Posted in Blurt, News

Predicting The Winner Of The World Cup

I don’t know much about soccer. There’s a lot of running around; the guy on each team who runs the least gets to use his hands. Everyone in the game is an actor. And when the ball hits someone in the head it is considered a good play and not cause for hysterical laughter.

So, like many Americans, I’ve watched some World Cup matches and pretended to understand the game’s finer nuances. But I learned a lot about the sport while I pretended I already knew about it. I learned that soccer stadiums are filled with lots of men who wear flags as capes and paint their faces to show support for their teams. The only women allowed to attend World Cup games are attractive eighteen to twenty-five year olds. Most importantly, I learned that it is best to watch soccer on a Spanish language television station because the announcers have seizures on the air when a goal is scored.

And here we are, the day before the World Cup final match between Germany and Argentina. The internet is flocking here to The Nudge Wink Report to find out if I’m going to remember that I’ve got a post due today who I think is going to win the big game. I refuse to let the internet down; I am here to announce my prediction.

My prediction is based on a comparison between an Argentinian gaucho and a guy wearing German lederhosen.

Not Just Any Man Can Make That Look Good

(image by sanchristobal76 on wikimedia)

As we can see, our German friend has his hands jammed deep into his pockets. The photo leaves it to us to decide why he is doing this. We’ve all been in the position to think “I’m not sure what to do with my hands”. The answer to that question does not appear in this photo.

The lederhosen seem to have some sort of snap system over the naughty bits. This is an example of function over form in design. I approve, yet disapprove of this flap and snap system. Access is sometimes important, but it still doesn’t look right to me.

I am not on top of things, fashion wise, but I have some doubts about whether a plaid shirt goes with embroidered shorts.

I’ve never seen a man who looked good in lederhosen. To be fair, I don’t think I’ve ever been in the company of anyone in lederhosen. Maybe there’s a good reason for that.

Who Is The Gaucho, Amigo?

(image public domain)

So now we turn our attention to the Gaucho. He appears to be wearing blankets and a poncho. Kudos to him for making something out of not much.

The Gaucho is carrying a rather substantial knife. That doesn’t impress me. Too many people think being threatening gets them respect. Argentina made this mistake once before. That ended with them losing a fight over the Falkland Islands, a place best described as nothing, with sheep on it.

There is a really good Steely Dan album called Gaucho. Yes, I know that there are no bad Steely Dan albums. Focus on what I’m trying to tell you, not what you think I don’t know.

Even though Argentina had nothing to do with putting the Gaucho album together, it is significant that Steely Dan has never done an album called lederhosen.

In the end, who wins the big game comes down to one question – If I were naked, in a burning building and had to run out in dressed as a gaucho or wearing lederhosen, which nation’s garb would I put on?

My answer to that question makes it clear who reign over the soccer world after tomorrow’s match. I am predicting that Argentina will win the World Cup.

 

 

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Author:

Most who read my blog don't know me from the man in the moon. But they seem nice and I am, in fact, The Man In The Moon.

28 thoughts on “Predicting The Winner Of The World Cup

  1. Reblogged this on Blurt and commented:

    So, yeah, World Cup. I’ve figured out who the winner is going to be. You can bet the farm on my prediction. If you’re smart, you’ll buy a farm today just so you can bet it.

    Like

  2. Well, you sure have the facial hair to be a Gaucho.
    Now how about your legs?
    I know you’re not actually a world cup soccer player but if you want us to follow your advice on who to bet on, we need to know there’s muscle involved. Other than the one in your head.

    Thanks for showing up today, Oma. I had the dogs all set to go and now…they’ll have to settle for chewing on a soccer ball.

    Like

  3. Reblogged this on Blogdramedy and commented:

    Oma showed up at the office today with his prediction for the 2014 World Cup. I don’t know about you but I think he’d look really hot in lederhosen.

    Why don’t you head over to NWR and judge. Judge hard. *grin*

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  4. I don’t know about you, but when my household heard that The Omawarisan had delivered some content things got a little crazy around here, let me tell you. I ripped off my shirt and sprinted around like a chicken sans head finally sliding to a stop on my knees. I wasn’t even wearing a sports bra. It must have been a sight to see because at least one Spanish-language announcer was at a loss for words. So congratulations, buddy. I’m glad you achieved your GGGGOOOOAAAAALLLLL!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

    I’ve worn lederhosen but only during role play. (True story.) I’ve never dressed as a Gaucho or even a Groucho. Based on these facts my prediction du hast Germany.

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  5. For some reason, I’ve skipped over Steely Dan and ended up at Frank Zappa, who begs the question: “Is that a real pancho, or a Sears pancho?” Despite having a taste for the bizarre, even Frank didn’t sing about lederhosen. I wont predict who is going to win, but I will predict that all goals will be scored while I’m out of the room.

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  6. I like to hope that in the next few hours, the Deutschlanders will be making lederhosen wearers everywhere very happy. Also, the German team could probably make lederhosen look pretty fashionable, just saying. 😉

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  7. Thanks for the chuckles. As a typical North American who can’t get into what is essentially a beautiful game with really stupid rules, I really don’t care what the final score is today – though I’m predicting another 1-0 barnburner Zzzzz.
    Bottom line: as long as they are good on their word and it really does end today, then we’re all winners right?

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  8. How bad is it that I am reading this long after the World Cup is over (finally, thank God) and I still don’t know who won. Now I don’t care who won (not that I ever did) because in my eyes Oma will forever be right in his prediction.

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