Nudge & Wink here with some important news for our followers.
Due to overwhelming demand by our intrepid troop of globe-trotting field reporters, management has agreed to send off the entire team for an all-expenses paid around-the-world research experience of a lifetime. Our reporters will travel to far off lands to bring you hilarious reporting from regions not normally reported on by anyone with legitimate journalistic credentials.
Due to budgetary limitations, this means our field reporters get to not drive to the office, not drink up all our free high-quality coffee, and not load up the fridge with month-old leftovers. They also don’t get to toilet paper the office Christmas tree because we can’t afford it. The toilet paper. Or the tree.
So what does this really mean?
Someone in the office posted this to the staff bulletin board after finding Dave’s Facebook page.
We’re giving our gang a month-long vacation away from the office to hang around with relatives IN THE COMFORT OF THEIR VERY OWN HOMES where they can quiz friends and guests about their exploits, travels, and adventures, and live vicariously through them…and then come back to The Nudge Wink Report in the new year with new stories for you, our readers.
They’ll also receive holidays bonus pay equal to about 10 per cent of their take-home pay. We know it takes more than Starburps* coffee and a constant supply of jelly donuts to keep our writers happy.
*Starbucks for the cheap corporate executive
Doesn’t that sound fabulous? Doesn’t it make you want to go “me, too, please?”
I know it makes us want to go…somewhere so very far away from here and anywhere we might bump into our gang while out and about during the holidays.
So, while our team of field reporters get to lounge around in their bath robes all day, watching reality television while trying to avoid actually talking to relatives, Wink and I will be busy maintaining the integrity of this blog.
From a beach. In Fiji.
Happy Holidays to all!
See you back here January 10, 2015.
— Nudge & Wink
nudge. wink. report. 
Maybe so but I’m still working on an (unofficial) BlogFestivus post in your honor. Shhhh! It’s gonna be a surprise.
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I’ll practice my “surprised” face.
Think I should run BlogFestivus this year on my new blog? It’s a little short notice…
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So we’re NOT getting to travel the world?! We’re staying at home with our families? But I’ve had all my shots!
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No, we don’t get to travel the world.
We get to do something even better.
We get to travel the world of our imagination.
We get to have bumper stickers made that say, “Have Stoli, Will Travel”
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I’m going to get another bumper sticker instead of the Stoli one, but it has the same basic message. Mine says “Pull me over, I’ve probably been drinking”
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Leaving everyone to their own sarcastic commentary for the holidays is cruel. Apropos, but cruel. 🙂 Enjoy what you can!
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The team will do what we can to enjoy ourselves beyond what would be considered appropriate for our respective ages.
Translation: imbibe too much of everything the season has to offer
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That Fiji trip better be a fake-out, or I’m no longer going to read this blog. Crystal clear water, tropical palms swaying to gentle breezes. (Oops, I better research a bit more. Maybe you’re in the Burroughs of Tradewind Alley?) I digress, let me get back to my rant:
I’ll roast and grind fresh beans, make sure the coffee pot is always filled and the brew is fresh. I’ll donate toilet paper from my second job (I work evenings over at the, No-Tell Motel.)
Copies are my thing! Paper, or PDFs? Attachments, for the email, or the vacuum cleaner?
In other words, I’m ready to head to the islands. Please accept my invite to tag-along and haul your luggage. I’ll sleep on the beach and dine on jungle fruits. I’m a cheap travel buddy with the exception of airfare. Once the cheerful, and rested, crew return from their dysfunctional crusades, I’ll be suntanned, and ready to charm them back into reality
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You’re hired. Do you look good in a Cabana boy’s outfit? It’s not a requirement but would be a perk. For management.
I like your attitude. I’m going to talk to my fellow field reporters about maybe getting you over to guest blog at NWR. We need all the reality we can get. And Tommy’s a whiz with that fake suntan stuff. He’ll get us sprayed up in no time. *grin*
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Does a 62 year old woman look good in ANYTHING? Don’t answer that!
So glad to hear I’ve been accepted. My brewed coffee makes Starbucks a bit nervous. I’ve had to move as they have somehow managed to execute, imminent domain around a few of my homes. Heck, jelly beans! I give my coffee free-o-charge and don’t take tips. My only fault, as I see it, is that I don’t allow stragglers. Once you have your ‘cup of Joe’ I want to see some action. Light up your smile and get out there and lend a hand.
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A 62-year old woman looks fabulous in whatever she chooses to wear. It’s one of the benefits of getting older.
There was an AARP article sometime last year that said a woman over 50 should never wear skinny jeans. I started a petition. *grin*
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💭 I can’t for the life of me remember whether or not I signed that petition. I do recall though, about purchasing and ‘attempting’ to wear a pair of those slim jeans. The cats shrieked, the dog barked and I toppled over, loosing my balance. There’s such a thing as containing, and then there’s that other thing, stuffing. Fat cells rebel when squeezed into casings. OINK!
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Easy solution. Get yourself some new pets. *grin*
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LOL!
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