Posted in Blogdramedy, Humor, News

Star Wars Has A New Droid! He’s A Replica Of My Ex!

Don't give me that look. One day some kid's going to flush you down the toilet. As least I can survive under water.
Don’t give me that look. One day some kid’s going to flush you down the toilet. As least I can survive under water. (photo credit: Sphero)

Ah yes, the modern world. Most days it’s a joyous wonder to behold. Now that there’s an app for this, that, and the other thing, do you think all our needs are being met and our wants, dreams and desires are being nurtured? Or do we plug in so we don’t have to get out of our pjs, shower, or make an effort of any kind to interact with our fellow humans?

iPad. iPhone. iPod. iWhatever. Technology is very egocentric and the ego must be fed. We humans love anything that promises to make our lives easier. Even if the new tech toy doesn’t actually do much of anything but spin around looking pretty we still want it in our toy box. It’s not what it does that draws us in. It’s the promise, the possibility, that the new toy will eclipse every other toy we have ever owned.

My soon-to-be-ex is a good example of someone blinded by the bling of a shiny new thing. Never mind that his old toy can still rock skinny jeans, is funny and kind, owns her own power tools and knows how to use them, and is pretty fucking amazing.

[pause while Blogdramedy reboots her programming to get back to the point]

Say hello to BB-8 from Sphero.

BB-8 is a remote-controlled droid from the upcoming film “Star Wars: The Force Awakens.” It was designed to be the best new bud for R2D2 and CP30 and has now crossed over to be the toy to own this holiday season.

Screen Shot 2015-09-04 at 9.41.54 PM
BB-8 is never distracted when out roaming the world. He always returns to the one who took him out of his box.

This oh-so-cute droid is controlled with an iPhone, and comes with a patrol mode that allows the droid to roam around by himself. Which is kind of cool and if it came with an on-board camera that could link up to my laptop, then I’d know if and when I need to vacuum under the sofa. Even better if he could dust for me but the designers refer to him as a “him” so that’s not going to happen.

Owners can also design their own routes and have BB-8 follow them. I wish I’d had my own BB-8 two months ago when I discovered my husband was cheating on me. I could have switched him over to “stalker mode” and gotten to the truth sooner. Again, a camera would have been a bonus add-on. That mode I’d call “CapCheat.”

[yet another pause while Blogdramedy downs yet another libation]

Sphero says BB-8 has an “adaptive personality” and his “attitude” and “actions” will evolve the more a user interacts with him. BB-8 can also receive voice commands via the app, which means that a user can say “move forward” and BB-8 will move forward.

Does this mean BB-8 has the ability to learn from his mistakes? Or does he just circle around endlessly, repeating the same mistakes until someone trips over him and accidentally on purpose tosses him down the garbage disposal?

Maybe I’m not giving the designers of BB-8 enough credit. If this little droid can adapt to his surroundings, and meet each day with an attitude of “what can I do to make a difference in someone’s life?” perhaps BB-8 has the potential to let his actions speak louder than words. Because sometimes words are just words and someone can blah, blah, blah on as much as they want about why they made the choices they did. A real man is not afraid to be honest. A real man learns from his mistakes. A real man can move forward in a relationship without feeling threatened. A real man doesn’t lie. A real man doesn’t cheat.

BB-8 is not a real man. I get that. But he listens. He learns. He takes my feelings, wants, and desires into consideration when computing his run program. I see possibilities in our relationship.

Now if only the designers would get to work on some tweaks to this droid’s software and a major overhaul of his hardware. I’d like to see Version 2.0 of BB-8 pop out of his box with vocal enhancements and a “pleasure” setting.

Because then maybe I’d buy two. *wicked grin*

Would you ever let a droid into your life? Or do you already live with one…

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Author:

Blogdramedy is a recovering communications specialist who now spends her days helping non-profits communicate effectively. They rarely listen to her advice. When she's not doing that, she writes Upside of Sideways and is a field reporter for The Nudge Wink Report -- both on WordPress. https://upsidesideways.wordpress.com https://nudgewinkreport.wordpress.com

32 thoughts on “Star Wars Has A New Droid! He’s A Replica Of My Ex!

