Posted in Humor, Nudge, Special Report

We won a major award!

most-influential-blogger awardWe here at NWR take our awards seriously. So when peachyteachy.wordpress.com informed Nudge that she wanted to present the team with the Most Influential Blogger Award, our field reporters were on that like gum on the sidewalk.

They made a sticky mess and left Nudge to clean up. Typical.

Read on:

1) What is your favorite seasoning?

Oma: Shouldn’t we be starting this off with an easy question? Garlic, no, pepper. Basil. OK?

Dave: I’m a foodie, so I could easily rattle off a bunch of spices and impress the pants off of Padma Laksmi, but instead I’ll go with hops.  I love hops more than Padma herself.

Blogdramedy: Old Spice. Particularly when worn by a cute guy; a young, cute guy.

Natalie: Love them all!  They each change just as I am getting sick of them.  So naturally perfect!

Tom: I like my spices clingy and cloying like my cardamon sweater.

Wink: I’m rather partial to Star Anise. Really big in India and I hear she’s coming out with a calendar.

2) Who are your favorite and least favorite child actors?

Oma, I agree 100 per cent.
Oma, I agree 100 per cent.

Oma: I like Spanky, from the Little Rascals. The kid had range. Alfalfa made a career out of being talentless. I don’t respect his work.

Dave: I was never much of a fan of Butch Patrick of The Munsters.  You take away that widow’s peak and velvet short set, and he was just a twerp with a werewolf Teddy Bear.  Ken Weatherwax, on the other hand, was a picture of elegant understatement in his interpretation of the complex character of Pugsley on the original Addams Family.

Blogdramedy: Do Donny and Marie qualify as child actors? I’ll let you guess which was my favorite and which not.

Natalie: Most favorite: The girl from poltergeist.  Spooky.  Least favorite: MacCauley Culkin.  Spooky.

Tom: Charlie Sheen, Charlie Sheen.

Wink: Mary Olsen and Katie Olsen from “Full House.” I can’t remember now which one I liked but it was definitely one of them. The other one was spoiled rotten.  (Princess Red Chief, my Satan daughter, looks just like them.  Both of them.  Especially the spoiled one. – Natalie)

3) If you had a time machine and could go back in time to make sure that one song was never recorded, what song would it be?

Oma: The Pina Colada song by Rupert Holmes. On my way back to the present I would destroy every recording of Madonna.

Dave: “Seasons in the Sun” by Terry Jacks.  If you’ve never heard it, count your blessings.  I’m going to take a cue from The Great and Powerful Oma and on my way back through time, delete the entire Bobby Goldsboro song catalog.

Katie is feeling...something.
Katie is feeling…something.

Blogdramedy: The one song played at every wedding I’ve ever attended. “Feelings” by Morris Albert. The original version wasn’t bad. It’s what the local bar bands do to it when the bride and groom take the floor for their first dance. Slow dancing to the sounds of cats in heat is so far from romantic. Unless you’re a tomcat. And didn’t TomKat get divorced? Not an auspicious beginning to your marriage.

Natalie: Anything by Milli Vanilli.  My first heartbreak.

Tom: I’m “bound” to say Kanye West. I’ve never been as certain of anything in my entire life. I don’t even mind if it’s a one-way trip.

Wink: “Ninety-nine Bottles of Beer on the Wall.” Because 99 bottles of beer is not doing me any good by sitting on a wall.

4) What is the best thing about blogging, for you?

Oma: The support I get and that I’m able to pass on. Being creative is relatively new to me; the reinforcement I get keeps me motivated.

Dave: It gives me a forum to whine and rant while trying to avoid typos.  This gives my long suffering wife a little bit of a break from having to listen to the verbal version.  Blogging also provides me something else to do on the computer besides playing internet poker and looking at Swedish erotica.

Blogdramedy: The laughter, the connections. The thrill of the perfectly formed comment. Which I usually come up with after I’ve posted a very vanilla comment and I CAN’T EDIT IT.

Natalie: Being able to do whatever the eff I want (within reason, and after I check with the powers that be).

Tom: No comments. Wait, that’s “no comment.” So close.

Wink: There’s Swedish erotica?

5) Food processor or sledge hammer? Why?

Oma: Show me round your fruitcage, ‘cos I will be your honey bee. Open up your fruitcage where the fruit is as sweet as can be. I want to be your sledge hammer.

Dave: Breaking up a patio?  Sledge hammer.  Pulverizing  roasted tomatillos, jalapenos and cilantro for salsa verde? Food processor.  The old saying goes: When your only tool is a hammer, every problem is a nail.  When your only tool is a sledge hammer, every problem is trying not to look like Gallagher.

Blogdramedy: Sledge hammer. I haven’t been allowed to play with our food processor since the day the neighbor’s gerbil disappeared. I really can’t say anymore as there’s a law suit pending.

Natalie: Food processor.  Sledge hammers suck at making breadcrumbs.

Tom: I’m going to break the mold and shred the path less taken. I pick food processor because sledge hammer is the new fedora. On steroids. With tongue.

Wink: I think every well-equipped kitchen should have both. If you’ve ever seen Rachel Ray’s show, you’ll understand why.

6) What is the lamest health and beauty product you have ever purchased? Is it still in your bathroom/makeup bag/hall closet?

Oma: I have a razor that vibrates. I don’t know what benefit there is to vibrating my face. I’ve still got it, but I don’t turn it on when I use it.

