An apparently famous person, Ariana Grande, set off a minor firestorm last week when her tongue came in contact with a tray of donuts. Said donuts were on the counter of a donut shop at the time. Her tongue had a busy day indeed as it followed this up by leading the rest of her mouth in saying a rather filthy curse word, then “I hate Americans. I hate America.” Her tongue finished up its Tacky Tour by tangling with her boyfriend’s.
What at first glance appeared to be an unbelievable lapse in good manners made by someone who thinks she is above the rules that govern the rest of society, was actually a protest statement. Adriana was motivated solely by concern for America’s children. When she said “I hate America” what she really meant was “I hate (that so many children have had their health negatively impacted by the scourge of obesity which plagues this great land that I love so much,) America.” She merely left out a few words because she was stunned to be confronted by several trays of freshly-made donuts while innocently minding her own business in a donut shop. Who wouldn’t be shocked and appalled to learn this type of establishment is notorious for shamelessly SELLING the Devil’s Fry-cakes?!
Ariella, who, it turns out, is a pop singer with quite a large and loyal following among young people, explained her motivation to her fans in Facebook posts, Tweets, Insta-snap-a-roos and other social media communiques. In the end, she did have the grace to apologize for her lapse in judgement.
Reaction among those asked about the incident was mixed and seemed to be divided based on age.
Teens and tweens said, “We still love you! Anybody could make such a mistake!!!! LOL OMG!!!!!!” This response prompted some, as concerned as Adrienne about the welfare of America’s children, to ask what they are teaching kids in our school nowadays. Apparently they don’t know that a “mistake” is usually defined as something that is NOT done on purpose.
Those over 40 responded with, “Arabella who? Who the hell is that?”
The shop owners are still trying to decide what to do with the Display of Drooled-on Delights. Some options being considered are:
- follow Health Department guidelines and toss the donuts because, you know, spit
- sell them on Ebay to sicko fans who would be thrilled to own Arizona’s spit
- expand the shop’s offerings to include a new line of pastries that have been pre-licked by celebrities. Selections will include:
- Donuts licked by A-list stars for $5 each called, The Sweet Spit of Success
- Donuts licked by reality show participants and celebrity has-beens for only $2 each called, Day Old Spit
It should be noted that the donut shop employees did not know about the alleged tongue lashing until they played back the security tape after Areola had left the shop. That means that some of the doubly-glazed donuts in question were sold to and eaten by unsuspecting customers.
Did you purchase a donut from this shop on the day in question? Have you since been plagued by the lingering aftertaste of something spoiled? If so, you may be entitled to compensation. The crack legal team at Dewey, Cheatum and Howe is gathering evidence for a class action lawsuit against the Pampered Pop Princess.
I think I have a case. Even though I was nowhere near that donut shop, this incident with Andalasia still left a bad taste in my mouth.
How I missed this story is beyond me (Perhaps I saw the name Arrielle and assumed it was about The Little Mermaid and decided to skip it). I think that her problem was that as a Skyping Tweeting Instagramming Hashtagger, she has become so conditioned to keeping things to 140 characters or less, that she left the middle part out her statement because of habitual editing. I’m a little surprised she didn’t refer to the country as “Merica” to save herself a vowel, or USA to really trim the letters down.
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No doubt you’re right, o wise sage. It’s all about saving letters and children for this great USAer.
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Ms. Grand-ay is no doubt a certified nutritionist. Most famous people are experts in any number of areas other than singing/ball playing/Kardashianing.
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She’s probably graduated from the Gwyneth School of Nutritious Condescension.
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If you can’t take dietary advice from skinny millionaires, you might be a lost cause.
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So true.
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Oh yeah. It seems attendance is mandatory in Famous Land.
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Sadly I know who Annabella is. And in my daughter’s eyes she only went up a notch in admiration because donuts. I always suspected she was playing everyone this whole time and it looks like her true bratty diva was finally caught on tape. Can you imagine knowing you ate in one of her spit-covered donuts? Blech phooey phooey time to wash your mouth out with bleach. As always Peg you made me giggle over my coffee this morning and I thank you for that (no donut for me today because childhood obesity)
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Thank you for caring about the poor children more than your own desires of the flesh here, in the greatest country on earth, the land of the free and home of the brave, which I hate, Murica
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Donut for YOU is ok – you are far beyond childhood 😉
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Well…not THAT far.
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Beyond her own she is. Maineac is about the big 4, somewhere …
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Curses to Andrea for turning “Mmmm…donuts” to “Ewww…donuts.”
