Posted in Blogdramedy, Humor, News

Playing Now In New York: Rich Door, Poor Door

Looks like life in the Big Apple just got a little wormier.

New York, New York, it’s a wonderful town. You can get anything you want, any time you want it. You can eat in, you can eat out. If you’re concerned about your weight, you can hire someone to eat for you.

It’s a great town to be rich in. And now it’s gotten even better for those who don’t like to share their air with the less refined.

Because now you can buy a multi-million dollar condo in Manhattan and almost convince yourself you are helping out the less fortunate.

The New York City Department of Housing Preservation and Development approved a request by a building developer to install two separate entrances to its newest development, 44 Riverside Boulevard. There will be one door for the ultra rich to reach their water view condos and another door for residents to get access to 55 units of low-income housing.

What you'll find behind both doors? Toilet paper.
What you’ll find behind both doors? Toilet paper.

New Yorkers are up in arms and the Manhattan Borough president has vowed to veto any future requests for separate entrances by developers.

Personally, I think this is a brilliant idea.

Here are a few reasons why:

1. What is more irritating than moving into your new designer waterfront condo and planning a seven course dinner party for 50 of your closest friends only to find out your drug dealer is out-of-town? Just send one of your staff around the corner to knock on a few of those low-income housing doors and problem solved.

2. Buy a condo and then search for spare change in the furniture of your other seven houses to buy one of the low-income housing units for your maid(s) so they’ll never have an excuse to be late for work ever again.

3. Tired of putting mileage on the $100,000 luxury SUV cruising the streets hoping to pick up some extracurricular evening entertainment? No more worries about getting caught up in a NYPD “Johns” sweep because there’s sure to be something you like just around the corner.

4. Everyone loses their house key from time to time. Living at 44 Riverside means you’ll never be left out in the cold again. Because odds are someone around the corner has what you need. A lock pick set.

5. Your accountant screwed you over and now you’re a little short of cash? Who you gonna call? Your neighbor, the local fence. For one-stop selling of those family heirlooms.

6. Got your eye on your next wife and your current wife is giving you grief? Living at 44 Riverside is the perfect place to commit the perfect murder. If you plan it out right, the cops will be knocking on the door. Only it won’t be your door. But on one of the 55 other doors on that side of the street.

New Yorkers, just say “yes” to low incoming housing in all future condo developments. Get vocal; stay local. Invest in the “two door” policy.

Because hanging with the less fortunate has its advantages.

“Okay, you can live in my building. Just use the side door. And wipe your shoes.”
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Author:

Blogdramedy is a recovering communications specialist who now spends her days helping non-profits communicate effectively. They rarely listen to her advice. When she's not doing that, she writes Upside of Sideways and is a field reporter for The Nudge Wink Report -- both on WordPress. https://upsidesideways.wordpress.com https://nudgewinkreport.wordpress.com

40 thoughts on “Playing Now In New York: Rich Door, Poor Door

  1. Hopefully in a tip of the hat to New York’s rich history, the low income units will have laundry hanging over balconies, boiling pots of cabbage and street urchins living in the alley. On an unrelated note, I’m impressed that you were able to fit a clip of Ryan Gosling into a post about real estate and social stratification.

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    1. Yeah, it could be a play. “Oliver Takes A Bite Out Of The Big Apple; It’s A Choking Experience.”

      I’ve found that Ryan Gosling enhances pretty much everything in life. *grin*

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  2. This is a brilliant post. It raises many questions. Which door is more ornate? I think they missed an opportunity here by going obvious. Misdirection would have been much more clever. More importantly, which lobby smells more like the waiting area at the DMV? I’ll bet my financial empire it’s behind the rich door. Outstanding commentary, as always. Me? I’ll be hanging around the back door. That’s where the real action is at.

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    1. Hey there. Thanks for bringing your usual wit and brilliance over to NWR.

      If developers get their way, you’ll have plenty of opportunity to state the obvious. It’s all about getting more land to build snazzy condos…if they add some low-income units, they get more land. I wonder if bribes were involved?

      I didn’t go into the benefits for the have-not residents living so close to the obscenely rich. But that’s for another post.

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  3. So if you lose your millions due to an unfortunate speculation, can you just move to the other side of the building? Sounds convenient, and your still-rich neighbors wouldn’t have to witness your shame because you would use the other door.

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  4. I’m from the UK so I don’t have a clue how new builds in the US work.
    Just to confirm is it perfectly legal to build a snazzy condo block and add some shit apartments for the poor? Cause I think it’s slightly pointless and patronising. Why shove the rich and the poor in an block together. It’s not like they’re going to integrate…

    The UK government has heavy involvement in EVERYTHING (I think a little more than your government does). So if a new build was to be proposed there’d be several sorts of “equal opportunity” regulations it has to go through. So I don’t think this sort of thing would be happening over here – at least not in near future.

    But my biggest question is WHY the developers of this condo attached a shoddy block. Do they owe it to the government? Or was this for their own/customers conscious?

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    1. I love “equal opportunity” opportunity as long as it works. In this case in New York, the developer got permission to build a BIGGER complex on more downtown land because they included the 55 lower income units.

      However the idea of a different entrance to the same building so those who’ve bought a 12-million dollar flat don’t have to “mix” with someone who works at McDonalds is beyond ridiculous. And as far as I’m concerned, a poor decision on the part of NYC planners.

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  5. I’ve worked in places where the execs had their own wing, their own elevators and their own fucking bubble so they don’t ever have to see/hear reality. Why shouldn’t these same folks live that way, too?

    It’s soooooo much harder to screw someone if you haven’t looked them in the eye or realized that they do, in fact, breathe in and out just like the rich folks”

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    1. The divide between the rich and the middle, and lower, classes is getting wider. I’m not surprised to read about a two-door policy. One for reality and one for those who live in an alternate reality of wealth with heavy doses of disdain for those of us less well off. It’s actually quite scary to think about how bad it could become in the future.

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  6. The people who live in the 55 low income housing units are probably laughing their asses off at the rich folk who have the same address as them. I can just picture some snobby nosed rich dude bragging about his condo at 44 Riverside Boulevard and some guy waiting in line for soup hollering out, “Me too”.
    The two door thing is pretty disgusting.

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    1. This situation is ripe with humorous opportunities. More so for those living around the corner. They’ll have all the advantages of waterfront living in the heart of Manhattan without having to share the experience with the rich. Because we all know they go from condo to town car to executive offices while texting and emailing and phone conferencing. Those 55 households can take over all the outdoor space for some seriously good times, bbq, street parties, and fire hydrant water fountain fun.

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  7. Very weird juxtaposition of lifestyles – some sort of tax incentive must be at work.

    The cliche of low-income housing being graffiti-covered dumps is a cliche because, frankly, it’s true more often than not. If this was a case of modest, $100,000 condos for sale over the low income housing, the difference wouldn’t strike us as so offensive. And if I’m the hard-working stiff plunking down my $$ on said condo, I wouldn’t want to take the chance with the value of my home going down the drain, would you?

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    1. The developers get more land than originally requested if they add low income housing.
      I don’t think graffiti is going to be an issue at this address. The ones buying the $12,000,000 condos will make sure of that…if they ever physically walk around the corner that is and not drive by in their Town Cars. *grin*

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