Posted in Humor, Views

American Saige

From the NWR headquarters: Happy Belated Birthday, ‘Merica!

Two hundred and thirty-eight years old–unbelievable. Not nearly as old as England’s outdated, stinky, old monarchy but the United States is getting up there in age… along with our national flag.

flag

There she is. Bold. Dependable. The same three colors year after year.

It goes without saying that there’s not much to say, stylistically speaking, regarding our country’s flag and its lack of sizzle. There are many traditionalists in the US who demand our beloved emblem of freedom (relative) to forever and ever and ever remain red, white, and blue–stars and stripes for all time.

There is, however, one, little girl in an American-looking, suburban town, who took the time and energy to create her own style of our national flag.

Meet Saige.

Get that damn camera off me.
Get that damn camera off me.

Like a demented and unscrupulous US hedge fund manager, Saige takes one look at our US flag and sees opportunity:

089
“Welcome to the jung-le!”

‘Screw Title 4 Flag Code’, Saige’s new ‘oligarchy-inspired’ clothing line, will eventually hit US markets in the next few months, if not sooner, due to misguided consumer demand.

"Oh, my god. The flag looks so much better in hair, right?"
“Oh, my god. The flag looks so much better in hair, right?”

Saige, who refuses to be minimized and defined by a surname, describes her brand with ‘a lot of brevity’.

“So what. It’s just a flag.”

T-shirts, baseball caps, and see-through daisy duke shorts with matching underwear, will be emblazoned with ‘Saige’s phrase’ she describes as ‘spirit inspired’.

"Last night I awoke in a pool of scotch."
“Last night I awoke in a pool of scotch.”

“I think what I’m doing with the flag is totally fine. It’s not like I’m hurting it or anything. I mean, I couldn’t change the color scheme so I decided to market it as ‘flagwear’. No biggie. Oh! I have bedding coming out, too!”

"You guys... so comfy."
“You guys… so comfy.”

Towards the end of my interview, I asked Saige what the future holds for her revolutionary clothing line.

"I'm fascinated with politics. I think I would be really good at it."
“I don’t know. I’m already bored with it. I’m thinking about politics. Like, lobbying or something. Do I need a degree in that?”

 

 

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Author:

Hi, there! I'm Eva--parent and advocate of public education for all kids and teacher educators. I sometimes do freelance writing, too.

16 thoughts on “American Saige

  1. Reblogged this on Blogdramedy and commented:

    Due to a kick-ass storm called “Arthur” I lost power and Internet so this Saturday’s reblog from The Nudge Wink Report is so very late. Blame Mother Nature. This week, our newest Field Reporter, Eva, goes all patriotic with a retail-related post on the American flag. Go give her a proper NWR welcome!

    Like

    1. She did mention an exclusive deal with Walmart- which is just as evil as HL. My first interview and I wanted to leap off a building.

      But the new job is GREAT. *eyelid twitching*

      Like

    1. It’s true that Saige has big hands. In fact, she just released another American-inspired catch phrase for her line of wallets with pictures of her hands on them:

      “Mine”.

      Like

  2. Saige, I managed to be a lobbyist with no degree. They do frown on flag hair accessories. They’re all about the tailored suits. With shoulder pads as I recall.

    Like

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