Poetic Insomnia License

Usually, my post for NWR is up and scheduled 2 weeks in advance. But this is national poetry month. 

Lest you think I write poetry so that I can go to parties, sound like I should be living in a castle and bore people with my artsy-ness, that’s not why I write it.  In fact, the closest I’ve ever come to a castle is White Castle, and I don’t like that place any better than the Vatican or Camelot.

YEATS vs.

MY STYLE OF POETRY

Edna St. Vincent Millay, I’m not.  My candle may burn at both ends, too, but I guarantee that MY Pet Odor Eliminator candle will burn through the night. 

HERE…HAVE A FEW CANDLES

Poetry.

If it isn’t fun

I don’t want to do it.

I write it for the same reason I go for a tea or a pee during the sex scenes in Outlander.  When you’ve been married 5 times, there’s nothing in your body that hasn’t been touched explored.  I’m as bored watching people do it on screen as I am watching people ride roller coasters. If I’m not doing it, I don’t want to watch someone else having all the fun. 

But (as usual) alas, I digress.

Now, where was I?  Oh, right.  Poetry.  I’m not much for long, drawn out depressive tomes where the writer is begging for death.  By the time I’m half way through the damned things I’m screaming “Please, kill me now, take away the pain of reading this boring piece of crap!” 

AN EXAMPLE OF MY POETIC LICENSE STYLE:  The last suggestion by the NaPoWriMo people in which I chose to participate was to write a poem with 1 word in the 1st line, 2 words in the 2^nd and 3 in the 3^rd  line.  My poem?

Even

I can

Write this stuff.

Create this poem.

Yes, I write poetry for fun, not for prophet profit. 

I didn’t start out to write a post about poetry.  It was supposed to be about incomnia  insomnia —the reason I’m 2 brain cells away from comatose and up at 3am.   I’ve had insomnia for as long as I’ve been owned by dogs (and cats).

What my bed looks like at 2am (with or without me in it).

Do you know what years of non-restful sleep does to a person?  Here’s a hint:  Why do you think my profile on Twitter says, “Well endowed with the multi-layered weirdness that lurks inside a not-quite-right-mind.”   ???

Why write about insomnia? 

If the topic isn’t about me, it’s not important. 

(Just ask my 5 husbands, except the one that died–unless you can find a happy Medium). 

Insomnia in a nut…shell:

A thorough 2 minute scan of the internet provides a better explanation of the nutshell one becomes due to insomnia   

 (I’ve added my own commentary in brown).

There are psychological and behavioral steps you can use to improve your sleep. ”…relaxation techniques, and general sleep hygiene guidelines can help many people…”  I sleep with, at minimum, 3 dogs.  So much for sleep hygiene.  And relaxation techniques? Hah!  Have you ever awakened to an 85 pound dog snoring as he’s draped over your legs? (at least 1 of us is relaxed). 

Diagnosis: There are no definitive tests.  Doctors use many different tools to diagnose and measure insomnia symptoms, some of which involve asking you questions in the office, having you fill out logs and questionnaires, performing certain blood tests, or doing an overnight sleep study.  Even the dumbest doctor can tell you that if you can’t sleep more than 4 hours a night and it’s gone on so long you have the memory of a goldfish, you have insomnia. The smart doctors wring as much money out of your misery as possible.  

Keep a sleep log: Mine is simple.  I go to bed when I can sleep. That might be 6pm, 11pm  midnight or 3am.  There’s something about staring at roiling white dots on a black background of night that is soooo not conducive to sleep.

Write out a sleep inventory on a #*%&ing questionnaire and provide your medical history.  I actually expect my doctor to send crap like my medical history to the specialist.

Blood tests to rule out medical conditions such as thyroid problems.    Hypothyroid here.  DUH!  I should be able to tell any doctor that and they’ll know why I’m fubarred. 

Sleep study:  Where you get to sleep on a comfortable bed in a laboratory. Excuse me, but what about this doesn’t scream “relaxation?”

How to talk to your doctor about insomnia.:  In my case, very incoherently.

What happens to a person who has chronic insomnia?  You’ve seen my writing.  You have to ask??    

What are the effects of long-term insomnia (aka sleep deprivation)?  I had to go to this website to find words I could pronounce: http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Insomnia   If I didn’t have insomnia, I’d be snoring by the middle of this article.

Insomnia….”can accompany several sleep, medical and psychiatric disorders characterized by a persistent difficulty falling asleep… it can lead to depression, irritability, and an increased risk of heart disease…often a symptom of anxiety disorders.” 

In other words, it’s the M.D.’s old reliable fall-back:  Blame the victim.  NEWS FLASH: If you weren’t crazy before insomnia, after a decade it can drive you nutzoidal! 

Worse yet, Insomnia is in the DSM-5, the M.D.’s bible of mental illnesses!    In the past, it meant that if you wanted health insurance in the USA you had to work for a large corporation, like the government.  With Obamacare, it means that you can get health insurance and some schmoe who hasn’t been sick a day in his life will be paying for your share of the coverage.

How do I cope with insomnia ?  That’s easy.  I go for the deadly weapon;  I get up and write.

 Yes, I have a license to quill.