  1. I’m afraid I only managed 4 of your 5 points for being a real man. I succeeded on the being honest, not lying, cheating or being afraid to move forward with a relationship, but was less successful with the not making the same mistakes.

    I do try, but really how am I supposed to remember which of those little trays in the washing machine is for washing up powder and which is for fabric conditioner? They look exactly the same.

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    1. Then you are way ahead of the man I spent the past 13 years with. I’m talking light years ahead. *grin*

      We all make mistakes. I’ve made mistakes. I can think of one right now that’s making me cringe. But if we at least try to learn from past mistakes, make it a mindful part of how we relate to other people, that’s a very good thing.

      As for those little trays in the washer? Unless you’re regularly washing muddy rugby gear, it doesn’t really matter. Your clothes might not be as clean but they’ll smell really nice.

      Liked by 1 person

      1. That’s true! Mistakes are learning experiences. I’m not sure I’d call myself wise, but I’m pretty confident that I’m at least wisER than I was as a younger man.

        I’m still not sure why I always get the trays wrong, though. I mean, there are only two of them, so I should get it right at least 50% of the time, shouldn’t I?

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        1. WisER means you’re making an effort. That’s got to be good for your karma. *grin*

          Not sure I can help you with those trays other than to suggest flipping a coin. Or, I don’t know, take an indelible marker and write “LD” on the tray for the laundry detergent? That COULD work. As long as you wrote it on the right tray. You’ve got a 50/50 chance of getting it right. *thumbs up*

          Liked by 1 person

  2. Maybe your new BB-8 could represent you in court and because he is so cute and irresistable, you’d take your ex to the cleaners. Also he could have the potential to crash into the shins of the judge doing some real damage if judge doesn’t cooperate. You can show the world who has an enduring shiny new object, not just some passing, cheating, fantasy!

    Like

    1. Now that’s a thought. Sadly, adultery no longer carries any weight with a judge’s decision where I live. It’s an equal split of assets and that’s it. It’s even hard to get spousal support. So I settled for keeping all my retirement savings and the house. He’s packed up his stuff and is gone to live 600 kms away. And that’s still too close as far as I’m concerned. To distract myself I’ve removed every speck of his presence from the house. I now have room for all my shoes. *big grin*

      Liked by 1 person

  3. I can’t help but wonder if the $tar War$ creative team came up with the Droid first then had the writers come up with a plot to include it.

    As for the ex, he’ll wake up one day and realize how badly he dropped the ball. By that point, his side of the closet will already be filled with pumps and strappy sandals.

    The capabilities of the Droid bring to mind the old joke of the challenge of programming a personal vibrator to mow the lawn.

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    1. Well, it wouldn’t be the first time that’s happened. I see things like that every day on the news…where the evidence is made to fit the story and not the other way around. As for the ex, I don’t think he will wake up to that realization. Because I know he thinks this is somehow my fault…I didn’t pay enough attention to him, I didn’t always want to do what he wanted to do, I didn’t allow him to have any relationships “outside the marriage” even though that’s what HE wanted. I’ve realized it really is all about him and he’s going to turn into a tired, boring, lonely old man who still won’t realize that he had anything to do with the choices he made. I’m so over him. Except for that one blog post I’m going to write on Upside of Sideways next week. Because that will be therapeutic, like lancing a nasty old boil. (Sorry for the visual so early in the morning.)

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  4. Reblogged this on Upside of Sideways and commented:

    This week on The Nudge Wink Report, I put my personal relationship nightmare aside and focus on what’s really important in life. A new droid that doesn’t do much of anything other than roam around aimlessly thinking the world revolves around him. Wait. I was supposed to NOT be talking about my soon-to-be ex. Time for a reframe. A NEW STAR WARS DROID THAT LISTENS AND GIVES A GOOD BACK MASSAGE. There, that’s better. *grin*

    Like

  5. That’s not the droid you’re looking for. Move along, move along.

    Do I want a different droid? He does have a lot of carbon scoring. Not on your life! That little droid and I have been through a lot together. If you know what I mean.

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        1. Yes, NWR is the first. I mentioned it a few times in Twitter. I have yet to write up the post for Upside of Sideways but will be working on that over the next few days. I’ll probably post it Tuesday or Wednesday. It’s going to be quite the post.

          Liked by 1 person

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