Posted in Humor, News, Shouts from the Abyss

Year 2013 in Rear View

Can haz poor invizables shampain!
Can haz poor invizables shampain!

It’s that time again. Time to pop the corks and pray that, back when you were sober, you had the good sense to find a designated driver you could trust with your life. Did you choose wisely?

Old Geezer 2013 is set to hobble away with his walker into that good night and fresh-faced millennial extraordinaireΒ L’enfant Terrible 2014 is poised to shoot from the chute, iPhone in one hand and cigarette in the other. Pop a fedora atop his pointy head because it’s his party and he can do what he wants.

Introducing 2014: The Year of the Twerk Birth.

As is often my wont during this melancholy time of year, I look back and ponder. What was rewarding about the last 12 months? How have I grown? Where have we been and where are we going? What have we learned?

Spoiler alert! For those writing a term paper on this post, here are the crib notes: Despite being the most recent year we’ve ever had, 2013 will go down in history as the year we made just about everything worse. And that takes real effort!

On my quixotic quest for meaning and understanding naturally I turned to the internet, the most awesome knowledge tool of all time. How well did we wield this power? Let’s find out!

Based on data released by one of the gatekeepers of the arcane knowledge, our intellects thirsted for elucidation about seven idiots celebrities, a computer game, the iPhone 5 and Obamacare.

Are we making great strides as the most advanced civilization the world has ever known or what? I’d write more about this but I have to go twerk it. It’s my post and I can do what I want.

Study this list carefully because these are the exact priorities of Baby New Year 2014. You have been warned.

  1. Miley Cyrus
  2. Kim Kardashian
  3. Kate Upton*
  4. Minecraft
  5. Selena Gomez*
  6. Obamacare (Affordable Care Act)
  7. Amanda Bynes*
  8. Jodi Arias
  9. iPhone 5
  10. Justin Bieber

*Note: I don’t even know who these people are. That’s how far I’m outta the loop.

Source: Yahoo News – Top 10 Searches 2013 Year in Review

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Author:

The Guru of Negativity

21 thoughts on “Year 2013 in Rear View

  1. Sadly, I think you’re right. 2013 will go down for me as the year when everything went bad or was made rotten by childish politicians. And then there’s your list. Gawd, how depressing.

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    1. ZOMG! That list is depressing. I see it now. Holy cow, thanks for pointing that out. πŸ™‚ Yes, politicians had a huge part to play in 2013 and they played it well. They are a lot like tabloid news in that respect: They give us what we want.

      Phrases like “helping others” and “spreading love” sure didn’t make the cut, did they?

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  2. Reblogged this on Blogdramedy and commented:

    Due to a severe winter storm and power outage, NWR management was unable to post on Saturday. Tom stepped into the breach and all is right with the world. Thanks Tom!

    I hope to be back to regular blogging soon once the Mister and I dig out from all this snow so life can get back to normal.

    Like

  3. I started reading this and had to start “Road to Nowhere” playing on my headphones.
    I hate any list. Once it’s on a list it’s not random anymore. good post – crappy list.
    “… maybe you wonder where you are, I don’t care….”

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  4. I still have I idea what twerking is. No idea. And I have a 19 and 16 year old. Both boys, so maybe that is why they have no idea what twerking is or maybe they are just as spaced out as their mom;)

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    1. I believe the dictionary definition is something about using one’s own butt to look stupid. Basically it means Miley Cyrus being a dufus. That you somehow missed the twerking bandwagon is a great achievement. You should be proud!

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  5. Agreed, 2013 was a year of some pretty despicable events. Of course I would have to include the joke of a Mayor of Toronto, Rob Ford. He would probably be at the top of my list. I’m counting on 2014 to be new and improved. Please?

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    1. I already overlooked Rob Ford once, during my search for person of the year, and I deeply regret the error. Lesson learned! It’s not my fault more people didn’t search for him. Quite understandable, really.

      By the power vested in me by Nobody I grant you a new and improved 2014. The new part is already done. The improved part? My powers don’t go that far. That’s up to you. πŸ™‚

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  6. Yep you really caught the theme and atmosphere of the past few months that’s for sure. Let’s see what further depths of depravity humanity can crawl to this coming year haha

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  7. That list reads like the roster of kids who had to stay after school for discipline, to study idiotic philosophy such as the affordable care act. I’m on the fence as to whether I’d have a seat in that meeting of the minds.

    Except for Kate Upton – I’m pretty sure she’s a philanthropist and a philosopher.

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