There’s An Ass On My Mind

Three things happened recently:

1. My boss just picked up and jetted off to Italy or Borneo or someplace, so our vague standards for good taste and decorum here at the Nudge Wink Report went with her.  Luckily she was able to fit  our standards in her carry-on.

2. I got a new cell phone, which I occasionally use to actually make phone calls, but mostly play with.

3. I posted a story which was purported to be Bruce Jenner’s Bucket List.

These three events are actually related, as I scoured the internet with my phone to find photos of the soon to be Ms. Jenner and his/her wacky Kardashian clan. I also used the phone to have some cut and paste fun, which my antiquated laptop is unable to do.  My editor being in a far away land allows me free reign to post these Kimmy K butt pics on a site usually only decorated with male underwear models and/or head shots of some guy named Keith Urban.

It’s amazing how much stuff you can fit in (and on) a bucket. Collage by the author, using his snazzy new smart phone.

I discovered that Kim Kardashian’s ass is fun to play with (the one she farts with, not the one she’s married to). While I don’t have too many photos on my new phone, I have a few which were well suited for photo collage fun with Kimmy and her keister.

Here are a pair of Kims garnishing a piping hot bowl of bear chili. Real bear, fake Kims.  Yes, that glass is from Voodoo Brewing – I’m sure they’re thrilled with the free plug.

I’m sure when Kim set out to break the internet, she hadn’t counted on the incredible durability of Tupperware bowls.

For my fellow beer geeks, this was a goblet of Prairie Brewing’s Christmas Bomb Imperial Stout – brewed with ancho chilis, espresso beans and vanilla beans. It was sublime.

I thought Kim looked good on the edge of this snifter, but didn’t see the unfortunate location of the brown spill on the napkin till just now.

She’s being demure in this shot, cropping her head out of the frame, but I recognize that dumper. She knows better than keeping her ba-donk-a-donk in the trunk-a-donk.

I’m sure some of you are repulsed by the thought of K.K’s naked caboose on a child’s ride. This next pic should make you even sicker.

She’s setting a horrible example for the youngsters with a clear disregard for seat belts and going out in February without any pants on.

It occurred to me that Bruce “Gender Bender” Jenner was being upstaged by all this, so I tried to find a way to work him in. I got a little artsy on this one.

This looks like something Andy Warhol might do, if he were alive and devoid of talent. On a side note, I noticed that the highlight on Kruce’s ample derriere looks like a light bulb. That gives me an idea!

Now that’ll break the internet, or at least make it really nauseous.

I knew that my number one photographic model couldn’t be left out. She’s man’s best friend, after all. Much like a certain famous person, she’ll do damn near anything for a rawhide chew toy.

The funny thing about this is that my dog can smell Kim, but she can’t see her. Where’s Kim, Lucy? Where is she, girl ?!? Ha Ha Ha!

 

I’m going to stop after this next one. Too much of this might border on being tasteless.

Here’s Lucy getting in touch with her inner baboon.  Lucky for her, she doesn’t follow my blog and will be spared the embarrassment.