Posted in Humor

The monster under your bed is weirder than you’d think

It was reported this week that in New Jersey, a man slipped in to a family’s home and hid under a bed for three days. This is really important and positive news.

I’m your bogeyman (image by spotswood police)

Lots of kids grow up scared of the monsters they believed were hiding under their beds. This New Jersey case should reassure children and their parents that, though the monster is real, ugly and very weird, he is not dangerous as long as you do not look under the bed.

That’s right! In fact, parents have put themselves in jeopardy by not believing in the monster under the bed. Frequently, parents have reassured nervous children by looking under their beds for them and passing on the news that there is not a monster there. This situation in New Jersey establishes that there certainly could be a monster under the bed and that parents are wrong to be so smug about it.

This particular monster entered the home while one of the residents was taking out the trash. He went to the bedroom formerly occupied by the daughter of the home’s owners and hid under the bed. While there, he charged his four cell phones and relied on his massive monster-bladder to allow him to ignore the call of nature for days.

The clear conclusion that we all should reach is that as long as no one looks under the bed, we have nothing to fear from the monsters that live there. They will quietly charge their phones, take selfies and update their Facebook statuses…as long as they are not interrupted

When this story first broke, it was weird enough. But it became weirder with the revelation that the daughter who’d occupied that bedroom had dated the monster until about five years ago. We all have our fears. Each of us develops our own methods for coping with them, but dating your fears is probably the worst possible way to combat them. As the mother of this young woman said “it didn’t end well”.

It should not be shocking that dating the monster that lives under the bed doesn’t work out in the end. With four phones, the constant texting, worrying over data plan allowances and the never-ending search for an unused outlet to keep the phones charged take a toll on the relationship.

So the next time your child comes to you and says there’s a monster under her bed, this story teaches us there is only one clear answer you should give –

“Yes, you’re right, there is a monster under your bed. That’s why you should go to sleep on top of the bed and not look under there. Now go back to your room. Oh, sweetie, no matter what the monster says, don’t give him your cell phone number.”

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Author:

Most who read my blog don't know me from the man in the moon. But they seem nice and I am, in fact, The Man In The Moon.

19 thoughts on “The monster under your bed is weirder than you’d think

  1. Reblogged this on upside of sideways and commented:

    This week on The Nudge Wink Report, Oma mashes about monsters. I don’t know if he’s speaking from personal experience or not but it makes for a bone-chilling read into the minds of ex-boyfriends. Or at least those with cell phone chargers. Head over to NWR to read Oma’s piece and comment freely. At no additional cost to you, the reader.

    Like

      1. My thoughts exactly. Also, even the most evil of monsters wouldn’t want to get too cozy with dozens of my well-worn Nikes. I’ve got extras if you need them, but I should warn you, they don’t ship free – I’m not Zappo’s.

        Liked by 1 person

  2. See? This is why I don’t like taking out the trash. Just leave it be where it belongs; inside the home.

    On the other hand I’m automatically protected from a scene like this due to thousands of pairs of dirty underwear kept under the bed. There simply isn’t room for a person.

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  3. Our 2 daughters are now out of the house and I rarely go into their rooms. I noticed lately we’re using up our data plan faster than usual and last night’s leftover chicken was this morning’s pile of bones in the sink.

    Do you think there could be a connection?

    Liked by 1 person

  4. What a horror film scenario to look under the bed and see those mean eyes looking back at you! I found it funny on the news article where it says he is being charged with theft of electricity – apart from the bad pun there, really that would be the least of the concerns wouldn’t it? I’ll tell you, if someone was hiding under my bed for three days, they’re welcome to a bit of electricity, I really don’t care about the electricity!

    Liked by 1 person

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