for her eerie rendition of Inside Out’s Sadness.










Kim Davis

I will not be happy until everyone else is as sad as me.


Shortly before she was crowned Miss America, Miss Georgia summed up what millions of dollars and thousands of hours spent groping balls never could: Tom Brady “definitely cheated.”


In response Miss Maine was overheard backstage yelling, “Oh yeah? Well, Miss Georgia is definitely a sell-out poopy-head!”



The latest hot hairstyle trend for women is to go gray on purpose.

kelly-osbourne-grammys-grey-hair 477f3993cac855dd33fe5980c07abf59Mdiamondis_gl_27jan12_wen_b

Fingers crossed next year’s trend features peach-fuzz sideburns, rogue chin whiskers and unibrows.


M. Night Shyamalan’s creepy new film about two kids sent to stay with their grandparents received mixed reviews.


Uh oh! Looks like Gammy got into the merlot again!

During a recent interview M. made a feeble attempt to win over fans by pleading:

“I know, I know… it’s not a big twist like Bruce Willis is dead. I mean, c’mon! But somebody’s dead … or will be dead or might be alive but is really dead, I assure you… Fine! They’re all dead! All of them! Or … are they? Ha! Gotcha! They’re really dead! DEAD! DEAD! DEAD! BWA HA HA HAAAA!”

As M. continued muttering gibberish, this reporter will attest to one glaring fact — His career is dead or will be dead or appears to be alive but is really dead and has been dead for a long time.

I see blatantly obvious plot twists.

I see blatantly obvious plot twists.

And that’s all the news from yesterday today.
Until next time — keep on keepin’ it poofy, America!