Posted in News, Nudge

My iCalendar Had a Case Of iForgot

What do you do when you wake up and realize it’s your day to post to NWR and you forgot to add the date to your laptop calendar?

First, you freak. Then, you seek out some really cheesy photos, throw a few words on the page and call it breakfast. This would never have happened if I’d gotten that iPhone for my birthday. LIKE. I. ASKED.

— Nudge

What says love to man’s best friend better than capturing their most intimate moments on film? Yes, making the front page of Huffington Post this week was a slideshow of dogs squatting and getting busy. The caption?

Dramatic Portraits Of Dogs Pooping

How do you turn an average, everyday photo of your dog (doing what comes naturally) dramatic? Wait until he’s suffering from constipation, then drag him to the park and wait. And wait. And wait. Then take the shot, hike back home and photoshop his face mid-spasm over the original image. Then wait for him to come up and lick off your face. He’ll be that pleased you care and decided to share with the entire world.

If they don't make dog laxatives, maybe they should.
If they don’t make dog laxatives, maybe they should.

This dramatic pictorial led to clicking on another story of animal pageantry. The annual bacchanalia of tits & ass called the “Victoria’s Secret Fashion Show.” Famous for its sexy lingerie and cosy pajamas, this year VS stepped so far outside the box there’s not enough duct tape in the world to put the box back together again.

This year’s design team had a muse. Her name was Wal-Mart.

One face looks particularly happy. Tongue and all.
One face looks particularly happy. Tongue and all.

The next time I’m in Wal-Mart I’m going to ask the greeters “when do you get your new uniforms?” and “does it also come with a frowny face for when you’re working the customer service desk?”

With those shoes she'll want to get off her feet.
With those shoes she’ll want to get off her feet.

A $750-million syndication deal to bring The Simpsons to online streaming. And really, I have nothing more to add.

The Simpsons score huge syndication deal. Bart plans to buy a brewery.
The Simpsons score huge syndication deal. Bart plans to buy a brewery.

Take this banana and split. Pointillism by the Japanese artist, End Cape.

Is this art? Or is it acupuncture?
Is this art? Or is it acupuncture?

Some milk and a spoon and voila…TurtleBerry Cereal.

This could take a while.
This could take a while.

Looking for a hostess gift? How about some Mapkins? Only $79.00. For a set of four. I have to go laugh my ass off now.

Just don't wipe you mouth on one or you'll never find your way back.
Just don’t wipe you mouth on one or you’ll never find your way back.

Being President comes with all sorts of perks. Like personal hand delivery of your Christmas wish list. Number 1 on the list? Finding John Boehner an elsewhere to be.

I think we all know what President Obama wants for Christmas this year.
I think we all know what President Obama wants for Christmas this year.

The Mayor of Toronto has been dealing with a few personal issues lately. Nothing that smoking a little crack can’t fix.

Goose. Cooked.
Goose. Cooked.

And then there’s CB-X, a company that makes male chastity devices. This is what they say on their website:

Male chastity devices restrict a man from touching his genitals for sexual pleasure. The male chastity device gives the Keyholder control over the sexual fulfillment of both partners by denying the wearer the touch he has had all of his life. His focus is now on when he can experience sexual gratification, and the Keyholder has complete control over the wearer’s pleasure. This denied access means the wearer must please the Keyholder in order to receive the pleasure he craves.

I’ve been told to not even think about getting one for my partner this Christmas. I’m forever losing my keys.

Comes in small, medium, large, and ouch.
Comes in small, medium, large, and ouch.
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13 thoughts on “My iCalendar Had a Case Of iForgot

  1. I was all set to make fun of how freaking ridiculous the Victoria’s Secret outfits looked but then I saw the camo and wood grain finishes on the male chastity devices and got side tracked. I think most guys will agree that despite the comfort issues, the chastity devices do make one look bigger, so in some cases guys think it’s worth it.

    Like

    1. But what happens when the key gets lost? Call a locksmith or break out the chain saw? Both could lead to serious embarrassment and/or grievous bodily harm.

      Like

  2. That picture of the dog pooping was a deleted scene from The Lion King, am I right? That’s Mufasa watching from above, am I right?

    Looks like Victoria’s Secret is in need of a rollback.

    Turtle and Berry? You win the caption contest.

    $20 per napkin? Maybe if they were radioactive….?

    That picture of the crack dude is skeery. Mommy, please make the bad man go away. His eyes are consuming my soul.

    Are you the Keyholder? I am the Gatesleeper. I wish for my Pillsbury Doughboy to roam free the way nature intended. It’ll be hard because I used camouflage so it will never be found. Mwuhahaha! Check six, you got a bogey on your tail! Angels eleven, break left! You hook ’em and I’ll clean ’em and fry ’em. What the hell am I saying?

    Not too shabby a post after forgetting to set your alarm clock!

    Like

    1. The device is killing you? Imagine how men feel…except let’s not. I’m going out for dinner.

      Thanks for liking the post. I don’t know if it was so much pulling as pushing words around hoping some make sense. *grin*

      Like

  3. Wood Finish!!! For some reason I can’t stop laughing at that. There is a plethora of sick jokes racing through my brain. OK, maybe not racing but they certainly are meandering around in there.
    Mayor Ford has now reached the epitome of fame being mentioned on this blog. John Stewart, Craig Fergusan, Letterman, SNL,…nothing compares to this.

    Like

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