(Brava, Peg!)
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Exactly. Who can ever view a delicious fry cake in the same way again? You should join the lawsuit.
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Imagine what were to happen if me, as a mere commoner, would spray spittle at my local Puffy Bunz Donut Shop. I’d probably be arrested! But Ariana can spray with impunity, her spoils sold on eBay. What is this world coming to? Once again, Peg, you’re on it!
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What, you think there might be a double standard at work in the world for famous people??? Pshaw
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And just think – if Kim Kardashian were to somehow sit on a donut, I’ll bet that sucker would sell for millions on eBay. We’re in the wrong business, Peg…
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Yuck. Just…yuck.
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Reblogged this on Peg-o-Leg's Ramblings and commented:
I’m working as an ace reporter over at The Nudge Wink Report today. Head on over and get all the news that’s fit to print…or not.
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Hilarious, Peg! I ordered a pastry at Starbucks this morning and saw the barista unwrap it from its cellophane with my own two eyes. Of course, I’m in the Maryland suburbs, so they probably didn’t contain any starlet spittle anyway, but still! 🙂
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“Starlet spittle” has such a nice ring to it, don’t you think?
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You’re right, this girl is tacky
Not to mention a little bit wacky
If she hates USA
It would sure be OK
If she decided to be an Iraqi.
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Haha! All, you still got it. She’d have her tongue chopped off for sure there.
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Thanks to Armande, doughnut licking is a thing now, and for that, I am grateful.
Her tongue certainly had a busy busy day. Where have you been, busy little tongue?
So much goodness in this coverage of the story. All the news that’s fit to spit and so forth. Devil’s Fry? LOL! Snap-a-roos? LOL! “Apparently famous person.” Squee. I just piddled myself a little.
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Armande – me likee.
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Don’t you mean licky?
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Snort
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Yes, she’s a dolt. and geez, a slow news day? And I bet it was a marketing ploy to get her name out there so everyone but tweens will say, “Wha… who the heck is this?” You nailed it nicely, even giving her the benefit of the doubt.
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Thanks Tar. How are you feeling today in your construction zone of pain?
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A couple of days later, but surviving both. Thanks for asking! 🙂
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Well, if the health consequences don’t get me to stop eating donuts, knowing someone might be licking them certainly will…
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It’s actually a clever diet scheme, isn’t it? Now if Antebellum would just lick ice cream, pizza, cake. . .
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I love when you called her Areola! 🙂 Also, ewww about the spitty donuts!
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Notice I didn’t spell it like the body part, though. This is a family blog. 😉
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I think they should just consider that tray “double glazed” and sell them for double… Because who wouldn’t want one. I mean besides anybody with a brain!
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Exactly. I think this shop may have struck gold. Next on the menu: Celebrity Spitsicles.
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Dee-lish!
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I laughed all the way thru the article AND the cooments!
Thanks, Peg.
Just the facts ma’am!
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Thanks, Joe Friday.
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Reblogged this on upside of sideways and commented:
This week on The Nudge Wink Report, Peg talks tongues and donuts. There’s a faint whiff of legal compensation and lots of talk about drool. This girl knows the different between donuts and doughnuts. Head on over to NWR and give Peg a lick. Or maybe just shake her hand.
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I debated donuts vs doughnuts for whole seconds, boss. In the end I said wtf and had some wine. You have taught me well.
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Loved the post. Check out my blog 😉
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Thanks!
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Jeezum Crow (to quote a Glazed Maineac)! I take a little break from the computer and you stick a pin in Appalacia! Now I have to Google Maps “Tonguing,” which must be the capital, in order to find this donut shop! I will never go on vacation again!
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No worries, Sandy. I’m sure you’ll be safe with kale and quinoa. She only hates donuts.
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Reblogged this on Skin Tickler and commented:
ick…Ariadne gunk
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Reblogged this on Amber K. Daniels.
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Although I have no idea who Ariana Grande is, I am shocked by this senseless assault on a couple of innocent doughnuts. I hope the cops throw the book at her, having first made sure, of course, that she’s a safe distance from their Krispy Kremes.
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Glad you added that last cautionary bit. A donut is a terrible thing to lose.
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I’m so glad I was on vacation, mostly off the news grid, and missed this whole debacle. Hearing about it when it happened might have spoiled my entire vacation. Long live Dunks!
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News like this can ruin a vaca, can’t it?
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Has Ava not learned from the Dixie Chicks’ mistake? Apparently she has not.
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True. The public is fickle and has a long memory. Except when we are fickle and forget all the bad stuff right away.
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