Posted in Humor, News, She's A Maineiac

Yesterday Today — September Edition

And now for some pretend news from yesterday today on MNN, Maineiac News Network.
All news. All snark. All the time.

Defiant Kentucky clerk and triple-divorcee Kim Davis claims she won’t authorize marriage licenses to gay couples despite a judge’s order.
Coincidentally, I hereby revoke Kim Davis’s license to wear what is clearly a poorly-made wig from the Michelle Duggar “Burn in Hellfire!” Collection.
Two words for you, Kim: More poof.

Poofalicious
Poofalicious

However, Kim Davis does score fashion points for her eerie rendition of Inside Out’s Sadness.

Inside_Out_Sadness

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Kim Davis

I will not be happy until everyone else is as sad as me.

****************************************

Shortly before she was crowned Miss America, Miss Georgia summed up what millions of dollars and thousands of hours spent groping balls never could: Tom Brady “definitely cheated.”

CO1PmmGVAAAGMAv.0.0

In response Miss Maine was overheard backstage yelling, “Oh yeah? Well, Miss Georgia is definitely a sell-out poopy-head!”

Slide1

**********************************************************

The latest hot hairstyle trend for women is to go gray on purpose.

kelly-osbourne-grammys-grey-hair 477f3993cac855dd33fe5980c07abf59Mdiamondis_gl_27jan12_wen_b

Fingers crossed next year’s trend features peach-fuzz sideburns, rogue chin whiskers and unibrows.

********************************************************

M. Night Shyamalan’s creepy new film about two kids sent to stay with their grandparents received mixed reviews.

the-visit-movie
Uh oh! Looks like Gammy got into the merlot again!

During a recent interview M. made a feeble attempt to win over fans by pleading:

“I know, I know… it’s not a big twist like Bruce Willis is dead. I mean, c’mon! But somebody’s dead … or will be dead or might be alive but is really dead, I assure you… Fine! They’re all dead! All of them! Or … are they? Ha! Gotcha! They’re really dead! DEAD! DEAD! DEAD! BWA HA HA HAAAA!”

As M. continued muttering gibberish, this reporter will attest to one glaring fact — His career is dead or will be dead or appears to be alive but is really dead and has been dead for a long time.

I see blatantly obvious plot twists.
I see blatantly obvious plot twists.

And that’s all the news from yesterday today.
Until next time — keep on keepin’ it poofy, America!

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Author:

Just another plaid-wearin' java-sippin' girl...

10 thoughts on “Yesterday Today — September Edition

  1. Reblogged this on Upside of Sideways and commented:

    This week on The Nudge Wink Report, Darla brings us a post about tomorrow’s news about yesterday, today. It’s very timely. Head on over to NWR and comment freely (it’s free) and let Darla know you’d love to see her as a silver fox. *grin* (You have to read her post to see what I mean *wink*)

    Liked by 1 person

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