Looks like life in the Big Apple just got a little wormier.
New York, New York, it’s a wonderful town. You can get anything you want, any time you want it. You can eat in, you can eat out. If you’re concerned about your weight, you can hire someone to eat for you.
It’s a great town to be rich in. And now it’s gotten even better for those who don’t like to share their air with the less refined.
Because now you can buy a multi-million dollar condo in Manhattan and almost convince yourself you are helping out the less fortunate.
The New York City Department of Housing Preservation and Development approved a request by a building developer to install two separate entrances to its newest development, 44 Riverside Boulevard. There will be one door for the ultra rich to reach their water view condos and another door for residents to get access to 55 units of low-income housing.
New Yorkers are up in arms and the Manhattan Borough president has vowed to veto any future requests for separate entrances by developers.
Personally, I think this is a brilliant idea.
Here are a few reasons why:
1. What is more irritating than moving into your new designer waterfront condo and planning a seven course dinner party for 50 of your closest friends only to find out your drug dealer is out-of-town? Just send one of your staff around the corner to knock on a few of those low-income housing doors and problem solved.
2. Buy a condo and then search for spare change in the furniture of your other seven houses to buy one of the low-income housing units for your maid(s) so they’ll never have an excuse to be late for work ever again.
3. Tired of putting mileage on the $100,000 luxury SUV cruising the streets hoping to pick up some extracurricular evening entertainment? No more worries about getting caught up in a NYPD “Johns” sweep because there’s sure to be something you like just around the corner.
4. Everyone loses their house key from time to time. Living at 44 Riverside means you’ll never be left out in the cold again. Because odds are someone around the corner has what you need. A lock pick set.
5. Your accountant screwed you over and now you’re a little short of cash? Who you gonna call? Your neighbor, the local fence. For one-stop selling of those family heirlooms.
6. Got your eye on your next wife and your current wife is giving you grief? Living at 44 Riverside is the perfect place to commit the perfect murder. If you plan it out right, the cops will be knocking on the door. Only it won’t be your door. But on one of the 55 other doors on that side of the street.
New Yorkers, just say “yes” to low incoming housing in all future condo developments. Get vocal; stay local. Invest in the “two door” policy.
Because hanging with the less fortunate has its advantages.