Dave: I bought Q-Tips.  It didn’t seem like a bad purchase until I looked at the directions and found out they shouldn’t be inserted into the ear canal.  That’s exactly what I had intended to do with them. What the hell am I supposed to do with these things now?

Blogdramedy: A personal groomer for “down there.” It worked great once I figured out how to turn it on. But then I couldn’t turn if off and had to wait for the batteries to run down. By then it was too late. You don’t want to know the rest of this story.

Natalie: My husband bought a WaxVac the other day.  I warned him it was a bad idea.  It was definitely a bad idea.  I took it back to the store.  It was the fifteenth one that had been returned.

Tom: Literally nothing. I can’t make stuff like this up. It’s almost like I’m not one of you.

Wink: I was getting worried about my weight so I bought a scale.  But every time I got on, it said I was five pounds heavier. It was obviously broken so I returned it.

7) Where do you stand on the unicorn question?

Oma: It’s never a good idea to run with a pointed stick. That’s all unicorns ever do. They are scofflaws. Jerks.

Dave: Unicorns get all the ink.  Other mythical creatures, like Sasquatch, the Loch Ness Monster and honest politicians never got onto dorm posters or had their likenesses painted on the sides of love-machine vans back in the 70’s.  Unicorns are over-rated, and are often cross-eyed from having one dopey horn in the middle of their foreheads.

Blogdramedy: I’ve never stood on a unicorn’s question. But I once stood on the edge of an ellipsis…and survived to come out the other side.

Natalie: Unicorns were too busy frolicking to catch the ark.  That was the question, right?

Tom: Such a probing question, so I’ll say, “Directly above the head of the animal.

Wink: I always stand to the side. Never in front.

8) How long has it been since you bought a box of 64 Crayola crayons?

Oma: Fifty-two years. My mother wouldn’t get me one when I was a kid. I’m holding out until she does.

Dave: I never bought one either.  I stole my crayons, one at a time – starting with burnt sienna.  By the time I’d get that 64th one, it was time to find another burnt sienna and start all over again.

Blogdramedy: Twenty years ago for my daughter. But I could only afford the 32-pack of Crayola crayons. She still hasn’t forgiven me.

Natalie: Last school year (2012-2013, kindergarten for Boy Wonder).

Tom: My computer has a Crayola simulator in it so I’ll say 1977.

Wink: Never. I have nieces and they come with their own boxes. I share my sugar cookies and they share their crayons.

9) What color was the last can of paint you purchased? Have you painted anything with that paint?

Oma: I bought a can of silver spray paint to paint a switch plate to match a ceiling fan remote. I take on very complex projects.

Dave: My wife and I decided to paint one of the kitchen walls a color called “Buttered Biscuit”.  It ended up looking more like “Bladder Incontinence”.

Blogdramedy: A can of Benjamin Moore “Decorator White” to paint our living room and kitchen. I would recommend you only use this shade of white if you don’t mind wearing sunglasses in the house. Fortunately, that’s my natural state.

Natalie: Spray paint?  Red.  Yes, 20 picture frames.  They look awesome.  I will be buying chalkboard paint and purple paint this weekend to make a Christmas present for Princess Red Chief.

Tom: I know this will damage my esteem in the Bungalow, but as a real man I’ve never purchased paint and find this question to be sexist. I have purchased a five-pound gummy bear, though. I ated it.

Wink: A gallon of “Decorator White” by Benjamin Moore when housesitting for Blogdramedy while babysitting my sister’s four-year-old triplets, who arrived with their own individual boxes of 64 Crayola crayons.

10) Who is your favorite couple/love story? Real, fictional, alive, dead.

Oma: My folks. Fifty-plus years and they still have it. Neither of them are working at this point, so it’s hard to understand why I still don’t have a box of 64 crayons.

Alice and Sam
Bribing the butcher with drink. A classic strategy.

Dave: Alice the Housekeeper and Sam the Butcher on The Brady Bunch.  They kept their piping-hot love under wraps when all around them Brady’s were falling in and out of crushes, breaking noses and finding cursed idols.  Sam knew a pork loin from rump roast, and Alice took full advantage

Blogdramedy: Felix and Oscar from “The Odd Couple.” Theirs was a bromance ahead of its time.

Natalie: The Missing Piece Meets the O.  (The real story.  I am nor sure if a porn goes by the same name– I think it is a clever porn title, if I may say so myself– but I mean the book by Shel Silverstein.)

Tom: It has to be the torrid whirlwind romance between me and every female avatar on the Twitter, even when the person on the other end is a guy faking femality. Proof that the mind is the greatest sexual organ of all! Of course, I’m fictional, so this isn’t a real answer. Thanks to the pending demise of net neutrality it looks like there are going to be many divorces in my future. I plan to pay all of my alimony in Bitcoin.

Wink: The two blondes from “Swedish Nannies: The Spanking Series.” Thanks Dave!

More than you probably wanted to know about us. We’re a wordy lot.

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Author:

Blogdramedy is a recovering communications specialist who now spends her days helping non-profits communicate effectively. They rarely listen to her advice. When she's not doing that, she writes Upside of Sideways and is a field reporter for The Nudge Wink Report -- both on WordPress. https://upsidesideways.wordpress.com https://nudgewinkreport.wordpress.com

17 thoughts on “We won a major award!

  1. There are more great laughs in here than I can shake a unicorn horn at. Also, thanks for the blogging lesson of tagging posts as “erotica.” That should jumpstart the old traffic. . .

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