Brace yourselves. A veritable tsunami of marijuana “edibles” is coming. While your humble correspondent has never actually tried pot (except involuntarily by rock concert) this doesn’t preclude the self-adopted title of Senior Marijuana Correspondent here at the Nudge Wink.
Look, I’m going to be blunt. I don’t like pot. I think it’s disgusting. Personally I hate the stuff and I rue the day it was ever legalized in the Great State of Oregon (and other whackadoo places). But I’m nothing if not a journalist so I’ll report the news with my usual style and aplomb and I’ll do it with absolutely no bias.
You’d think legalization would have taken the wind out of their sails. That they’d all by now be suffering from reefer madness and lounging on sofas with piles of Mountain Dew and Doritos. That doesn’t necessarily conjure up images of the great entrepreneurial spirit, but somehow they found a way. When it comes to marijuana, apparently, some folks are highly motivated.
If you love pot what could possibly be better than lots more of it? And then some. “Hey, dude. I’ve got an idea,” said one. “Smoking pot gives us the munchies. What if,” he posited, “those munchies we munched contained even more pot?”
Everyone assembled agreed this was literally a stellar idea and the “edibles” industry was birthed right there on the spot.
Brownies? Cookies? Sure the news for years has been filled with stories of these being laced with marijuana and given to unsuspecting folks. “Ha ha, you ated it!” But, honestly, those are kinds of edibles are passé. It’s time for a new generation of inventiveness.
Warning: Be careful what you eat. Even in Colorado a state high (sic) court recently ruled for the fifth time in seven years that employers have the right to fire workers who use medical marijuana. Dine wisely.
Just last week a groundbreaking Get Baked Sale was held in San Francisco. California is not yet fully legalized so attendees were subjected to the Herculean effort of presenting a medical marijuana card to gain admission. No doubt this undertaking prompted great appetites that had to be sated and slaked.
The success of the event prompted some to proclaim that “edibles” is poised to become the next “multimillion-dollar food industry.”
Not unlike most smorgasbords, booths (selling mind-altering treats) lined the urban park. Some vendors lured people over with gimmicks, like free vape pens and a lottery wheel to win a THC-laced doughnut. We saw the usual suspects, pot brownies and cookies, and more daring confections, such as cannabis-infused fortune cookies, mini doughnuts, and ice cream. The crowd was unsurprisingly chill.
One ticket holder at the event was quoted as saying that she associates edibles with an “inherent terror.” At a different event last year a reporter inexperienced with marijuana apparently misjudged or didn’t know the levels of THC in a pot-laced caramel-chocolate flavored candy bar before going back for seconds. She reportedly spent the night in a “fit of trauma and paranoia.”
THC, by the way, is the main psychoactive ingredient in cannabis. Mmm, that sounds good. Psychoactive. It’s what’s for dinner.
Most marijuana edibles seem to run the gamut of the restaurant dessert tray. Cookies, brownies, chocolate bars, candy, pies, granola bars, Rice Krispy treats, caramel corn, and much, much more. The product names are things like Space Brownies, Dabba Medicinal Chocolate, Beyond Mars Chocolate, Wana Jewels, Bhang Pretzel, Merciful Brownie, Day Trippers, and Weedies.
Some schemes are a little more out there. One company is offering a selection of “cannabis-infused fine wines.” It’s described as getting “buzzed on alcohol” followed by a “delicious full body buzz.”
I don’t want to blow smoke but proponents of this “beverage” are claiming they’re carrying on a tradition that has existed for thousands of years. Even in Biblical times, they say, wine was laced with things like “opium, datura, belladonna, mandrake and henbane.” Personally I like to open a bottle and let it breathe before adding a little eye of newt. Then all I need is a clip of hair from the man I’m after.
Is there anything marijuana can’t do? Apparently not. There are even medicinal cookies made specifically for dogs. If it’s good for you then why not your best friend?
Sadly, even in the name of good journalism, this reporter chickened out and can’t relate any firsthand experiences for this story. But the edibles industry is expected to top $10 billion in sales by 2018. Chances are you or someone you know will be fully informed on the subject very soon if not already.
Until then, do everything in your power to stay dazed and confused. Being intoxicated 24/7 seems to be one of our species most primal desires.