Posted in Blurt, Humor, News

Yeah, So Another Turkey Or Two Lived

This week, President Obama pardoned a turkey.

Big deal.

President John F. Kennedy at the annual White ...
Say bro, thanks for the lame tradition. (Photo credit: Wikipedia)

This isn’t an Obama thing. U.S. presidents of both ilks have run the same lame publicity stunt for years.

How many years? Some say the tradition started during the Kennedy administration. The Kennedy administration was a long time ago. Most people were what I like to call “not born yet” when JFK  first used the power of his office to pardon a turkey.

And yet, year after year, the press returns to cover whichever president is in office issuing another pardon to another turkey. Lame? Yes, I believe that this defines lame.

Of course, I’m writing about this two days after Thanksgiving, so perhaps my opinion isn’t all that worthy.

But it is a lame tradition. Canada celebrates a Thanksgiving holiday. As far as I know, there are no pardons issued before the Canadian Thanksgiving. Why? Because Canada is cool. There, I said it. Canada is a very cool place, with cool, funny people.

The other reason Canada doesn’t issue a pardon to food is because it’s just silly to pardon a plate of poutine.

President Gerald Ford while he pardoned a Turk...
This turkey’s name was Dick. Coincidence? You decide. (Photo credit: Wikipedia)

Perhaps you’ve noticed that sometimes there are two turkeys present at the pardon “ceremony”.  That is a nod to President Gerald R. Ford.

Mr. Ford took office in August, 1974 and immediately pardoned his corrupt predecessor, Richard Nixon. When Thanksgiving came around, Mr. Ford issued the traditional pardon to a turkey. Thus, Gerald Ford was the first to pardon two turkeys in one year.

And what does this pardon get the turkey? Well, for one thing, the turkey gets away with whatever he’s done. That could mean just about anything. Turkeys are disgusting, twisted, sociopathic birds who are capable of unspeakable acts of cruelty and debauchery. It also means that the turkey lives longer.

Do you know what the lifespan of the sort of turkey bred for consumption is? Eighteen weeks.

Given that the turkey(s) who apply to have their criminal pasts expunged and their lives extended are presumably of age to be consumed, it is likely that they don’t live much longer. Now, if you asked me if I’d like my life extended by 1/18th of its span, I’d say yes, please. An eighteenth of my life would be a substantial amount of time. An eighteenth of a turkey’s life is a week.

A week. That’s not even enough time for the turkey to find out who the next person kicked off The Biggest Loser TV show will be.

Yes, once again, a politician has taken time out of our lives. We’ll never get that part of our lives back; we won’t even see 1/18th of that time again.

Yet, next year, the big news this week will be that some bird will walk away as a free man.’ And that won’t be news to me.

P.S. There was something about the US flying the B-52s over an area China claimed as a restricted airspace. The Pentagon released a statement that said China was trying to “live in it’s own private Idaho. China was all, like, “whatever, dude, whatever”.

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Author:

Most who read my blog don't know me from the man in the moon. But they seem nice and I am, in fact, The Man In The Moon.

15 thoughts on “Yeah, So Another Turkey Or Two Lived

  1. Next thing you know, Presidents will be pardoning geese after pressure from PETA. The people at PETA hope to remove this phrase from the human language: “Your goose is cooked.”

    Great post, Oma. You really know how to spice up the gravy.

    Like

  2. Funny, I was thinking of writing a blog about the very same topic, but your blog covers it very well…and yes, it is kind of ridiculous to save two turkeys when on average about 45 million are eaten every thanksgiving. I don’t have anything against eating meat, but from a turkey’s perspective, this is like Adolf Hitler saving two jews for no apparent reason, for only a short amount of time. And yeah, it’s not like the US president has a job he needs to be doing…Great post!

    Like

  3. Here’s a public relations thought for aspiring presidential candidates: instead of pardoning turkeys or flipping the switch on Christmas trees or hosting Easter egg rolls on the White House lawn, issue a statement stating that this is too trivial for you to waste your time on. Send your Vice President to do the job, and sit watching it all discretely from the oval office. You won’t have to actually accomplish anything – which would be tough anyway, since congress and the senate are all home for the holidays. By virtue of sitting in the warm confines of your office and NOT being on camera, you’ll fool the gullible public into thinking you must be really really busy, doing like government stuff.

    Like

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