The president of Uruguay, José Mujica, is holding his breath this week waiting for next Tuesday’s vote on the legalization of marijuana in his country.

Current president on left. Future resident on right?

Current president on left. Future resident on right? (image

The government has wrapped a few provisions around the legalization of cannabis. Medical marijuana will be available through the Ministry of Public Health; residents will be allowed the domestic cultivation of 6 plants; special membership clubs (for locals only); and the licensed sale of marijuana in pharmacies. The policy prohibits sales to minors, driving under the influence, and all forms of advertising. I can’t wait for the first image to hit YouTube of some kid smoking a joint driving a truck wearing a Mary Jane tee-shirt. Because some parent is going to think that’s hilarious.

If all goes as he hopes, the next time he inhales, the President will approach his work with a much mellower attitude and a hearty appetite for snacks. I envision a lot of this going on over the weekend:

Until he hurts himself but I hear a little toke is good for the joints.

President Mujica will need a little Mary Jane to stay relaxed. Uruguay may never be the same. If you want to seep yourself in an authentic south American experience, maybe visit the country now while you can still see the scenery without having to wear one of those really attractive hats with the fan whirring on the top of your head to clear away the smoke.

José, have you thought this through? Or has the sight of your country’s drug czars doing this clouded your vision even before the bongs get burning?

I think we both know this is very welcome news for the drug lords. They get to be legit at home and still carry on with the manufacture, distribution, and sale of much more deadly drugs. After all, they’re businessmen. They understand totally the “Grow Local–Think Global” philosophy. *nudge-wink*

But Mr. President, it’s not going to be all party, party, party. You’re going to need to give some thought to your immigration policy. With only locals having access to this most fragrant of weed, people will be pouring into the country looking to take up residency.

Kind of like this:

And they’ll be hoping to do a lot of this:

And have you considered how stinky aromatic the country is going to get? Maybe it’s time to you talked to Maytag about a bulk shipment of washers as locals may end up doing a lot of this:

When they’re not doing this:

Or worried about the side effects of overindulgence:

And what about your country’s productivity? With locals growing their own plants and hanging out at special “members only” smoking clubs, who’s going to work the farms, build the roads, cater to the tourists? Who is going to help you grow your economy? Hmm?

Okay. So maybe not the best example.

And if no one’s told you, tourism is going to EXPLODE! Tourists and visitors can’t access the private clubs, but that won’t stop them getting their groove on. I can see them all now…standing outside under the exhaust fans, practicing their deep-breathing exercises.

Talking about exercise…have you figured out yet how you’re going to counteract the munchies? ‘Cause there’ll be a lot of this going on:

But let’s be serious for minute. Not everyone around you thinks legalizing pot is a good idea. Here’s a thought if you want to smooth relations with your neighboring countries. Install windmills, facing out, along your borders. Generate environmentally-friendly energy and good will all at the same time.

Not those kinds of windmills. Please, put down that joint. You’re not taking this seriously.

I give up. You’ve made up your mind and nothing I can say is going to make the slightest bit of difference.  Party on, dude.

Roll it, toke it, put it in a bowl and smoke it. Whatever works for you. But for me, as much as I’d love to visit your country, I think I’ll just say no.