Posted in Humor, News

It Don’t Mean A Thing If It Ain’t Got That Sting

The only way this could be scarier is if they had guns. (image via Washington Times/IMGUR)

You might think that after two weeks of seeing my nation go from a government “of the people, by the people” to being ruled by hissy fit that I would write about the government shutdown. If so, you would be wrong. Another fascinating story from the other side of the world has gotten my attention.

Parts of China have been overrun by giant hornets. Being overrun by hornets, just regular ones, would be bad enough. These are GIANT hornets. Giant as in two or three of them, with a vegetable on the side and maybe a roll, would make a complete meal. They’d make a compete meal, if they didn’t gang up on you and kill you first.

Yes, these giant hornets in China have ganged up on people and killed them. The army has responded by using flame throwers to burn down huge nests of the hornets. Here’s a news video from last year of that process:

One of the highlights of the video is an interview with a military official whose Chinese is so bad he is subtitled, in Chinese. Another is the three-man flame thrower team’s technique – one man balances the gun on his shoulder, the second stands with his knees bent and the third fires the weapon.

But the real star of this video is the hornet’s nest. Look at that thing. It is the size of a car. Are there no words in the Chinese language to express “dude, some giant hornets are building a nest the size of a Mercedes in that maple tree”? Allowing the nest to get that big is no different from people allow a tumor on the side of their neck to reach eighty pounds before they see a doctor. And yet, there it is, a condominium for giant hornets.

There are certain things that indicate you might want to leave a place. Among those things are a Hells Angels meeting in your favorite bar and the existence of giant killer hornets. Most of us would have a beer somewhere else, but the Chinese identify that they’ve got somewhat of a bug problem and stay.

During the hissy fit in the US government over the past two weeks there was a lot of posturing about the debt owed to the Chinese government. I’d contend that these giant nests of hornets are the answer to the debt problem.

If the Chinese start making noise about collecting on that debt, we let them know that our spies will throw rocks at their hornet’s nests.

Meanwhile, we ship the US Congress to Hornetville, China. There, they’ll learn to work cooperatively, like a Chinese flame thrower team. The sooner they learn to work together and govern in the interest of all the people, the sooner they can come home and stop getting stung.

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Author:

Most who read my blog don't know me from the man in the moon. But they seem nice and I am, in fact, The Man In The Moon.

24 thoughts on “It Don’t Mean A Thing If It Ain’t Got That Sting

  1. Thanks for making the world a scarier place!

    I believe these flying dinners were accidentally created by Nomsatan when splicing DNA and trying to invent the TomTato. (Google it. It’s a real thing.)

    Giant wasps means giant dinner. We just figured out a way to feed the world. The wasps ask very little in return.

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        1. That was a great video. I also really liked the attractive smiling Chinese military correspondent. She looks like she’s sharing the final amusing human interest story of the broadcast. “And before we leave you tonight- anyone up for roasted hornet? haha! Instead of the “Be very- very- very afraid” stance which is how I would have played it.;)
          p.s. I thought the subtitles were funny too, until my killjoy of a husband told me it’s because in China there are so many dialects they often have to do this.

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  2. I wrote about these stinging monsters too. How are blog writers supposed to busy themselves with nonsense like government shutdowns when there are giant hornets stinging people to death just half a world away?

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  3. Could this be what happens to former Charlotte Hornet players who didn’t make the roster for the New Orleans Pelicans? Hornets change their name. China loves basketball. Giant hornets show up in China. I think I’m on to something.

    — Wink

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  4. I think we should hang an live giant hornets nest in the private office of every one of those morons in Congress. At the end of each year we then send a Chinese flame thrower team to each Congressperson’s office. “We the people” then review the Congressperson’s record and vote. Based on the outcome of the vote count, “We the people” contact the Chinese team leader by phone with instructions to either destroy the hornets nest or evict and expell the Congressperson for incompetence.

    I’m betting by the beginning of the new year we will have more hornets nests left than members of Congress.

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  5. I just died. This is hilarious– if they decide to collect on their debt we will have our spies throw rocks at their hornets’ nests. Brilliant.
    I spent a fair amount of time traveling in China and this doesn’t surprise me. No one would bother dealing with this unless the government told them to, because the government is right about everything. *vomit*

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  6. My husband says the U.S. military no longer uses flamethrowers….which leaves us scarily vulnerable to the GIANT HORNET THREAT, don’t you think?? Oh wait, make that Giant CHINESE Hornet Threat. That’s even scarier.

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