Posted in Blogdramedy, Humor, News

How To Fail At A Photo Challenge

This week, headlines in the news reached a new level of crazy. As a challenge, let’s check and see how closely I can match images to the story.

All headlines are real. Wait while I peel my eyeballs from the ceiling.

PUTIN NOMINATED For Nobel Peace Prize

Unlikely to invade anything other than your mouth.
Unlikely to invade anything other than your mouth.

Okay. I was wrong on this one. It’s not poutine but PUTIN. The Norwegians should open up their peace prize to food as well as people. Because an army marches on its stomach. With this dish, Russians troops will be too busy lining up at the porta potties to advance into the Ukraine.

MAN WHO FOUGHT OFF BEAR Actually Just Fell Chasing It

gummi-army-guys

And that’s the thing about addiction. Once you get a taste, you want more. Always be prepared. Because if you’re going for bear, you better bring an army.

HUMANITY HITS ROCK BOTTOM: Teen Has Sex With Hot Pocket

applepie
WATCH OUT FOR THE GLAZE!

Got this one wrong, too. Shows how out of touch I am not having a teenage boy in the house. Or a microwave. Because with today’s fast-paced lifestyle, who’s got time to bake an “American Pie” from scratch?

‘LICK THIS’ APP Teaches Oral Sex Via Phone-Licking

Lick

Nothing I write could compare to this description of the “service.”

Up n’ Down, which challenges users to flick a light switch up and down as quickly as possible.
Circles, which has users move the handle of a mechanical pencil sharpener around as quickly as possible.
Freestyle, which asks users to use their tongue as an implement to jab at a beach ball bouncing seemingly at random around the screen.

Deciding what makes up good oral is like picking art. It’s very subjective. You think your girlfriend is biting that pillow in ecstasy when in fact, she’s trying hard not to laugh. If you walk into a bar and see all the men licking their phones, you know you’ve hit the jackpot. Because as we women all know, the clitoris works EXACTLY like an iPhone.

CITY PLANNING TO DNA Test Dog Poop

Snoop Dogg and dog
“Yo, dog. No po-po gonna make me bag up none of this shit’s shit.”

This is not the photo that went with the story. But it could have been. So extra points for the possibility…and finding an image of Snoop actually holding a dog. There are so few you’d think dude’s got issues.

PEOPLE NOT PLEASED About Baby Holding Gun

womangunbaby

I thought I’d got it right this time. Because we all know only mature adults should be allowed to handle guns.

One Man’s Sex Toy May Be Another Man’s Trashed and Recycled Sex Toy

blowup sex dolls

You never know what you’ll find at a flea market. Pros suggest you bring cash only and pump up your skills in the fine art of haggling. Because you don’t want to pay more than you have to for a used blowup sex doll.

WANTED: The Purple Burglar Of Florida

Barney
“TAKE THAT, MR. ROGERS! I capped that mutherfucker’s ass but good.”

Obviously a case of mistaken identity. Back in 2003, he was found in Mr. Rogers’ Neighborhood but only because he had a three-way date with Mrs. McFeely and Prince Tuesday. Things got out of hand and when Mr. Rogers arrived on the scene, Barney decided to take revenge on the man who — even though he was old, and white, and couldn’t carry a tune — kicked Barney’s ass every morning for years. Released earlier this month, Barney was looking into windows, not breaking them, when spied by the cops. When asked what he was doing, Barney replied, “Looking for work. Due to peer pressure, I’ve changed my name to Tom.”

ISLAMIC LEADERS ISSUE FATWA Prohibiting One-Way Trips to Mars

BrunoMars

I so totally nailed this one! Because we all know that 72 virgins can’t compare to Bruno on a good night. If all the suicide bombers in the world saw a concert…no more KABOOM!

LAW FIRM ACCOUNTANTS Were Bad at Accounting, Law

"I swear to uphold the law...after I've changed them all to my satisfaction."
“I swear to uphold all laws…after I’ve changed them to my satisfaction.”

I think this story is about the law firm of Dewey Boehner and Howe.

RENT A STRANGER’S TOILET via Airpnp app

airpnp

This app is still in clinical trials. If urine the money, this is the app for you. The VIPee level includes the “tap to rate your pee experience” and “swipe to wipe.”

Thank you Huffington Post for the headlines. I couldn’t have done this without you.

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Author:

Blogdramedy is a recovering communications specialist who now spends her days helping non-profits communicate effectively. They rarely listen to her advice. When she's not doing that, she writes Upside of Sideways and is a field reporter for The Nudge Wink Report -- both on WordPress. https://upsidesideways.wordpress.com https://nudgewinkreport.wordpress.com

29 thoughts on “How To Fail At A Photo Challenge

  1. I could make a comment about iPhones and certain parts of women’s anatomy both being difficult to find sometimes, but I’m better than that (but only slightly). I could also point out that teenage boys were having relations with hot pockets before any such microwave snack with the same name was ever invented. In fact, it’s quite possible that teen age boys were responsible for the invention of pockets of any kind just for the potential of having hot relations with them (but again, it’s Saturday morning and I want to try to rise above the temptations for making such ribald comments).

    Like

    1. Your attempt to not rise to temptation failed. I’d say you’re a typical guy but we both know you’re not.

      As for teenage boys…their minds seem to only work in one direction so as an older version of this model, you should take on the role of mentor and issue a pocket-sized guide to hot pocket usage. Blockbuster material.

      Like

  2. Reblogged this on Blogdramedy and commented:

    I’m over at NWR this sunny Saturday morning. The coffee’s brewing and someone even took out the garbage. Impressive.
    This week I took a challenge and failed. Know I know how Tom feels. And you know what? It’s not that bad.

    Like

      1. I always thought the grass was greener on your side of WordPress. Now I know it’s the dangerous solvents used during your creative process. I want me some of that. Suit me up, Scottie!

        Like

  3. I’ve never had a Hot Pocket and then later said, “I’m glad I ate that.” I think the kid may be on to something. Obviously a future capitalist, investment banker, politician or more.

    All this time I thought the way to fail at a photo challenge was to leave the lens cap on. Now I’ve been schooled. Dare I say, this is the finest piece of journalism I’ve ever seen anywhere, not just on the humble blog but in the entire universe. The mic just dropped. This shit is over.

    I think I ukrained myself when I read that Putin got nominated for a peace award. Where’s Miss Piggy? Someone needs to be caked.

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    1. I don’t own a microwave. Have you seen the shit that comes out of one of those things? If I want something hot in seconds, I google Karl Urban.

      Thank you for your kind words. I love how you jest. I always thought you were the king of comedy but I guess you’re really the jester. They get to wear the best outfits. *grin*

      Like

  4. Having added ‘single’ to my relationship status recently I will be needing the address of the bars with the iPhone lickers, no really it will be great for my ego to see iPhones getting more action than me. So hand it over.

    As to the rest, you nailed them all.

    Like

    1. Okay but remember…these guys are the same guys who are also bad kissers.
      And the place will be full of women who think this app is “cute.”
      It has all the makings of a new reality television show.

      Like

  5. Fail? This photo challenge was an epic success! Except I’m having a really, REALLY hard time even getting past the first headline. We’ve fallen down the rabbit hole for sure, Alice.

    Like

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