Let’s have some fun today with

***))) SPECIAL REPORT (((***

Crystal Ball

Instead of a news report or a rant, let’s delve into the mysterious world of fake psychics, or psychic fakers.

Anyone who believes their one-size-fits-none daily horror-scope means anything will believe the factoids I’m about to divulge.

Hey!  If you want a quickie, tell me your name, address, phone number, and personal web page. I’ll do a google search and tell you all about yourself in 10 minutes.   (DISCLAIMER:  I will not be held responsible for what happens to anyone who chooses to put all this information in the reply section.) I’ll even add in a few woo-woo sounds and perhaps I’ll use a crystal ball just to make it official.

How about something a bit more esoteric, a lot more fun, and less costly?



  1. What is your favorite color: Black, White, Red, Yellow, Pink, Green, Purple, Orange, Blue or Other? If none of these are your favorite color and it’s something weird like “peach,” just mark it up as “other” and don’t argue with the psychic.
  1. What is your favorite number? Everybody has one. You know it’s true.   If it’s something like 3829, then add the numbers together (22) and then add them again (4).  If it works for numerology, it works for this, too.
  1. What is the first letter of the first name you were born with? If your name is Eleanor and you’ve used the name Nora for years, the first letter of the first name is still going to be “E”. 
  1. What one word would you use to describe yourself? Not what everyone else thinks about you, but what you think.

All right, are you ready to find out what it all means?


Black            = Not quite right in the head

White           = Superiority complex

Red              = Brazen exhibitionist

Yellow          = Much too cheerful for the rest of us.

Pink             = Not connected to reality.

Green           = Grounded in reality

Purple          = Reconnecting with childhood or, possibly, Alzheimer’s.

Orange         = Vacillates between vibrant and much-too-acidic

Blue             = Cool cat, cruising along and taking life in stride.

Other           = A Diva who insists upon being treated like royalty.


2.     If you insist you don’t have a favorite number, pick 6.  I guarantee it fits.

1 =   the first in line for free anything.

2 =   tries harder and strives for excellence

3 =   the type of person who tries to steal someone’s spouse

4 =   gives everyone a square deal

5 =   like a pentagram, there’s a little devil inside.

6 =   a bit self-righteous

7 =   endowed with the luck o’ the Irish (either a pot of gold or a potato famine)

8 =   A connoisseur of good food and wine.

9 =   tends to be a snappy dresser (either wears clothes with snaps for convenience, or fancy duds.)


3.  First Letter of First name. That means you, Leon Richard (aka Dick).

A, E, I, O, U = you have vowel problems.  No…seriously, you either are, or you wanna-be, alluring or aristocratic.

J, K, V and sometimes Q =  your parents wanted you to be special, just like everyone else.

B, C, D, F, G, H = your parents didn’t think you were going to be anything special, so they gave you a boring name like Barbara, Charles, Donald, Frances, George or Hortense.

L, M, N = you tend to take the middle road.

P, R, S, T, W = your parents wanted to give you a great start in life, unless your name is Percy, Rozwell, Satan, or Willard.

X, Y, Z and sometimes Q = your parents wanted you to learn how to deal with comedians, bullies and idiots who think it’s hilarious to make fun of names.

4.  Add an “and” to the front of the sentence  above and change “you” to “I/me”.  Just stick in the damned filler and make it a sentence!!!!

DON’T FORGET the 1-word self-description.  As an example, my self-description is “writer.”  I was going to say “humble” but I didn’t want you to spit out your coffee when you LOL’d.

All right, in the reply section, tell us what the stars say about you!

I’ll go first.

Green, 4, J, writer.    Grounded in reality, I give everyone a square deal and my parents wanted me to be special, just like everyone else; a writer.

See how this works?   And it’s all based on good, hard science.  You betcha.