Posted in 1 Point Perspective, Humor, Uncategorized

There’s An Ass On My Mind

Three things happened recently:

1. My boss just picked up and jetted off to Italy or Borneo or someplace, so our vague standards for good taste and decorum here at the Nudge Wink Report went with her.  Luckily she was able to fit  our standards in her carry-on.

2. I got a new cell phone, which I occasionally use to actually make phone calls, but mostly play with.

3. I posted a story which was purported to be Bruce Jenner’s Bucket List.

These three events are actually related, as I scoured the internet with my phone to find photos of the soon to be Ms. Jenner and his/her wacky Kardashian clan. I also used the phone to have some cut and paste fun, which my antiquated laptop is unable to do.  My editor being in a far away land allows me free reign to post these Kimmy K butt pics on a site usually only decorated with male underwear models and/or head shots of some guy named Keith Urban.

It's amazing how much stuff you can fit in (and on) a bucket.  Collage by the author, using his snazzy new smart phone.
It’s amazing how much stuff you can fit in (and on) a bucket. Collage by the author, using his snazzy new smart phone.

I discovered that Kim Kardashian’s ass is fun to play with (the one she farts with, not the one she’s married to). While I don’t have too many photos on my new phone, I have a few which were well suited for photo collage fun with Kimmy and her keister.

Here are a pair of Kims garnishing a piping hot bowl of bear chili.  Real bear, fake Kims.  Yes, me and my smart phone again.
Here are a pair of Kims garnishing a piping hot bowl of bear chili. Real bear, fake Kims.  Yes, that glass is from Voodoo Brewing – I’m sure they’re thrilled with the free plug.

I’m sure when Kim set out to break the internet, she hadn’t counted on the incredible durability of Tupperware bowls.

For my fellow beer geeks, this was a goblet of Prairie Brewing's Christmas Bomb Stout - brewed with ancho chilis, espresso beans and vanilla beans.  It was sublime.
For my fellow beer geeks, this was a goblet of Prairie Brewing’s Christmas Bomb Imperial Stout – brewed with ancho chilis, espresso beans and vanilla beans. It was sublime.

I thought Kim looked good on the edge of this snifter, but didn’t see the unfortunate location of the brown spill on the napkin till just now.

She's being demure in this shot, cropping her head out of the frame, but I recognize that ass. She knows better than keeping her badonkadonk in the trunkadonk.
She’s being demure in this shot, cropping her head out of the frame, but I recognize that dumper. She knows better than keeping her ba-donk-a-donk in the trunk-a-donk.

I’m sure some of you are repulsed by the thought of K.K’s naked caboose on a child’s ride. This next pic should make you even sicker.

She's setting a horrible example for the youngsters with a clear disregard for seatbelts and going out in February without any pants on.
She’s setting a horrible example for the youngsters with a clear disregard for seat belts and going out in February without any pants on.

It occurred to me that Bruce “Gender Bender” Jenner was being upstaged by all this, so I tried to find a way to work him in. I got a little artsy on this one.

I got a little artsy on this one - just couldn't help myself.  I noticed that the highlight on Kruce looks like a light bulb.  That gives me an idea!
This looks like something Andy Warhol might do, if he were alive and devoid of talent. On a side note, I noticed that the highlight on Kruce’s ample derriere looks like a light bulb. That gives me an idea!

Now that’ll break the internet, or at least make it really nauseous.

I knew that my number one photographic model couldn’t be left out. She’s man’s best friend, after all. Much like a certain famous person, she’ll do damn near anything for a rawhide chew toy.

The funny thing about this is that my dog can smell Kim, but she can't see her.  Where's Kim, Lucy?  Where is she girl?!?
The funny thing about this is that my dog can smell Kim, but she can’t see her. Where’s Kim, Lucy? Where is she, girl ?!? Ha Ha Ha!

 

I’m going to stop after this next one. Too much of this might border on being tasteless.

I think my dog looks a little like a baboon in this shot.
Here’s Lucy getting in touch with her inner baboon.  Lucky for her, she doesn’t follow my blog and will be spared the embarrassment.
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Author:

I used to write a fair amount here on my blog, but then I got lazier and now I only manage to write over at The Nudge Wink Report once every month or so.  I only write there because of assigned deadlines and my unflagging allegiance to a woman I've never met but love anyway, the lovely Blogdramedy herself.  My current profile there is a 30,000 word run-on-sentence and ends up keeping people from scrolling all the way to the comments section.  As any blogger will tell you, posting without getting comments is like kissing your first cousin - and not in a hot, West Virginia sort of way.  I'm hoping this little blurb can take the place of the other profile and allow people to actually reach the comments section.

57 thoughts on “There’s An Ass On My Mind

  1. Reblogged this on 1pointperspective and commented:

    It’s my turn in the barrel over at The Nudge Wink Report. My boss there is a broad who’s abroad, so I’ve thrown caution and good taste to the breaking winds. Feel free to buzz on over and take a gander at the latest exploits of a certain famous-assed person.

    Like

  2. You are one sick puppy. But keep up the good work; I love it. Almost makes me want to purchase a smart phone. However, they don’t have a nice antenna like mine. So they probably don’t work too well. Bruce is so cute I can hardly stand it.

    Like

  3. First off, it’s KARL Urban. You seem to always get this wrong. I’m starting to think you’re jealous.

    Secondly, just because I’m not in your hemisphere doesn’t mean I don’t know what you are up to every second of every day. I have spies everywhere. Just ask your wife.

    Thirdly, eww on the Kimmy butt cheeks. But I finally realized why she’s wearing gloves. She can’t stand to touch her butt either.

    Like

    1. Karl? With a K? His eyes are so dreamy I get lost in them and forget how to spell.

      I think the light bulb highlight on her ass cheek may be a subliminal message of some sort. I sure miss the 60 watt incandescent bulbs of yesteryear!

      Like

  4. Reblogged this on upside of sideways and commented:

    This week on The Nudge Wink Report, Dave gets it wrong AGAIN. This is becoming a thing with him. And just because the cat (me) is away, doesn’t mean I don’t know what the mouse (Dave) is up to. Every minute. Check out Dave’s post on NWR and don’t be surprised at what you see when you get over there.

    Like

        1. The Vegas odds are astronomically slim of me ever getting Freshly Pressed again. The odds of Kanye crashing the award ceremony are only slightly worse. (Note to self: If getting Freshly Pressed is so damn important, maybe you should try writing more and posting fewer pics of asses)

          Liked by 1 person

      1. Wonder which one spews the most poop? I understand Kanye’s performance at the Brit Awards had to be censored so heavily there appeared to be only one word used – bleep!

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  5. Lucy, I have room at my house. I promise not to shove a plastic, gel-injected, double beach ball into your nostrils. Seriously, I won’t.

    Boys in the Band, can you answer me this: if it is so artificially sculpted, why do you find it so tantalizing? … Oh, never mind. 😉

    Like

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