In the early spring of 2014, I had the privilege of meeting the most charitable, creative and technologically brilliant couple on the planet: Bill and Melinda Gates.

I knew what I was ready for; a dynamic pair of thinkers that were tinkering with something incredibly big and extraordinary and ready to come to fruition.

After reviewing the synopsis of their enormous and global venture, everything I knew, and used myself, regarding the current female contraceptive choices, is going to become obsolete overnight.

"IUD?  That's so outdated... and disgusting.  Women want microchips for choice!"

“IUD? That’s so outdated… and disgusting. Women want microchips for choice!”

This project is going to change the world.

This endeavor is going to revolutionize birth control for all, reproductive women on the planet.

It made perfect sense the Bill and Melinda Gates Foundation were financially backing this effort.

MicroCHIPS, the start-up company led by MIT researchers, is developing a ‘remote-controlled system’ of birth control for women. The chip, the size of a Scrabble square, is inserted under the skin near the abdomen, delivering contraceptive hormones, controlled by the user at her will, for approximately 16 years.

"Bill wanted to 'experiment and get jiggy with the chip.' I swear to god he's so perverted."

“Bill wanted to ‘experiment and get jiggy with the chip.’ I swear to god he’s so perverted.”

Modern medicine is getting scarycrazywhackmodern.

My time spent with the globally-giving, philanthropic power duo was an education in Biotechnology 101 I was sorely in need of. I also had the opportunity to see ‘just a regular, ole’ married couple’ interact with each other.

NWR: “In layman’s terms, please explain how the female, microchip contraceptive works.

MG: “Well, to be honest, I don’t think we knew what we were really getting ourselves into. I mean, we knew that we wanted to advance the technology of birth control on a global scale, for all women, but, honestly, we were just too lazy to develop anything.”

BG: “Melinda, what the hell?  That’s not fair.”

MG: “You said you just wanted to throw money at the thing and see if it works.”

BG: “When did I say that, dear?”

MG: “Oh, my god, you said that, like, a zillion times since you opened your wallet.  Christ, Bill.  I’m sorry.  What was the question again?”

BG: “She wants to know how the damn thing works… let’s show her how it works, dear.”

'The microchip is thiiiiiis teeny-tiny.'

‘The chip is kind of shaped like this.’

MG: “Oh, Bill.”

BG: “What?!”

MG: “Stop it.”

BG: “Come on. Let’s show her how it works–let’s do that thing we did the other night.”

MG: “Bill, stop it. Get away from me.”

BG: “See?  She’s laughing because she likes it.  My woman likes the microchip.”

MG: “Bill!  We’re in a formal interview.”

BG: “My woman… she loves when I get the chip out.  I get the chip out and the chip talks to her and soothes her tired head and tells her how pretty she is.  Stone cold, baby.  Dropdead gorgeous.  The chip loves his woman.  My woman.  My chip-chippy-micro-chippin’ woman.  She likes my freaky-freak chip.  Oh, yeah.  Foxy, Mrs. Gates.  Come here, you beautiful woman, you. Come here to your Mr. Chip.”

MG: “Oh, my god, Bill, you psychopath, stop!”

After watching Bill Gates, playfully and disturbingly, chase Melinda around the courtyard for 15 minutes until she gut-punched and pinned him down with a full-nelson, I feel my time spent with the couple was a gift-a gift of knowledge that I was privileged to witness.